Aching Heart and Profound Love
[INDEFINITE HIATUS] Back To Memories
"Love hurts,
But sometimes it's a good hurt,
And it feels like I'm alive.
Love sings,
When it transcends the bad things,
Have a heart and try me,
Cause without love I won't survive."
- Love Hurts by Incubus.
It was several hours into the next day, during first period of Music History, when it suddenly hit Jonghoon; Hyosung and Kikwang were back together again. His Hyosung, with that jerk. Thinking about it pained him even further, and it only added fuel to the fire in his heart - he was furious, all right? He didn’t understand why would Hyosung accept him back into her life that easily. Why!
“In between the experimental composers and the neoclassic composers stood the giant personality of Dmitrij Shostakovich …”
Professor Yoshi’s voice faded into the background ten seconds after he tried to refocus on the lecture, and his thought replayed back what he saw and heard at the hospital a couple of days back. Hyosung crying in Kikwang’s tight embrace, him whispering ‘I love you’ and ‘I am sorry’ alternately, over and over again.
And when she whispered back ‘I love you too’ to Kikwang … his heart broke.
SNAP!
“Woah, buddy. Easy,” Hongki’s whisper beside him snapped him out of his muse, and both of their eyes went to the pen in his hand - it was broken into two and the dark blue liquid trickled in between his long fingers.
“!” He bit out, a little too loud and the room fell silent. He didn’t need to look up to know that the attention was on him.
“Do you have anything to share with us, Mr Choi?” Professor Yoshi harrumphed. Jong Hoon shot him an apologetic look and shook his head. This is NOT my day, he groaned silently in his seat and laid his head on his barely written notes.
As soon as the class ended, he gathered his notes and guitar before hastily ran out aimlessly. He heard Hongki calling out to him, but he let it drown in the noisy hallway that was filled with students instantly - he needed some time alone to deal with his messed up emotion.
He ended up at the rooftop and stood there for a moment, unsure what to do. And just for a moment, he heard himself screamed at top of his lungs, lunging out the misery he felt inside. It didn’t ease the pain but at least he felt slightly better. He threw his backpack aside and walked to the edge and started to strum his guitar to an unknown melody.
“You crazy human being!” A voice called not far from him, panting hard and he heard Hongki flop to the floor. “You know I’m not fit and you made me run up five stories high!”
He ignored him and continued on strumming and he finally realized he was strumming the song … of her lullaby. He stopped and leaned back to the wall, and just let the wind blew all around him, in hoping it would bring his misery away too.
“I know you‘re upset,” Hongki came up near him and sat down, and sighed. “But can’t you be happy for her?”
“For what? So that freak can hurt her again?” he snapped. “And whose side are you on? I am your friend, damn it!”
“For the record, I’m on neutral stance. You know that,” Hongki answered calmly, picking up his guitar and put it aside. “And I think you know what I mean by what I said just now. Just look at her, man. The radiance shines in her entire being, if I may exaggerate that is.”
“Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted her to be?“ Hongki added after a few minutes of silence.
Jonghoon kept quite, because he knew Hongki was right. He had never seen Hyosung being so cheerful, so exuberantly content. He should be happy, but knowing that Kikwang was the reason why she was happy again made him upset.
Because he wanted to be that person.
“Cheater!” Came Daehyun’s yell when Hyosung re-entered the living room to arrange the food on the dining table. She witnessed Daehyun, Kikwang, Dongwoon and Hongki playing a rather competitive game of Twister. Daehyun almost had his feet on the red circle, and Dongwoon reached over and tickled him, causing Daehyun to fall over and lost.
“Noona! DongDong is cheating! No fair!” Daehyun wailed but before he could continue crying, Dongwoon swooped him up and rained his face with kisses until he burst into laughter and squealed. He squealed even louder when Hongki and Kikwang joined in, Hyosung couldn’t help but felt touched at how loved he was by everyone.
Hyosung chuckled at the sight before her and continued arranging the food on the table. Just one more. She was about to make her way back to the kitchen when a pair of strong arms encircled her waist, pulled her into one hidden corner and she smiled when she felt he pressed a kiss to the side of her neck.
“That smells really delicious. Can we eat now? I’m hungry,” Kikwang pouted.
“No, we’ll have to wait for Jonghoon to come back,” She squealed quietly when he planted another kiss on the same spot, causing her to squirm in his hold. “Let go. There’s just one more dish to prepare.”
“No, I don’t want to. You can’t make me,” He whispered into her ear, causing her to shiver when he tightened his hold on her.
“Ahem. May I remind you that there’s a minor in the house. Keep it PG, please,” Dongwoon’s voice came from behind, and his remarked caused her to burst into laughter.
“Yes sir. Now, if you may excuse me. I have some work to do. See you later, lover boy,” She pushed herself away from Kikwang and stuck her tongue out to him childishly and made her way to the kitchen. A tugged on her hand send her whirling back into his arms and he gave her a brief but sweet kiss on her lips and walked back to the living room with Dongwoon so casually. He just knows how to leave me breathless, doesn't he? she chuckled.
