I can't go on living this way
I can't go back the way I came
Chained to this fear
That I will never find the way to heal my soul
And I will wander until the end of the time
Half alive without you

- Evanescence's My Heart is Broken

The warm breeze of summer air brushed against Jonghoon’s skin and he continued strumming the guitar as he sang along to lyrics, his body moving along to the rhythm of the melody. He was finalizing the last piece at Yoyogi Park for the music fest in a week time, and he realized some of the songs were inspired from the heartache he felt lately – solely because of her.

He was not good at moving on; he never once did forget about Hyosung, not even when they were separated over the years.

Not even once.

When she permeated back into his life when he least expected it, he was on cloud nine and things hadn’t been the same ever since. Her presence brought warmth to his heart; the mere sound of her voice would brighten up his gloomy day, her childish behaviour brought him joy, her gorgeous smile made him weak in the knees, and a day without seeing her would make him restless.

He was spell bounded by her, every senses of his.

He sighed and drew his guitar back into his arms when a sudden movement from behind jolted him. Large pair of brown eyes met his, and he felt his annoyance surged up rapidly. Sakura.

“Back to stalking?” He grunted as she approached him. He signalled her to stop when she was five feet away. She frowned at first but her lips curled up and just stood there.

“If you keep running away, I’ll be.” She answered cheerfully, which annoyed him more.

“Stop it, Sakura. Need I remind you of your past restraining order? I can request for that if you insist.” He threatened and her eyes went wide.

“You’re so cold hearted. Why do you hate me so much ...?” Her lips quivered and her voice broke. She stared hard at him, tears brimmed in her large round eyes. “It’s your stupid precious princess, isn’t it? She ruined our relationship!”

“No, you ruined it. Stop with the blame game, please, it is seriously monotonous and I am sick of it. And I’m wasting my time entertaining you. Bye.” He shrugged her hand that was on his arm off and gathered his belongings, and left her staring his back.

“I know she is here.” She snickered when he stopped in his track and snapped his head towards her direction. “I’ll find her. You know I will.” She smirked.

“Can you ing stay away from the people around me?!” He gritted the words and strode to her, his hands grabbed her arms. He felt her winced at his tight grip but her grin lingered.

“Make me.” She laughed; the kind of laugh that left the chilling goosebumps all over your skin.

He glared at her once more before pushing her away and she fell to the ground, her laughter filled the air and he quickly left her behind. It was a relief she didn’t follow him. On the taxi ride back home, he thought on what happened at the park.

He was not a man who treated a woman with disrespect, but it was a different case for Sakura. She didn’t deserve respect, not after the most inhumane thing she done – she left her newborn illegitimate baby (she was knocked up by the guy whom she left him for) for dead on the cold street in winter. It was a miracle the baby survived.

She was first convicted but was released months later for ‘good behaviour’ in the cell. And since then, she wouldn’t stop bothering him like no other which fazed him. Why him? He wasn’t the one who left her so why did she keep on stalking him? He had to put restraining order on her when it got unbearable; she started sending death threats to his dates (which explained why he remained dateless), constantly appearing out of nowhere begging him to take her back.

She disappeared not long after but came back recently, just the perfect timing when Hyosung came back into his life, and it scared him. He feared that she must had seen him with Hyosung, and knowing Sakura, he feared more for Hyosung’s safety. Please dear God, please don’t let her harm Hyosung. Please.

Just when he was about to turn the door knob to enter the house, a pair of hands grabbed his arm, causing him to literally jump a couple of feet into the air. And then he heard her chiming laughter.

“You idiot! That is not funny! I could have pulled off my taekwando moves on you, you know!” He glared at her, his palm over his racing heart. She held on to her tummy, almost in tears from laughing.

 “Oh my god! I’m sorry, g-give me a m-minute,” She wheezed and continued on laughing for what seemed like forever that he had to cover his hands over and made her stop. Their eyes met and he flinched when he realized they were so close to each other.

“Uh, I’m sorry,” He rubbed his neck uncomfortably. “I-I’ll be going then.”

Before he could make his move, he felt a tug on his arm and he stopped. Hyosung grip tighten when he didn’t say a thing.

“You hate me,” Her voice strained. It was not a question but a statement, and he saw it coming. He braced himself and slowly turned his body to face her, and her gaze fell to the floor. I can never hate you, princess. Never. He sighed. He didn’t feel like confessing in his messed up state, not after what happened at the park. His manly ego wouldn’t allow it either. He slowly disentangled her hands off his arms and it fell weakly to her sides.

“I’m sorry,” His voice fell to a whisper, and he quickly made his move inside, closing the door behind him. He slammed his bedroom door shut and threw himself on the bed. He saw the tear in her eyes, and it killed him to know that he was the cause to it.

I’m sorry, princess.

Hyosung stared at herself in the mirror as she spun around to check herself out after applying the finishing touches on her makeup; she hoped it was enough to cover the puffiness around her eyes. Yes, she had been crying again after what happened that afternoon. Surprisingly, it hurt her so much. She quickly shook it out of her thoughts. Focus on your date tonight, Hyosung!

For the first time in weeks (or was it months?), they finally managed to find a slot of his time to go on a dinner date and she had been looking forward to it. He had been extremely busy promoting day and night for their Japanese promotion that he barely had any chances to drop by.

The doorbell rang and she knew Kikwang must have arrived after hearing Daehyun’s excited squeal in the living room. Smoothing her pink sundress that fell just above her knees, she stole one last look in the mirror and made her way out. Kikwang was twirling Daehun around and both stopped in their track when they saw her, and she blushed when both boys stared at her with their mouth slightly agape.

