"Until the moment when you give your love to me,

You're the one I care for,

The one, I'll wait for."

-- Billy Ocean's There'll Be Sad Songs (To Make You Cry)

It was weird; a few months ago she hadn’t thought that she was going to see any of them, even him, not for a long time anyway. Matter of fact she had been adamant in her conviction that she wasn’t going to see them, thus the moving away to a totally different country without telling anyone where she was going. And it hadn’t been easy, cutting herself from the people whom she considered as family – it had been damn near impossible.

But it seemed like fate had other plans for her, against her own will (sort of), they crossed each other’s path once again. Here she was, in the stark white hospital room, sitting next to him under the dim light of the side lamp, and watch the rise and fall of his chest as he slept on. Her hands itched to hold on to his, to let him know he’ll be okay – but it itched even more to hit him in the head, hard. She was upset, all right.

Couldn’t he taken better care of himself? Must she always be the one to be there for him, to remind him to take the medicines?  Didn’t he promise her that he would? He promised.

He broke his promise once again, it seemed. No surprise there, she thought sadly.

She stared at his sleeping form for a moment longer and she could feel tears started to gather at the back of and her eyes stung when it threatened to fall. She dug her nails deep into the bed cover and bunched it tightly in her fingers, fighting the emotion away. She shouldn’t feel like this, she shouldn’t be here for that matter!

Just an hour ago, she was laughing and enjoying Jaejin’s birthday but it was short-lived when Dongwoon received that phone call – Kikwang was rushed to the hospital after he collapsed at home, having trouble breathing when his asthma attacked. Her own heart almost stopped beating when she heard it. Asthma? The last attack she remembered him telling was when he was ten!

Her gaze wandered back to him, her heart did a summersault again, and she reached out to push his bangs so she could see him better but she stopped halfway and retreated it back. No Hyosung, you can’t ...

And now she would have to face all the faces that she left behind three months ago if she steps out that door, even though deep down she knew she would eventually have to. Could the day get any worse? Careful not to wake him up, she pushed the chair back slowly and walked to the door but her steps paused behind it. She was again scared – scared of who she would have to face. Will they scream at me? Will they hate me?

The metal hinge squeaked loudly when she pushed the door and she immediately snapped her head to Kikwang’s direction, afraid it might awaken him but thankfully he didn’t. Cursing under her breath, she heaved heavily and pushed the door further apart, just wide enough for her to pass through it.

She bowed her head and shut tight her eyes quickly when she stepped outside, her breath caught in , knowing who she would be facing when she saw them sitting not far away from where the room was. I’m cool, I’m calm, and I’m collected. She braced herself, just in case they think of hitting her ... or something.

“Hi ...” she croaked, was suddenly parched and she bowed at them. She could feel dozens of eyes on her, and she just wished the ground would swallow her right then. Not a single sound was made, and for a moment there she thought time stopped before she felt a pair of arms around her, hugging her tight. It was GNa.

“Oh my god, Hyosungie,” GNa sniffled in her ears, her tears slowly soaked through Hyosung’s hair as she sobbed. Hyosung hugged her back tightly. Her heart wrenched at the situation and she wanted to cry but she held it back – she couldn’t. She didn’t want to cry.

“I miss you too, unnie,” she whispered and pulled back to get a good look in each of their eyes that was so familiar and there they stood before her; she noticed the emotions portrayed on their faces. Joy? Upset? She couldn’t tell when her own was in utter chaos.

“I ... miss all of you too,” She said softly and smiled, even though she was on the brink of breaking down. No Hyosung, you’re strong remember? Don’t cry, please. “I ...”

“It’s okay. Dongwoon told us everything. You should’ve told us, honey. Didn’t I tell you that I’ll be there for you no matter what?” GNa cupper her face in her palms and squeezed her cheeks, staring intently into her eyes. She only managed to nod at her words and hugged her again. It felt so warm; she had always love warm hugs like this. It made her feel safe and secure, and loved. GNa’s hug always warmed her up, inside and out, so she stayed that way to savour it a moment longer. “I’m sorry, unnie,” she whispered.

She went to the rest of the boys and they said the exact same thing like GNa and she did the exact same thing too – she would just nod and hugged them. She didn’t realise how strong the bond she had with them until now; she didn’t need to explain herself to them as they seemed to understand it without the need to exchange any words. And they treated her like they always would; ruffling her hair, pinching her cheeks, and Doojoon gave her the brotherly hug that he always give when they see each other.

