How It Ends
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Sorry even if it’ll give you a scar again,
But I still need your love,
How can I live without you?
I don’t want to live without your love,
You can’t forget me yet,
Forgive me for being so bad,
I’m sorry but I need your love,
I’m sorry ...
— Wonder Girls's Sorry
“Jonghoon is free to come back to you!”
Sakura’s words had been haunting her thoughts since the last time she saw her, leaving a huge question mark in her head. Despite the fact she despised the thought of Jonghoon spending his time with her, he had chosen her didn’t he? So why was she still bothered by it? Hyosung shook her head, hating that she let the thought of them took her over again. She shouldn’t, not anymore. She had grown to realize she should be selfish and ignore anyone else except Daehyun, nothing more. Probably the burning pain in her heart would hurt less if she did. Probably.
Omma.
Appa.
Mama.
Jonghoon.
Kikwang.
People always leave.
They weren't any different. They had told her how they would be there, that they wouldn't leave her, and then she would always woke up only to find out that they were all gone. They all left. The promise the made to be there for her, those were all lies.
Her heart constricted tightly in her chest, her breathing hitched as the tears flowed hotly against her pale cheeks. She let the tears burnt her skin a moment longer before heading off to her room. She quietly laid her body next to the petite form in her bed, carefully reached out across him to flick the light off and gently gathered him in her arms. She studied the too familiar features of his face – his eyes, nose, his bone structures – everything was an exact copy of hers. Her fingers smoothed along his little nose down to his pink lips and back to where it started. The blueberry scent of him tingled her nose, upturning her frown to a small smile.
Her little guardian angel – the only remnant to her faith in life.
Should we just disappear, Daehyun? Maybe ... maybe they won’t hurt us again if we do. Maybe ... maybe this suffering will end too. Huge lump formed at the back of once again and she strained to stop from the sobs to come, leaving her body trembling uncontrollably.
She was strong. She had to believe that. It would be the only way to overcome this. She was strong, and she could be great without them; she would be fine.
It would just take her some time.
Daehyun’s little snores startled her, and she quickly wiped the tears away. She pulled the cover closer to them both, and shut her eyes.
Minhwan plopped next to Seunghyun and reached for the remote control, flipping the channels nonstop until a pillow smacked him squarely in the head. He sighed, head fell back to rest upon the cushion.
“Are you sure Hyosung-noona won’t be tagging along?” Minhwan asked. “I want them to tag along.” He whined.
“Daehyun needs to do his regular check up tomorrow. I think you should know better than that, idiot.” Hongki squeezed himself in between them with a carrot in his mouth and rest his legs atop of Seunghyun’s. “Is Jonghoon coming or not?” He stopped chewing and turned to Jaejin, who shook his head sadly.
“He is probably busy making out with that psycho maniac. Ouch! That hurts!” Minhwan rubbed his forehead after Hongki smacked it. “It is the truth!” He replied, narrowing his eyes at Hongki.
“Says who I’m not going?” Jonghoon dropped his items next to theirs at the door and plopped on the kitchen stool, ignoring the deathly stare from Minhwan. “I need to grab something from Daisuke, so give me half an hour.” With that, he left. Minhwan stared after him; he changed a lot and he really meant it. It was a miracle that he planned to join their summer vacation together.
“Why do we bring him again?” Minhwan gritted his teeth as he felt his anger boiled.
“Because I said so. Come on Minhwan, whatever happened between him and Hyosung, let them deal with it on their own. We have no right to intervene.” Hongki smacked Minhwan’s forehead. “And he is your hyung, have some respect.”
“I wonder what Hyosung-noona is doing though. She had been throwing a lot of stuffs lately. Is she moving somewhere else?” Seunghyun suddenly voiced out. Multiple heads snapped towards his direction, their eyes rounded. “What? I was just wondering ...” he faltered.
“Questionable though. I did ask her but she said she was just doing some spring cleaning.” Jaejin paused but continued on before Minhwan could add in. “Wait ... spring cleaning in summer?” They eyed each other when a sudden realization dawned on them. They quickly scrambled off their feet, racing towards the door and were at Hyosung’s in a flash, knocking her door simultaneously.
“Oh my god, guys. Are you trying to break this door down?” Hyosung scolded when she ushered them in. Their suspicion heightened at the sight of almost empty house; boxes arranged against the wall and all the picture were taken down with only the house’s original furniture stayed.
“Noona! Don’t leave us!” Minhwan suddenly exclaimed in horror.
“Leave? What are you talking about?” Hyosung eyed them in confusion and followed their gaze at all the boxes. “You silly boys. I’m not leaving anywhere. I told you I’m doing some late spring cleaning. The house is getting pretty dusty and crowded lately, I can’t stand it. Oh, why aren’t you guys leaving yet though? It’ll be a five hours drive to reach the mountain base, isn’t it? You should get going now or it’ll be really late when you arrive.” She said, changing the topic.
“Y-yeah. I think we should. Are you sure you don’t want to tag along, noona? It isn’t that fun without you.” Minhwan pouted at her, playing along as he tugged on her hand. She giggled.
“I’m really sorry but tomorrow’s appointment is important. Besides, I need to get more insulin from the doctor since I’m running really low on it.” She bit her lips and eyed them apologetically. “Maybe next time, okay? Now go. Have fun!” She pinched his nose and smiled.
“All right all right but before that, where’s Daehyun?” Seunghyun wondered.
“I just gave him a shot just now so he just fell asleep. Lets just say I pricked the wrong spot again, so yeah.” Hyosung laughed and they pictured Daehyun throwing tantrums for that and laughed too. She accompanied them to their van later, helping them to load their equipments and tents. “All right, have a safe journey guys.” She said cheerfully when they finally loaded everything. The situation suddenly turned awkward when Jonghoon arrived, you could actually cut the air with a knife.
