"Cause trying not to love you, only goes so far,

And trying not to need you, is tearing me apart,

Can't see the silver lining, from down here on the floor,

And I just keep on trying, but I don't know what for,

Cause trying not to love you, only makes me love you more."

-- Nickelback's Trying Not to Love You.

"Where are you going?" Dongwoon heard Kikwang's voice coming from the kitchen as he was about to step out. Dang!

"Nowhere, hyung. Uhm ... just doing my usual run. You know, to keep my body fit. Yeah," He lied. He hoped Kikwang would buy it and let him leave in peace. He was already late for Jeaejin's birthday gathering, and he promised Hyosung he'd get the cake. Thinking how infuriated Hyosung would be freaked him out – a blow to the head by her was no joke. People can get amnesia for that hit alone.

"You're going out for a jog in that?" Kikwang gave him a ridiculous look when he pointed out to his clothes. He had forgotten that he was dressed up smartly for the event.

"Ah ... yea?" was the only answer he managed to give, mentally knocking himself in the head for that. You couldn't give a better answer, is it pabo?

"Whatever. Anyway, wait for me. I think I need a little workout myself," Kikwang replied a moment later, and before Dongwoon could protest, he was already at the door, complete with a face mask to cover up their identity from the public.

"Hyung, don't. You still haven't fully recovered yet," Dongwoon eyed him anxiously, not worried about his plan suddenly. Kikwang was attacked by asthma a couple of days ago, which shocked everyone including Kikwang himself. He used to have asthma, way back when he was ten, and it was the last one he said remembered he had.

Dongwoon wasn't that shocked though, because he knew it was Kikwang's own fault – he had been neglecting on his medicine intake, since he hated the fact that he had to depend on medications to keep his body fit. When Hyosung was around, she was the one who constantly remind him to eat his medication but now she was no longer with them ... Kikwang just slacked it.

"Nah, its fine. I've eat the meds. Let's go," Kikwang replied. "What? I did eat them okay. Come on."

They jogged for half an hour at the Yoyogi Park, and Dongwoon was getting restless by the minute. Knowing Kikwang, his chance of escaping was rather slim, because he would tag along to wherever he'd go. Augh, come on think Dongwoon think!

"Why do you seem restless?" Kikwang's voice snapped him out of his faraway thought on how to escape, and he found Kikwang staring weirdly at him. "Are you meeting someone? Is that why you don't want me to follow you?" He grinned cheekily.

"Uh ... yeah?" This seemed like a good opportunity to lie, so he went along with it. Smooth, Dongwoon.

"You're going out with someone and you keep it a secret from me?" Kikwang punched him in the arms playfully and gave him a head-lock. "I'm so telling Doojoon later!"

"Hyung, stop! You're messing with my hair!" He choked as he struggled to break the vice grip of Kikwang on his neck, and was out of breath when he finally did. "Are you trying to kill me? Dang, look what you did to my hair!" he said, pretending to be distraught.

"All right, run along now. Don't keep your date waiting," Kikwang ruffled his hair before walking away from him and waved him off. "Say hi to her for me!" And he disappeared into the crowd.

"Wow, that was ... easy. Why didn't I think of that?" He muttered as he fixed his hair and attire, and made his way to the meet up when he remembered something.

", I forgot to the cake!"

"You're not supposed to eat that!" She exclaimed before smacking Minhwan's sneaky hands off the newly baked cookies, but she was too late. He instantly grabbed two and stuffed one of them in his mouth, before making a sprint to the living room and she could hear him celebrating his accomplished mission with Seunghyun by the sound of them giving high-five to each other.

"We love you, noona!" They said aloud from the living room, snickering still.

"I'll deal with you two later!" She huffed and continued on arranging the dough on the baking tray and she had a mini heart-attack when someone covered her eyes from behind. "Oh my god, you scared me!" She spun around and hit a laughing Jonghoon in the arm, and frowned.

"Hey, stop tensing up. Relax," Jonghoon chuckled as he grabbed some chocolate chips and shove it into his mouth.

"There are still a lot of things that aren't done yet. This cookies, and I haven't start on the dessert yet, and I know those boys haven't finish the decoration, and Dongwoon is still not here with the cake, and and ..." Her words were muffled against his hand that came to cover as he put a finger to his lips, a smile spread across his face.