It was so hard not to cry and she felt herself trembling.

“Hyo, are you okay? You look pale,” they seemed to notice the distress in her and she immediately shook her head and smiled. It didn’t reach her eyes, she noticed it.

“I’m fine. Just tired. I ... have to go now. Daehyun’s alone at home and ... he needs me.” She said, her voice solemn suddenly.

“We’ll go fetch him. You can stay with GNa ...”

“No, I need to go home. I’m sorry.”

“Hyosung ...”

“I have to go. I’m really sorry.” She cut Doojoon short and made a move to hug all of them clumsily and walked away without looking back, but someone tugged her hand.

“What about Kikwang ...?”

That made her froze in her steps.

Damn it.

She spun around and got a good look in their eyes, she had remembered the people who had been there for her when she was crumbling down, the people who had put their life on hold to take care of her. She also didn’t fail to notice the intense sadness that was lurking behind their eyes. She knew it only too well; it was her best friend and companion.

“I’ll ... come to visit tomorrow, I promise.” She finally said after a momentary pause, trying hard suppress her tears that were threatening to fall.

“Noona, let me send you at least. It’s way past midnight. It’s dangerous for you to walk alone. Please ...?” Dongwoon pleaded, and she knew he was right. What woman in her right mind would walk alone in the cold city night? She couldn’t afford to have anything happen to her, not with Daehyun with her. She fought back the tears and nodded.

She remained mute all the way ride back to home, couldn’t bother to even listen to Dongwoon talking – she just zoned out. She couldn’t feel her feet as she stepped out of the car; it was as if she was floating instead of walking. She was surprised to see a familiar figure waiting at the lobby and her heart wrenched even more when he came up to them and smiled up to her reassuringly, as if he knew what she was facing through.

They bid Dongwoon goodbye and headed up, and she still remained quite when Jonghoon assisted her into her apartment. She crept slowly to Daehyun’s room and peeked inside, relieved that he was soundly asleep.

“If you need anything, just call me all right? Good night,” Jonghoon came up beside her and gave her a brief hug before walking towards the door. It was then her wall totally crumbled and the next thing she knew, she was already on her knees and in his embrace.

“I-It hurts s-seeing him a-again,” she sobbed into his chest, her hands bunched his shirt as he rocked her slowly. “It h-hurts ...”

Jonghoon held her closer to him and rubbed her back as he remained quite. She was thankful – she just needed a shoulder to cry on, not any advices. Her tears soaked through his shirt when the tears became uncontrollable, so he started to hum her lullaby. She didn’t know when her sobs started to recede but one thing for sure, she felt so lethargic.

The last thing she remembered was being cradled in Jonghoon’s arms before sleep induced her.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Hyosung asked, worried.

“Yes, mother. I’m fine. Don’t worry,” Jonghoon joked when they stepped out of the cab. She had been asking non-stop ever since she found herself awake in his arms this morning, worried that she caused discomfort for him to be in that position and it put a smile on his face.

“Really Jonghoon, why didn’t you just wake me up?” she asked again but he only shrugged to her.

Truthfully, he didn’t even felt it due to his worry on her breaking down last night. Yesterday was such an eventful day for her. First the sudden flash backs of the horrid accident and then ... Kikwang. Even the thought of him tugged his heart painfully, knowing that the fact that his Hyosung was romantically entangled with him, and he wondered why he even bothered to come here and accompany her to see him.

He didn’t question her why she wanted to visit him; it was her right and it wouldn’t look right if protested. He knew deep down she wanted to and all he could do now was to be with her, just in case anything happened.

“Come on,” The tug of her fingers on his brought him back to reality as she dragged him along to Kikwang’s room. They arrived in a matter of minutes, pausing behind the close door and he stared at her. She seemed troubled, as if contemplating whether she should enter or not. He chuckled quietly when she started mumbling under her breath, her brows creasing.

“Just go,” he turned her to face him and squeezed her shoulders. He saw the fear lurking behind her eyes as she looked at him; fear of seeing him again. He sighed and squeezed her shoulders once again, and motioned her to go inside with his head. “It’ll be fine. Trust me. Now go,” he pinched her nose and, the metal hinge squeaked when he opened up the door for her.

“H-hyosung ...” The mention of her name on Gikwang’s lips could be heard from outside not long after, and he didn’t know why he died a little inside.

