Shattered Hearts and Broken Promises
[INDEFINITE HIATUS] Back To Memories
Oh it tears me up,
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much,
I tried to forgive but it's not enough,
To make it all okay.
You can't play our broken strings,
You can't feel anything,
That your heart don't want to feel,
I can't tell you something that ain't real.
Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse,
How can I give anymore,
When I love you a little less than before?
— James Morisson ft Nelly Furtado's Broken Strings.
“Yes, I am with the girls. Don’t worry grandpa, I’ll tell you when I’m done okay. All right, bye. Ugh, yes! I’ll call you. Now, goodbye.” Hyosung ended the conversation with a frustrated sigh as she put her phone back in her purse. Jonghoon had been overly protective these days but she couldn’t blame him though, not after knowing who was secretly stalked them both. But it still was getting one her nerves, with him calling her practically every half an hour.
“Jonghoon, again?” Han Sunhwa turned to her and smirked.
“You think?” Hyosung rolled her eyes and snuggled further into the cushion in comfort as the masseuse smoothed his fingers on her feet. It felt heavenly.
Song Jieun, Jung Hana, Han Sunhwa and she were sitting side by side as the four of them getting feet massages and sipping on iced tea – which really wasn’t her kind of thing actually. Growing up surrounded mostly by boys, she was still not used to the idea of ‘Girls Day Out’, seeing she barely had any female friends back then. But the girls were so persistent in wanting her to join them, she had to give in or they would bother her to no end.
“Seriously unnie, are you sure you guys are just friends?” Jieun nudged her.
“Goodness guys, for the last time, we are. Can’t a girl have a best guy friend?” She laughed.
“It has nothing to do with that, but more like you guys seriously look like an item rather than ‘best friend’. I mean, you guys go practically everywhere together. It’s like you guys come in a package or something. Where there’s Jonghoon, there’ll be you and vice versa.” Zinger added while she sipped on her last drop of iced tea. Both Jien and Sunhwa nodded enthusiastically to what Zinger pointed out, high-fiving each other as they cornered her.
“I told you, Jonghoon and me goes way back when we were still kids! He is nothing but a big brother to me, whom I really cared for dearly, and that is just it. Stop trying to instigate something that isn’t there.” She pinched all three of them playfully before resting her head back into the cushion.
“Fine then, I won’t pry.” Hana met her gaze and glared at her playfully. “For now that is.”
“Whatever Jienggo. Now, let me rest in peace.” She stuck her tongue out and closed her eyes.
This wasn’t such a bad idea though, now that she thought about it. With all the stress about the finals, this actually helped to flush down her stress away. She was really glad she had girl friends now because she needed girl pampering moment at times, and it was a huge relief these three were as good as a friend should be. She got to know them when Jonghoon introduced them to her on her first day at Korean Community Club, and they hit on right away.
Jung Hana, the bright cheerful girl who was determined to be a kickass lawyer one day and a badass rapper on the side. Song Jieun, Jonghoon’s coursemate, had a very deep passion for music and her voice was undeniably gorgeous that Hyosung’s mouth would always remain agape when she sing. Han Sunhwa was the youngest amongst them yet sometimes her maturity exceeded Hyosung’s expectation when she often gave her advices on all sorts of things, be it about studies or relationship, she seemed to have the answer to it.
“Unnie, do you want to go shopping? I need a new dress for our annual dinner next week.” Jieun asked anxiously when they left the massage centre. Hyosung hated shopping with a passion, no thanks to the girls themselves after her first trip with them to the shopping mall. It took them hours and hours to find just a single dress! No wonder man hated it.
“Hmmm, all right. I think I need a new pair of clothes too. And Daehyun. But not too long all right? I’m serious.” She narrowed her eyes at them, receiving a playful hair tug from Hana.
“To the shopping mall!” They all screamed cheerfully in unison.
Jonghoon appeared exactly an hour later, not even a minute late, and waited impatiently for Hyosung at their meeting place. He tapped his feet as he kept on glancing from his watch to his surrounding, waiting to see familiar faces.
“Grandpa!” He whirled around and was greeted with her bright smile, waving enthusiastically from a far. He let out a breath of relief. For a second there, he was worried that something might happen to her. Yes, he was paranoid.
“Yah! If you keep calling Hyosung-unnie every half an hour again, I swear I’ll break your phone into half!” Hana punched him in the arm, hard, and glared at him. “Do you even know how annoying it was”
“As a sworn Hyosung’s protector bestowed on me by the royal house of FT Island, I have to carry on my duty on shielding Queen Hyosung from any harms!” He joked in all seriousness and received another punch from Hana. “Yah, old woman! That hurts!”
“What about us then? You guys never did any vows like that.” Hana questioned him, with Sunhwa and Jieun nodded in agreement.