"Princess, chill? Don't be stress up about this. Jaejin will be more than thankful for all these things we've prepared him. Well, he better be or else," Jonghoon was on his knees and he looked up to her and shot her a cheeky smile. "Shupa-man is here so please let him save you from all this misery." He gently took her hand in his and bowed.

"Well then, let's cut this crap and start working Mr Shupa-Man. This is a royal order, you copy?" Hyosung pulled her hands away and knocked his head softly, and together they started working wonders in the small kitchen of hers.

Hyosung would occasionally steal glances at Jonghoon's way and laughed when he kept on complaining over small matter such as what took the cookie so long to bake and being dramatic when she told him to chop the carrots, saying how he'd lose a thumb if he did. As she was busy preparing the meal for their small birthday celebration, she couldn't help but notice how her tummy would flutter whenever he smiled at her.

She was really happy with everything lately.

She and Dongwoon patched up, and he had been visiting regularly like he always would in Korea. Daehyun was never so happy ever since they moved here, and so was she. She did think about Kikwang once in a while and the pain was still there, but it was frittering away bit by bit, and it was majorly because Jonghoon was by her side.

No, she wasn't in love. She just felt so happy but then again, the emotion she felt was indescribable for the past weeks. Who wouldn't? After all these years of separation, fate once again brought them together and she was finally united with her dear childhood friend, her shupa-man. And she finally knew the reason why he left, and it relieved her it wasn't because of her being an orphan. Memory of that night flashed back in her head.

“Why would you think that?” He gazed at her ludicrously as they sat on the floor, facing each other, hands in hands. “Hyosung, I will never do that!”

“I don’t know. I just thought it that way ...” She looked away from him and down to their entangled fingers. He released one hand and cupped her face and lifted it so that their eyes were locked.

“Never,” He whispered and his thumb caressed her cheeks softly as he looked deeper into her eyes, and she knew he was being sincere. He brushed away the tear that escaped her eye and she saw his was b with tears, again.

“A week after the accident, Appa got the promotion of being Vice President at his company but he was told it would be based in Japan and he had to start immediately. Do you remember I was discharged early?” He asked her in the midst of explaining the situation, and she nodded. She remembered, but she couldn’t be bothered as she was still traumatized from the accident and losing both her parents. Miraculously, she only broke her leg and he escaped with a minor injury on the arm.”We left for Japan two days after I was discharged and I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye to you,” he continued, his tone in utter sadness.

“Why didn’t you?” She asked.

“We did came back to say goodbye, but you were gone. The doctor said you were already sent to the orphanage, but he wouldn’t tell us where. ‘We can’t disclose that information’, he said. We tried hard searching for you, but we didn’t have much time left since we would be leaving for Japan the next day.” He added. “Do you know how devastated I was? I cried the whole night. I remembered running out from the plane and almost hoped into the cab, just so I can go and search for you. You have no idea how furious Appa was,” He chuckled.

“We searched hard for you, but to no avail because we don’t know your real name. I only know you as ‘my princess’ back then, remember? Hiring detectives seemed useless as we barely knew anything about you. All the while I live in Japan, I never did stop searching for you, Hyosung,” He searched her eyes once again, and she sobbed again knowing that he never did once forget about her. At least I knew someone still love me sincerely. He brought her close against his chest and calmed her down before continuing. “I never did forget you, princess. Ever.”He kissed her hair and hugged her closer, and Hyosung never felt more secure now after months of insecurity, whatever more now that her saviour was back.

They sat like that for what seemed like an eternity, just staring at each other as if they had just newly met.

“How did you know ...?” Jonghoon broke the silence, curiosity in his eyes.

“The scar gave it away – I saw it when I flicked your forehead the other day – and I just knew. This is my scar, remember?” she brushed it and smiled. “Other than that, your actions were what trigger the memory, especially the lullaby you always sing to me when I got upset. I didn’t know what took me so long to realize that ... it was my song, and only mine. My shupa-man made that song for me.” She smiled again and squeezed their entwined fingers.

“It was yours, and will always be yours,” He smiled back.

She suddenly felt a burning sensation and she snapped out of her thoughts, only to find out crimson coloured liquid forming around the fairly large gash on her finger. Clammy moisture broke out across her forehead, and her stomach flipped. The blood flowed out more freely now and her breathing started to slow in and out through . Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh crap. Despite her mental protest, her eyes stay glued to her cut finger as the blood continued on rolling down her wrist.

Flashes from the accident exploded in her head.

The loud screeching sound of the tire filled her ears as the car spun around endlessly; her mother’s deafening scream mingled with hers could be heard.