She felt herself smiling again as she looked at Kikwang, who was now in the battle of tug of war with Dongwoon for the remote. She still couldn’t believe that he was back into her life - it still felt like a dream. She wouldn’t have foreseen this a month ago, nor had it crossed her mind that it would.
All she thought about when she decided to confront him at the hospital was she wanted a clean break. No more running away, no more hiding. She was tired of it, physically and emotionally. But her resolve thinned and disappeared in an instant once she saw the deep grief and sorrow in his eyes when she faced him. She could tell he was suffering just like she was, and it pained her.
It pained her because she couldn’t find the courage to hurt him even further, because hurting him would hurt herself as well - that was how attached she was to him, how deep her love for him. And the wall she built up around her heart crumbled in an instant, and the next thing she knew, she was in his embrace, whispering words of forgiveness and ‘I love you’.
And he was true to his words, so far, and she could see the determination in him to make up for what he did to her; he would steal sometime off his schedule to drop by her house and just spent his time with her and Daehyun. Daehyun was never so happy to have him back, as it was for her.
He slept over at times and made friends with the boys next door and the BEAST boys would sneak over from time to time too to just hang out with her or their new buddies. She couldn’t be any happier, but it would only be complete if Jonghoon was. Thinking about him put a small frown on her face. He had been avoiding her, she noticed it, and it saddened her that he rarely was there with them.
“You idiot! I told you to chop it vertically not horizontally!” She heard Minhwan’s distraught voice as step into the kitchen, breaking her thoughts. “You’re destroying the beauty of my soup!”
“Dude, this stuff right here will end in here,” Seunghyun pointed out to his stomach and continued on, “And for the record, no one cares whether the carrots are cut vertically or horizontally!” He rolled his eyes and dumped more of the carrots into the broth.
“Well I care!” Minhwan answered angrily, but before things between these two get any worse, she decided to step in. No, not on Sunday’s night dinner. Not going to let them have it.
“Hwannie, your soup will taste out of this world even if the carrot is cut vertically. Okay?” Hyosung patted his cheeks and saw the taut expression on his face soften. They both smiled and she gave him a brief hug before moving on to Seunghyun.
“Hyunnie, come. I need your help, since you’re doing such an excellent job in cutting. Help me slice the cake for dessert, yes?” She pulled him away and dragged him to the counter.
“At least someone here appreciate my talent. Thank you, noona,” Seunghyun gave her his million watt grin and started slicing the chocolate cake she baked. She patted him in the head and continued to monitor them, just incase they started it again. These two seemed like they couldn’t live a day without picking on each other.
“Uhm, by the way. Is something wrong with Jonghoon? He seems so distant lately.” Hyosung tried to ask them without sounding desperate - because she was. She wanted to know why he had been avoiding her lately. Did she do anything wrong? Was he really that mad at her for what happened? It wasn’t like they had anything going on. Right? She bit her lips nervously when silence filled the kitchen, with only the sound of Minhwan’s soup boiling.
“He … he is just busy lately, noona.” She heard him stuttered behind her and he continued to stir the soup.
“Y-yeah. He is just busy. You know. Finals coming up, a-and he is busy with our upcoming gig too. You know, writing up new songs and stuff. Yeah.” Seunghyun gulped. “Okay, all done! Let’s eat. Yah pabo, I think your soup is ready.” he suddenly exclaimed when Hyosung tried to ask more.
They are hiding something, she thought in dissatisfaction.
I’ll just have to confront him then.
Hyosung and him had taken refuge at the balcony outside, them sitting down on the swing, Hyosung on his lap, just enjoying the silence of that came with only when Daehyun’s already asleep. And the boys kicked out after twelve, as he just wanted the remaining time alone with only her.
“This is really nice. I wish I can do this every night with you,” He whispered into her hair and pushed the swing forward slowly with his feet and he felt Hyosung snuggled closer to him. “Can I sleep over tonight?”
“Me too,” she sighed. “But no. You have an early schedule tomorrow, don’t you? In fact I think you should be going now.” He detected the frown in her voice when she answered. He couldn’t help but frowned to that; he hated to leave her side.
Ever since they got back together, he found himself being more and more attached to her - the fear of her leaving him again was what caused the paranoia. The love he have for her grown so much after what happened, the thought of losing her love for him paranoid him.
“Please …?” He pleaded childishly and wiggled her around in his arms, planting a kiss on her shoulder and heard her giggled. He felt her shivered against him as the cold night wind blew around them, so he shrugged off his light jacket he was wearing and wrapped it around them. She leaned further into his frame, and his heart skipped at the joy of having her listened to it.
“But the photoshoot is early in the morning …” He could feel her giving in slowly with the uncertainty in her voice, and he smiled against her hair.