“Anyway, see you in a week noona!” Minhwan cut in and hugged her. The uneasy feeling arose again when she prolonged the hug, as if ... it was a goodbye. He pulled back to look at her and the emotion he saw etched in her eyes scared him and she quickly put on a smile and did the same to the rest of the guys, but she stopped at Jonghoon though, giving him only a nod.
“Promise me, you guys will take care of yourselves okay? I won’t be there to supervise you so take care, all right?” Her voice sounded strained and Minhwan’s heart skipped a beat. I don’t feel good about this. I don’t feel good about this. He continued to watch her until her figure disappeared in the distance, and he sat in his seat, the loud engine accompanied his thoughts.
“Hyung, I really don’t feel good about this.” He said to Hongki, who too seemed to be lost in thoughts. Hongki stared at him and sighed. “Lets hope it’s not what we think it is, okay?” Hongki assured him.
“Crossing my fingers.” Minhwan whispered under his breath.
Kikwang sat motionless in the car seat, a bottle of an unopened beer on the dashboard and he just sat there, gazing at her apartment. He felt so empty; she left a huge void in his life that nobody could ever replace, the emptiness too great to be buried. He knew no matter how hard he try to forget her, he simply couldn’t. Their memories together were too deeply embedded in his mind, erasing it away would probably take a lifetime.
Why are you here, ? Haven’t you hurt her enough? His mind screamed at him. But he was dying to see her; the look she gave when he gave the locket – it shattered him, tormented him. He tried to ignore it but every time he blinked it was as though someone burnt it further onto his eyelids, strengthening the image. He needed to see her and just a glimpse will do.
It was as if god granted his prayer when a petite form exited the apartment compound and he immediately recognized it was her. How could he not? Almost his entire life was dedicated to loving this woman. Where is she going in the middle of the night? He waited for her to reach a certain distant before he quietly follow her from a far by his car. She seemed to be so lost in thought because she didn’t seemed to bother the car that was following. Where are you going ...?
She walked for miles and miles, getting him increasingly worried when they finally reached Yoyogi Park. It was still buzzed with activities despite how late it was. Kikwang quickly parked at the side road and exited the car when he thought it was safe enough to follow her without being noticed. He pulled onto his large sweatshirt, a hat and huge rimmed glasses on, and followed her from afar. She still didn’t notice his existence which he was glad, and she stopped by a huge tree just near to the lake and plopped down, staring emptily at the water that rippled by the wind.
He couldn’t hear it at first but when he got to a distance that was safe enough, and it was only then he could hear the muffled sobs that escaped from her. He felt as though someone had ripped his heart out of his chest when he looked down to the broken hearted woman with her arms curled around her knees, and the gold locket of his dangling in her hand. His own tears brimmed; he caused this. He was always inflicting pain to her. He always made her cry, even when he promised he wouldn’t.
“Why?” Her voice startled him, and Kikwang inhaled in shock. Did she saw him? He held his breath and waited; it seemed that she hadn’t since she continued on blubbering. “Why is this life so cruel to me, dear God? Why! What did I do to deserve this...?! Why does everyone leave?” Her strangled cries echoed and it pierced right through his heart. It’s not your fault, baby. It is never your fault. It’s our fault. It's my fault. How he wish he could tell her that.
“I must have been really bad in my previous life, maybe that is why I don’t deserve to be loved,” She let out a small laugh after a while, loud enough for him to hear, as if it was an epiphany that she just discovered. “Yes, that probably is why. All right, if that is what my fate is in this life, I ... understand.” She whispered sadly and pushed herself up and looked up to the dark sky. “Just don’t take Daehyun away from me, please. He is the only one that I have in my life right now and ... I would die without him.”
He watched as another of her precious tears rolled down her cheeks. He was so close to running up to her and just held her close in his arms, and just protect her from all the pains that is threatening to hurt her but he restrained himself, feeling his own heart crumbled to dust upon her confession. I’m so sorry ... I’m so sorry ... I’m so sorry ...
“I probably won’t be needing this anymore, don’t I ...?” She tugged her own locket from her neck and gazed at it with a deep longing. She kissed it for the longest time, and hung both of their necklaces on a branch near the tree. They hung freely in the air, entangling with each other as the wind swayed them on the branch, as if happy to be reunited. His breath hitched at the sight of the music box that she placed right below. “Good ... goodbye.” She stuttered, another strangled sob escaped before she quickly run away and left the scene, not even turning back. His hand reached for her but he knew he wouldn’t. He just couldn’t.
Kikwang came out of his hiding when he thought it was safe and head to the tree, his hand trembled as he took the two lockets. Isn’t this what you want? For her to hate you? For her to leave you? Get a grip, . She left! You should rejoice! A voice yelled in his head but he knew better. He took the lockets and held it close to his heart, his tears welled up again at having them in his hands again.
His knees gave away, and he cried.
For his loss. For her suffering.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Hi everyone!
Firstly, I'm sorry for this very short because it's usually long but I couldn't finish the actual long ones so I cut it into two. I'll update that one tomorrow, so wait for it! Hehe. Secondly, I think I will be able to update weekly this semester since my timetable isn't that packed like it was the last one? I think. So, do expect new updates every week!
But again ... I can't promise much on that because I'm afraid if something come up and I'll get busy as heck. University life is unpredictable.
*sigh.
Anyway, thanks for the lovely comments! I really do appreciate it!
And thanks to all my new subscribes as well! I love all of you!
Good day!
<3
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