Her breath hitched.

No no no. NO. Not today, please.

Cool water washed over her fingers and the next thing she knew, she was dragged away from the kitchen and on the sofa, and she could hear the panic voices of Minhwan beside her but she was too dizzy to respond, too immersed in her own panic world.

She just stared at the large gash on her finger as Jonghoon slowly tend to her wound, all the while Minhwan kept on fanning her and Seunghyun massaged her shoulder. But she couldn’t feel a thing.

The gore scenes of the accident kept pouring in.

Covered with blood from his head to his body with millions of tiny glasses embedded into his skin, her father breathed out his final words ‘Save my child’ when the ambulance came to the rescue, trying their best to pull them out. And then he died.

Her heartbeat thundered loudly against her chest. The images were flowing like water now.

Her mother caressing her in their smashed car, body angled in a funny way as she too was soaked with her own blood, repeatedly saying ‘I love you’ before her life slowly drained out from her, and she eventually stopped breathing all together.

"Hyosung, look at me. Look me in the eyes," Jonghoon's soothing voice filled her ears when she was forced to stare into his eyes, his hands tenderly cupped her face as more tears spilled. "Breathe," he whispered, his eyes never leaving hers.

"B-b-blood ... so much blood. P-Papa ... O-Omma ... so much blood ..." She could barely recognize her voice in the middle of trembling, and at once she was securely pulled against his chest.

"Hush, calm down. I'm here. Calm down," Jonghoon whispered into her ears and started to hum her lullaby, swaying her body back and forth, his hand make a soothing circle on her back. Her own hands bunched tightly on his shirt as she tried to regulate her sanity, chanting I’m cool, I’m calm, I’m collected.

She didn't know how long the time past when she finally gathered herself; the soothing sound of her lullaby invaded her senses and she felt like her thumb like a baby and go to sleep. Jonghoon pulled away from her and looked her in the eyes, wiped the dried tears away and smiled to her.

"You okay now?" He pulled her chin up and caressed his thumb on her cheeks. She merely nodded and smiled weakly; she was thankful that he was there when she suddenly snap. She wouldn't know what will happen if he didn't.

"Good. Well, why don't you have a rest and we'll do the remaining preparations. The food is almost done anyway, so don't worry about that. Minhwan's our best chef so he can assist me in the kitchen, while Seung here can finish the decoration." He patted her cheeks and smiled at her despite the concern look on his face.

"It's okay, I can ..." He cut her words off by placing a finger on her lips. "Not another word. Rest. You've done enough," He pulled her off the sofa instantly and pushed her inside her room.

"Shupa-man to the rescue!" He made a good mimic of a cartoon character before closing the door, and she could hear him giving orders to the boys through the door. She smiled. She was glad she had someone to depend on to now, and her smile got even wider.

She was glad her shupa-man was back into her life.

And then she drifted off to sleep.

Kikwang drew in a deep breath as he stared at his reflection on the mirror, water droplets trickled down from every inch on his face. He tried to understand the person looking back at him, but his inside was numb. Even after almost three months, his heart still ached with a void that could only be treated by one person; Hyosung.

He was at his end wits trying to find her where about, yet he was still empty handed and the ache deepened as each failure passed on. He couldn't take it any longer – it hurt too much. He wanted to be stronger than this. He wanted to be happy again, but right now, he couldn't even remember how happiness felt like.

After casting one more glance at his reflection, he plugged in the earphones and continued jogging. His mind wandered back to Dongwoon and his date, and a small smile appeared. That little sneak, dating behind our back! He chuckled. He was happy for him; at least he finally found someone. Someone to love. Thinking of it put a frown back on his face so he quickened his pace into a run, and he ran as fast as he could until his lungs burnt for air.

An attempt to take his mind of the fact he was missing her so badly.

"Noona! Noona! Noona!"

"I will NOT eat that!"

"Noona! Noona! Noona!"

"Stop it! I. Won’t. Eat. This. Freaky. Thing!"

"Aw, noona come on! Do it for Jaejin. It's his birthday," laughed Dongwoon and looked at Jaejin for support. The chanting was getting louder by the minute. "Help me here, dude."

"Yeah, come on Hyosung. For me, pwease?" Jaejin pouted at her and she immediately shut her eyes tight.

"I'm not falling for that," She retorted. She felt two small hands cupping her face and squeezed her cheeks, causing her to open her eyes to a puppy-eyed Daehyun.