Kikwang’s eyes opened to the beams of sunlight filtering through the white curtain, and he knew he was still in the hospital when the first thing he noticed was the high up white ceiling all around. He touched the breathing tube taped under his nose and winced at the slow steady throb of pain that stung his chest every once in a while; a mixture of strain and exhaustion, a faint reminder of the recent asthma attack he had.

He hated staying in a ward; he always had since he was a kid. Being warded for days after every asthma attack was not fun, at all. And now he was back to square one, and it frustrated him, knowing that this will cost him a lot of difficulties for his future activities. I need to get out. He sighed in frustration. He then swung his legs off the bed slowly, needing some fresh air.

The door squeaked open slowly when he was about to rise off the bed so he quickly jumped back on, afraid it might be one of the nurses. Damn it. He heard the sound of timid footsteps walking to him, so he pretended to be asleep. It felt like eternity had passed before that person came next to him, and he was suddenly invaded with a scent – a familiar vanilla and lavender scents of that only one person he remembered possessed. He felt a soft timid touch on his hand, and he felt a jolt of electricity through him.

“H-Hyosung ...” His breathing caught in his throat when he saw who was in front of him. He roughly blinked his eyes open and shut several times, afraid he was just dreaming ... or hallucinating but she was still standing there, looking at him.

He couldn’t help but stare at her, savouring the sight as he was still afraid this was all just a dream. He sat up slowly and reached out for her hands, and it felt real. She was real. Several tears escaped and slid down his cheeks, and his lips parted, releasing a strangled sobs.

“H-Hyosung ...” he choked and he pulled her into his embrace as his tears became uncontrollably. He pulled back to look into her eyes and found that she was crying as well, her tears glimmered against the sunlight as they rolled down her cheeks so he pulled her back into his embrace.

They stayed that way for a long time, neither want to break the embrace, and neither speaking the words they truly want to say. Hyosung was the first to pull away, just far enough for him to look at her while still holding on to her.

“You look so thin, Hyosung,” he observed with teary eyes. She did look thinner from the last time he saw her; her cheeks had shrunken a little and her frame was smaller when he hugged her. “Are you sick?”

“I’m not the one who’s attached with a breathing tube right now,” she simply replied. He managed to let out a soft chuckle in between his little sobs but his expression turned serious not long after. He cupped her face in his hands and gazed deeply into her eyes, another lone tear rolled down his cheek as he did, and the intense sadness lurking behind her eyes wasn’t helping.

“When you left, I tried searching for you but I couldn’t find you. I asked around, but no one knew of your where about. I ... was so lost without you, Hyosung. I’m ...” He breathed in deeply as he tried to compose himself and blinked away the tears that brimmed, wanting to see her clearly. “I’m sorry ... for all the things that I had done, for all the promises that I had broken, for all the tears that you had shed because of what I did. I’m really sorry ...”

Hyosung remained silent and it tore him inside.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me, and I know you hate me but I don’t mind. Seeing you right here, right now, is enough.” He continued as his voice fell to a whisper. He quickly released her face and immediately got off the bed and fell to his knees, and bowed.

“I’m really sorry ...” He really couldn’t control his tears now and let it fall freely as he bowed to her feet. Right then he felt a pair of small arms pulling him up to a sitting position and before he knew it, a strong slap landed across his cheek causing his head to snap a to the side. It stung.

“I deserved that, don’t I?” He chuckled and faced her slowly, his hand on his cheek.

“Pabo!” She hit his chest this time angrily, repeatedly saying the same word as she broke down into tears. He let her hit him and when she finally stopped, she bowed and bunched his shirt in her hands and cried harder. By now his nose was running along with his eyes, smearing his cheeks once again as he watched her cry. Anger rocked through him like the whiplash after a heavy punch. He was mad – at himself. Because of him, she suffered.

“No matter how much pain you gave me ... I can’t seem to be angry at you for long,” Her voice was barely audible but he heard her, and his heart wrenched at her confession. She pulled herself away from him and their gaze met once again, and it pained him to see the grief look on her as she searched his eyes. “Why ...?” she choked, her face contorted in pain and sorrow.

Kikwang remained silent as they gazed at each other longer before pulling her back into his embrace and just hold her close to him, and his tears dropped once again, soaking through her hair. With those words, he realized that Hyosung had forgiven him and he was more than thankful for it but it still didn’t ease the pain one bit.

“I promise you, I’ll do anything to make up for what I did,” He whispered in her hair as he rocked her.

I promise.