Harsh Reality
[INDEFINITE HIATUS] Back To Memories
"Even if those who take their own lives feel they have no choice — indeed, they often tragically believe their family and friends will be better off without them — the death rarely appears inevitable to those left behind."
Susan Sterling.
The snow flakes falling on a mid winter's day swirled with the will of the wind, undeterred by his presence. Kikwang gave them no heed in return instead walking through, crutches on both underarms, the chilling blast unable to deter his determination. Dongwoon walked alongside of him and Jonghoon trailed a couple of feet behind, just in case he fall.
The hill was littered with tombstones … the makeshift grave yard was his remembrance of everything he had once in his life now no longer. They stopped at the first marker, so worn it was amazing it still stood and yet there it was, Mrs Park's name still showing through the years of wind and rain. The snow threatened to hide it, erase her from their view, but with a swipe of his gloved hand, he saved her from that fate.
If only it was that easy.
Kikwang placed the pale blue baby's breath on her resting place, the stone holding it in place against the threatening wind. Mrs Park always loved blue … she said it reminded her of the blue sky scattered with clouds; he smiled fondly at the memory.
You're in a better place, Mrs Park.
They moved past Mrs Park’s cold grave to the next person they cared tremendously whom he failed to save. The final marker as of yet was the hardest for him to accept. Carefully, Kikwang brushed the snow away to view his name, the name he could never forget, the name of the very being that would shone their entire world with his mere presence. The name that would forever be engraved in their memories.
Jeon Daehyun.
His name shone brightly, the script cleat cut and untarnished by the elements; he was the newest to arrive here … and Kikwang blamed himself for it. It was his fault. If only he arrived earlier to save him and Hyosung. If only … He knelt by Daehyun’s grave, his hands placed the pale cluster of lavender on his headstone, reciting the words that would forever be in his memory.
Jeon Daehyun
Pure of Heart
Full of Life
Lived to Love
It was how Kikwang saw him and he found it only fitting to let him know in stone for eternity. His fingers once again traced over the words and he was brought back to the hospital, hearing Daehyun’s last whisper to him before he stoped breathing; Jeon Daehyun was no longer of the living and it was his fault.
He straightened and took it all in, each marker was a failure of his past…you can have no future if you stay in the past his mother always said. With his past, Kikwang was not sure if he wanted a future…a future full of promised pain and misery, perhaps more death. With that kind of future to look forward to, would he want to leave his past?
Somehow, Lee Kikwang managed to take a few steps away from those graves, the snow crunching under his boots with each footfall. He was able to turn around and walk away but not without.
You are all in a better place.
Hyosung’s eyes cast out the window, a sheath of white and a gloomy winter sky welcomed her view. It had been two months. A cry, a scream tried to come out of but in order to cry her lungs needed air, and Hyosung couldn’t breathe. The deep hole in her heart, the pain, making it almost impossible to breathe.
Daehyun is … dead.
She was in a living nightmare, a full-frontal harsh reality that hit her repeatedly. He had left her; Daehyun had closed his eyes eternally when hers are closed for a little while, unconscious. Her family was gone and she had no one left; her parents, her precious brother … they were all dead. Jeon Hyosung, the girl that everyone abandoned, was finally on her own.
She felt like dying.
Hyosung shut her eyes tightly, letting a stray tear rolled down her cheeks and onto the tear-stained pillow. Daehyun was gone. She would never hear his laughter again. She would never have him comforting her again when she cry. She would never feel him in her arms again. He was gone forever from her life and in that moment, everything finally sunk in.
She wanted to die.
Her eyes flew open and without realizing it, her fingers were already working, tearing off the straps of multiple tubes attached on her body. Hyosung bit down her chapped lip hard when a spasm of pain spread as she sat up right. It took her a moment to adjust after being bed-ridden for so long. Her bare feet touched the freezing tiles below her and she shivered as the chilling sensation traveled across her skin, creating goosebumps along the way.
Her swollen eyes darted quickly to her surrounding as her body moved slowly to the door, peeping through the glass. Two nurses were busy at their station, eyes glued to the paper works. Damn it! Standing behind the door, Hyosung contemplated on how to escape from their sight when a nurse came running to the nurse’s station.
“A patient is having a cardiac arrest!” the nurse’s frantic voice boomed across the hallway, and within seconds, the nurse’s station was empty. Well, my luck then. Hyosung thought as she peeked through the glass once again. The door made a soft creaking sound when she pull it opened slowly, and before she knew it, she was already making her way down the emergency stairs, hiding at dark corners to avoid nurses and securities and within minutes, she was out.
Her breath steamed in the cold winter air and she kept on walking aimlessly, her toes curled with each steps in the snow. She walked and walked, not caring the extreme numbness in her feet, and just moving to where her body took her. The crisp salty air welcomed her, and she instantly knew where she was.
Everything was so still, only the constant crashing of waves that broke the silence. She stood there, breathing hard. Her mind was completely numbed as well. Empty. A huge void. Hyosung continued on walking slowly towards the water, flinched upon the freezing contact but continued on walking until it reached her mid-riff.
“Dae, noona is coming to you.” A smile finally broke upon her face at that mere thought. “Wait just a little longer, please.”
And then she submerged herself fully into the water, feeling it pressuring her at every directions as the water started to roughen up. Noona is coming. I'm coming Dae. Noona is coming.
Before the darkness enveloped her, she thought she heard someone screamed her name.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Holy crap. Has it been really seven months since I last updated? Woah. That is really longer than I thought. Damn. Sorry guys! Guilty as charged but I'm really busy with university life. And not forgetting writer's block. And ... yeah. Sorry! I really thank you all for still requesting for any new updates, even when I abandoned it for that long. I seriously do cherish you guys! Thank you so much!
Will probably update another chapter within this week, or two weeks? Well that depends on how inspired I'll be. Hehe.
Anyway, much love and thanks!
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