“You petty human beings can protect yourself with that scary taekwondo of yours, there isn’t any need of protection. Ow, stop it Jung Hana. I swear if you do that again, I will spill your secrets to Hayato!” He threatened her and smiled victoriously when she actually did.
“Don’t you dare, Choi Jong Hoon! Ergh. All right, unnie. We’ll be going now, take care all right? See you Monday!” Hana hugged Hyosung (refusing his), followed by Sunhwa and Jieun. They bid each other goodbyes and he waited for them to be out of sight before he turned to Hyosung and suggested them to grab something to eat before proceeding home. They sat at their usual spot at Yoyogi Park, her chomping on the last bit of sausages while he strummed his guitar to his latest piece.
“That is really beautiful. You know, I’m surprised you aren’t discovered yet by labels. Have you send any mixtapes?” She asked when he finished the song. His attention was immediately stolen when the wind billowed in her hair softly; he loved it when she let down her hair because she looked so sweet when she did. He whirled back to reality when Hyosung waved her hand in his face, snapping her fingers to catch his attention.
“I did but I guess they weren’t good enough, or else we would be standing on stage right now with thousands of fans screaming. Ah, Jonghoon-oppa. You are so handsome! Ah~!” He mimicked, causing Hyosung to burst into laughter and laughed even more as he proceed on with mimicking.
“STOP. I need air,” Hyosung gasped in between laughter, holding on to him for support. He smiled; with her being so close to him, he could smell the vanilla perfume she wore that he loved so much and seeing her so happy like this, he wished time would just stop and let her be this way all the time. She then rolled off her tummy and took the guitar out of his hand, positioning her arms around it with a grin on her face.
“I want to show you something, but promise me you won’t laugh okay? And before you ask, Jaejin taught me how to play guitar.” She answered before he could even question it. When? Oh, it must had been when they weren’t talking. He thought.
“All right, I won’t say a thing. Let’s hear it out,” He sat up straight and positioned himself right in front of her. She started off with a small glitch, strumming it the wrong way but she slowly got the hang of it. The melody that came out surprised him; it was one of the songs he composed for Jieun and his group project back in semester two, and one of his all time favourites. And he wrote it while thinking of her.
And then she started singing; he knew she could sing and her voice flowed beautifully along with the melody and he waited for the final chorus before he sang with her too – it was actually an irony to sing it during summer because it was composed based on the joy of celebrating snow fall with the one you loved. He stared at her in awe; how can a woman be so beautiful and full of charms? It was so hard to resist falling in love with her all over again.
“So ... what do you think? On a scale of one to ten.” She bit her lips and smiled sheepishly. He by not saying a single thing, his brows furrowed and pretended to look dissatisfied. “Is it that bad? It’s not bad right? If not you won’t be singing with me. Right? YAH!” She flicked her finger on his forehead, which caused him to reel backwards as the pain consumed him.
“God I swear you will be the death of me if you keep on doing that!” He scowled at her, rubbing his throbbing head. It was a miracle he was still sane after all of her strong flicks on that spot. “I give it a six, mainly because you still have to work on the way you strum. You are giving a little too much pressure on it, and other than that. It’s fine.”
“Really? You mean that?” She brightened up, looking at him intently. He chuckled.
“Yes, midget. I meant it. You did great for a beginner, actually.” He smiled softly.
She smirked. “I know.” She winked at him before strumming the guitar incoherently at him.
“Come on, let’s go. I bet they’re home by now.” He stood up and offered his hand to her, and side by side they walked towards the bus stop. Jonghoon was in the midst of head-locking’s Hyosung head at the traffic light (waiting for it to turn green) when a van slowed down infront of them; it was totally tinted and he could only see their reflections on it. Maybe he was being paranoid but he felt like the people behind those dark glasses were staring at them, and before he knew it sped off in the traffic, followed by what seemed like a couple of taxis. Strange.
Jonghoon’s expression changed when he saw Kikwang and Dongwoon sitting on the sofa when they entered the lobby area, as if waiting for them. Dongwoon greeted him cheerfully, like he always did, but Kikwang’s was unreadable; he usually would smile at him even if Jonghoon didn’t. But not today. He seemed distant ... and angry.
“What are you guys doing here? Weren’t you guys shooting for talk show a few hours ago?” Hyosung hugged Dongwoon and then Kikwang, who quickly wrap his hand around her waist and pulled her to him for a long hug. Jonghoon rolled his eyes at the sight. Yes, he was jealous all right.
“Didn’t I tell you that I’ll stop by? Why? You don’t want us here?” Kikwang leaned in and kissed her o the nose before pulling back to look her in the eyes. The affection he witnessed between them pained him, so he looked elsewhere to find Dongwoon staring at him. As if sympathetic. As if he saw something in him. He quickly shook his head and smiled at him.