"Noona, pwease?" He pouted, and she knew her resolve dissipated with that. "Daehyun will eat if noona eat. Okay?"

"How very evil of you guys, turning my own brother, against me!" She tried to sound bitter, but a snicker came out instead. "Fine, just one bite. ONE BITE." She shot them her famous gummy smile and gulped. She was not much of a fan of sushi, what else a live octopus! She shivered at the sight of its tentacles encircling itself around her chopsticks. One bite, Hyosung, and it will all be over. Just one damn bite.

She could feel the tentacles clinging to her teeth when she chewed it, which caused her to squeal and laughter erupted in the living room when she almost toppled over while trying desperately to swallow it. And the night went on in merry; their laughter filled every corner of the boys' apartment as they belted out their voices in karaoke, enjoying simple games such as UNO and Monopoly, eating heartily with the food she had prepared with the boys and just simply enjoying each other's companies. Just like family always do.

"A penny for your thought?" He whispered, so close to her ears, it tickled so she giggled. He smiled and sat next to her. It was almost midnight and the party was coming to an end with each of them just lazing around in their own spot, some asleep and some just talking to each other. She chose to sat by the balcony and enjoy the cool breeze that played around her hair softly. The night sky was barely scattered with tiny little stars, but it was still a beautiful view.

"Nothing. I'm just ... happy," She smiled to him in return before her eyes wandered back to the beautiful night sky. She rested her chin on her palm and tilted her head, and sighed. "Thank you," her voice was barely a whisper, but she knew Jonghoon heard it because she felt him staring at her.

"You're always welcome," He said as he ruffled her hair. She tilted her head towards him and smiled again. "I'm glad you're feeling better now, after what happened today. I'll do whatever I can to keep that smile on your face, you know that right? Your shupa-man will always come to your rescue!" he said again, and her smile got wider. He always knew the right words to keep her smiling.

"I know. But if I could, I just want to thank you every single day, for everything you had done for me. I wouldn't know what will happen to me if you hadn't been with me from day one, I honestly don't ..." She replied, shivered a little when she thought about it. "So, thank you."

She placed her hand on his and squeezed it, and he put his other hand on hers and squeezed it back. Their eyes locked and Jonghoon stared at her, really stared at her, as if he was staring at something so precious to him. And suddenly she felt something – something indescribable  – inside bloomed. She felt weird and fuzzy with what she felt right then, the familiarity yet alien to her slowly engulfed her emotion. Why am I feeling like this?

"Hyosung. I ... I actually have something to t-t-tell you," Jonghoon stuttered on his words and Hyosung could feel her heart slowly beating fast. "Hyosung ... I ... I ..." before he could continue, Dongwoon suddenly came out to the balcony and was talking on the phone. He motioned an apology, and mouthed out 'Doojoon' to the phone so the both of them quieted down, suddenly blushing as they stood next to each other.

"What is it hyung? Where am I? I'm still ... with my date," Dongwoon let out a nervous laugh. "Why? I'll be back in just a moment. I'm ... sending her home right now."

Both Jonghoon and her laughed quietly at the back when they saw how nervous he was being. Hyosung couldn't help it; he always did that when he lie – lying was one of the things that Dongwoon at, aside from making really lame jokes.

"What?!" Dongwoon suddenly exclaimed, his voice was in utter horror. "Is he okay? Wait, which hospital are you at? All right, I'll be there now. Bye!" he snapped his phone shut and make a dash to the living room, leaving both of them fazed. "Noona, I have to go now. Bye."

"Woonie, what's wrong?" Hyosung grabbed him by the hand when he was about to walk out. He stared at her in the eyes, hard, as if contemplating whether to tell her or not. “Woonie ...?”

"Kikwang hyung ..." He said.

"W-What about him ...?" She went rigid at the mention of his name. The way Dongwoon was acting right then, it seemed like something happened. Something bad. She felt her heart beat skipped a few beats as she waited for his answer.

"He was sent to the emergency ward."

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hi everyone! I hope you enjoy the latest update. Forgive me if it isn't that satisfying though, I'll try to improve more on the next chapter. And it seems like I can't stop apologizing for not updating often, because I really am T_T

Anyway, I just need to tell you guys this. My current obsession is B.A.P. Yes, it is!

LOL. Okay, that's so random.

To everyone who've been reading this, be it my subscribers or you secret readers, thanks a whole bunch!

*showers everyone with love.