“I’ve never have problem in waking up early, remember?” Kikwang tilted her chin and looked into her eyes pleadingly. She sighed and rolled her eyes at him, then nodded. “Stay then, just don’t blame me if you wake up late tomorrow,” she added.
“Oh, why would I? Are we going to … do something tonight?” He teased and saw her face reddened. She push herself up and smacked his chest, clearly embarrassed with his statement.
“W-what are you talking about. You, Mr. Lee, will be sleeping on the couch. You copy? Good night, lover boy.” She disentangled herself from him hastily and threw his jacket back to him before making her way into the dimmed living room. My same old modest Hyosung. He chuckled before he quickly leaped off the swing and ran and swept her off her feet which caused Hyosung to squeal out loud.
“Shhh, Daehyun’s sleeping,” he whispered into her ear and received a punch on his shoulder as he made his way to the couch, and she squealed again when he rained her face with tiny kissses. After a moment of merry wrestling on the couch, he finally got her pinned under him, the cool metal of both of their matching pendants on his skin gave him shivers.
Looking at her, he realized that they hadn’t been this close for months, and how he missed their intimate moments together. He felt his heartbeat started to thunder against his rib, and with them being this close, he could felt hers was too. That was why he found himself leaning in to softly press his lips against hers.
Kikwang love the fact that he was getting butterflies when their lips met; it felt like as if nothing had ever happened and they were back to old days when nothing happened. He was starting to think all good things like these couldn’t last forever when he felt Hyosung tried and pulled away with her hands gently on his cheeks.
When her soft lips left his, Kikwang still made sure that their foreheads were touching, but all he wanted was to kiss her. She wasn’t letting him and he knew why; they still needed time to mend the wound he inflicted both on her and himself.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry …” He whispered to her and looked deep into her eyes, his finger away her purple hair that covered in between her foreheads. She just answered him with her smile, the smile that caught his breath away so many years back, and it still was. She put her hands on his cheeks to look into his eyes - as if to make sure he really sees her.
“I’ve forgiven you. Stop saying that again to me.” She said gently as she softly the outline of his ear and the short hairs on the back of his neck. She was ever so patient and forgiving to him, he didn't think he deserved it. He adored that about her.
Kikwang knew she meant it but he just couldn’t help it when he thought back on what he did, and saw the broken look in the eyes of the woman he love so much. It hurts.
“I’ll make up to you and …” he was about to go on but Hyosung was not having any of it when she put a finger on his lips and silenced him. Hyosung leaned up to kiss him more fervently than he had her. He rolled around so that he was carrying the weight of her tiny body on his and wrapped his arms around her to pull her closer, and he kissed her back passionately.
When they finally broke apart to breath, she leaned into his shoulder for a hug; one of those amazing hugs they tended to share together - his hand on the back of her neck, and her arms halfway around his shoulder. She turned and Kikwang got chills when he felt her lips whispering in his ear, sweetly kissing him below his earlobe.
“I love you, Kikwang.”
“I love you too, Hyosung.”
“Forever …?”
“And always.”
He reached out for their music box on the coffee table and tightened the spring. Soft melody filled the room and he heard her sighed, her breathing slowing down and he knew sleep was finally kicking in. He adjusted their position so that they were side by side, with her still snuggled close in his embrace, and drifted off to sleep.
AUTHOR's NOTE:
Hi!
So, I decided to mix both sad and happy moments in this chapter. It pains me to inflict such pain to Jonghoon though. I'm sorry, babe, but I need my KiSung moments now. LOL.
Thanks to all my new subscribers and those who made their time to read my lame story. I really do appreciate it!
*give big big big bear hug to each and everyone of you.
And oh, have I tell you guys how much I LOVE B.A.P nowadays?
Like seriously, the affection I have for them is no joke! I'll reblog anything related to them like there's no tomorrow, same goes to all the videos of them, and I constantly change my wallpaper solely for them. Basically saying, I'm head over heels for these boys.
I just love how adorable the Maknae lines are (ZELO and Jong Up should be jailed for being too cute!), how silly Himchan is, how Daehyun's and Youngjae's voice just melt me. Don't even get me started with Bang Yong Gook, my god. This guy is killing me with his super y deep voice! *melts into a puddle.
Ha. Ha. Ha. I should stop fangirling, I know. More than half of the boys are barely legal. Thank god I'm stanning Yong Gook, since he's my age. Can't look at Himchan seriously without the crazy eye-stare he did whenever they perform Warrior though. LMAO.
See you next week!
^^
See how cute this little kid ZELO is? OMG, he should be banned from acting cute all together.
He's stealing noonas heart all over the world with it. It's illegal! ASDFGHJKL.
I still love my BEAST/JAY PARK/INFINITE/FT ISLAND/DBSK/BIG BANG boys but ...
These six blondies have stolen my heart completely for now.
I'll get back to you guys soon all right? :)
Okay, okay. Signing off for real now. Feast your eyes with their dorkiness.
Bye!
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