“All right guys, let’s keep the PDA to yourself and get going. I’m hungry!” Dongwoon harrumphed, tapping his foot in impatiently.
They were greeted by a delighted Daehyun, who struggled to get out of Minhwan’s embrace and ran up to Dongwoon when he saw him. Everyone laughed when Minhwan scowled; he had long declared Dongwoon as his rival, ever since the first day they met, to win Daehyun’s affection. It seemed like Dongwoon was leading this one, and almost in every other meet ups as well.
He excused himself to go back home, saying he needed to crash on some more notes for the finals, when in truth it was unbearable for him to see the woman he loved in another man’s arms. And was he that obvious? Kikwang seemed to realize that he was in love with her, because he swore he could see jealousy in that man’s eyes.
And what the was with him, gripping her tight when he came near? He may love Hyosung, but not in a million years would he think of stealing someone’s lover away. They had been exchanging icy glare when no one was looking too.
“Psh. Just you wait, you short human being!” Jonghoon strummed his guitar in anger, cheeks puffed.
The living room was quiet. It was as if not even a single living thing dared to break the silence that was so strong, so endearing, so emotional – witnessed by only a dim light from the table lamp. Dongwoon wished him all the best before he left together with Minhwan, Jaejin and Seunghyun, granting him a private time with Hyosung. He was thankful for that.
“I am so sorry ...” His voice was barely a whisper, but he knew she could hear him. Hyosung remained mute in front of him, her eyes fixated on their intertwined fingers. He wished she would just scream at him, or hit him senseless, just anything but a silence – it was death sentence itself. He dropped on his knees, hands still joined and looked up to her eyes pleadingly.
“I understand if you hate me for this, and I won’t blame you for that. I deserved it. I just wanted you to know about this from me and not from anyone else, and that is all.” He confessed. His eyes stung with the tear that already welled up when he started to unfold the secret he had been holding on from her for so long. There was so much going on inside of his head but all he wanted was her response – she still sat there, just like that.
“Hyosung ...”
“Kikwang, I am really tired. I think,” She continued as she let out a shaky breath, “I think you should leave now.” Droplets of her tear fell onto his hand and he felt like it created a hole right through it. It burnt. He felt her disentangling her fingers from his slowly but he held on to hers until the last possible second before they were completely disengaged. His own tears were washing down his cheeks, and he felt the tremendous pain deep in his heart when she started sobbing quietly.
He kept his eyes on her, and praying hard she’d look at him. She wouldn’t so he clutched her fingers once again, his thumb lightly grazed the skin beneath and he was thankful she didn’t pull away. She finally looked down to him, and she looked so vulnerable and sad and everything he was meant to fix. He let out a strangled breath as he opened his mouth to tell her how sorry he was and how much she meant the world to him and he would do anything to fix his mistakes.
She stood up quickly before she could hear his apology, but he quickly grabbed her hand to stop her. It relieved him when she stopped in her track but it was short-lived as she pulled her fingers away from him, and his heart constricted so badly when it disentangled.
“Please ...” She choked, as if trying hard to suppress her tears. She turned her back to him and he could see her trembling, and it felt like a million knives stab him at the sight. He stood there even when she moved towards her door, opening it wide, a sign for him to leave. His steps heavy, he walked to the door and stole one last glance towards her; her eyes were already surprisingly bloodshot red as she blubbered. She wouldn’t even look at him when she locked her grills and she shut the door in his face.
He lingered for a moment and he heard a thump against her door, and a strangled sobs could be heard. He should had expected this but it still didn’t ease the fact that he had torn both of their hearts to pieces tonight; her knowing about his fidelity and him witnessing herself crumbling once again before his eyes.
He failed her, again.
The warm night summer breeze felt like ice as it brushed against Hyosung’s delicate skin as she pulled the blanket further up to her neck. She shivered slightly, feeling countless goosebumps on her arms and legs with chills continuously journeying up and down her spine, due to the coldness that surrounded her heart. How could he do that to her? How could he ...?
Just when she thought her heart was almost mended, the wound that was almost healed reopened and to top that, it got bigger. Her heart bled at his confession, shattered once again.
That night, with a wounded heart, she cried herself to sleep.
Her music box too, remained untouched.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Holy crap, that was crappy. Oh my god, writer's block!
Anyway, hi everyone! I'm really glad that you still do find the time to read my story, even though it's getting crappier each day. I have all these ideas in my head, but I just don't know how to put it down when I type the story. *sigh.
Thanks to all my new subscribers! And for my loyal readers, again. Thank you!
*big big big big big bear hug.
Bye!
Oh btw, the song Jonghoon and Hyosung sang together was inspired from DIA's Snow Falls All Over The World. I find the song rather cute and adorable, and it fits their situation. Just incase you want to know, here goes! :P
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