“What ...?” She asked, her self-consciousness rose.

“Noona pretty!” Daehyun ran up and hugged her legs tightly.

“Why thank you, sweetheart,” She giggled and ruffled his hair fondly.

“Yes,” Was the only word Kikwang uttered when he ushered near, pulling her close and twirled her around before dipping her backwards, and he stared deep into her eyes. “You look stunning, Hyosung,” He pulled her up and pecked her lips.

Minhwan and Seunghyun arrived minutes later, and their reactions to her appearance made her go beetroot on the spot, with them whistling and constantly praising how gorgeous she looked. Had I been letting go of myself that much lately? She wondered.

“Let’s go before these boys’ eyes fall off,” Kikwang hissed playfully at them.

“Have fun, noona! Don’t worry about this little minx, all right?” Minhwan assured her, ruffling Daehyun’s hair as they stood at the doorway.

“Thank you and I will. Don’t be too naughty, all right baby? And please, Minhwan, no sweets. Goodnight!” She kissed Daehyun’s forehead. Minhwan received quite a blow from Kikwang when he asked her for goodnight kiss too before they left.

Kikwang really surprised her that night. She was expecting a romantic candle light dinner, but it was from that. Somehow he managed to get a hold of ‘Adele Live in Tokyo’ mini private concert and it thrilled her even further when he sneaked her backstage to have a brief meet and greet session with Adele. Being a superstar, he sure had a lot of advantages!

“Oh my god! How did you do that? That was freaking Adele! Pinch me, I still can’t believe I freaking met Adele!” She squealed, jumping giddily with Adele’s signed CD and Polaroid in her hand.

“Oh my god, why are you so adorable?” He tipped her chin up with his finger and kissed her briefly that before pinching her cheeks. “Come on, we still have plenty to do!” He dragged her and they both laughed, clearly already content.

“Uhm, what are we doing here?” She asked curiously when he parked his Audi at the side road of Tokyo Street, colourful neon lights and lanterns lit up all along the road.

“That is a silly question to ask, my other half. To have fun of course!” He said, pretending to stare at her ludicrously, receiving a hard pinch from her for doing so.

“You know what I meant, my other half.” She mocked and punched him playfully.

“I’m kidding. And don’t worry, I got it covered. Check this out.” He told her to close her eyes and she burst out laughing on what she saw next – and blond afro wig was neatly placed on his head and huge dark-rimmed spectacles rested on the bridge of his nose.

“Shall we, my lady?” He offered his hand when he appeared at her side.

“We shall,” She grabbed his hand and let him led the way through the street.

Kikwang adjusted the heavy wig on his head once again and sighed when he finally got to sit down after an hour exploring the street. How could he forget Hyosung always had a thing for this kind of place? She practically dragged him to every ‘fascinating’ stalls and vendors her eyes laid upon! And he couldn’t be thankful enough to the heels she was wearing, because of it, Hyosung went to shop for some flip flops, complaining how the heels were killing her.

He looked at his watch and groaned when the time was closing to midnight; he was not ready for the night to end yet. Despite being wearied earlier from his packed schedules, his energy boost back up when he was with Hyosung; her infectious laughter and the smile that never left her face was the energy supply to keep him going.

It made him wandered, what had gone wrong with him back when they were in Korea? Why would he do such thing to her? He pinched his nose’s bridge and tried to shake the memory off as it slowly invade his thoughts. No, stop it. I don’t want to spoil the night. Lalala. Didn’t she look gorgeous tonight, dude?

Talking mentally to himself, his lips curled up at the thought of how beautiful she looked tonight. His grin grew wider when he thought about the sundress she wore – one of the things he bought for her during his first tour. She had worn it so many times but yet he was still blown away by her beauty. It proved just how much he missed her.

And tonight was the only night he could afford to spend more than just the usual an hour with her before his schedule became packed again. Why did I choose this career again? He groaned. The loud blare from his phone startled him back to his surroundings, an unknown number displayed on the screen.

“Hi sweetheart!”

A familiar female voice boomed cheerfully through the speaker. Too familiar indeed.

“Hello? Hey babe, it’s me!”

“What do you want, Min ...?”

“Woah, that was harsh. Be nice to your girlfriend, honey.”

“Dream on.”

“Hey, that hurts. Am I not?”

“Last time I check, no. And I’m busy right now so if there’s nothing else, I’m going to hang up.”

“No wait! Woah seriously, can’t believe this is the guy who sweet-talked me in bed.”

“ it, stop bringing that up again! I told you, we were both ing drunk!”

“Don’t you ing yell at me for something you did, babe. Just be thankful I didn’t get pregnant, considering we weren’t using any protection at all.”

“I’m hanging up.”

“Fine. I’ll be seeing you around anyway. Bye lover boy!”

The phone was fisted in his hand tightly as the line went dead, and he stood there, still digesting on what just happened. His jaws clenched tightly as he felt himself seethed with anger over the conversation. The next thing he knew, his phone were broken into half as it smashed on the concrete floor.

“Are you okay ...?” Hyosung startled voice came from behind him and he glanced over his shoulder to find her staring at him in concern, her eyes averting from his to the smashed phone. He stood there motionless, taken aback with his own actions but recovered immediately when he saw fear in her eyes.

“Uh, that was an accident ...?” He rubbed his neck and laughed. “There was a bug on that phone! You know how I hate bugs, right? Yeah.” He lied again, stuttering out the last word. He picked up his broken phone and groaned.

“Looks like someone will be needing a new phone now,” Hyosung squatted next to him and picked up the sim-card that laid on the ground, and hand it over to him. He smiled half-heartedly to her. The mood surrounding him was slowly turning awkward, so he quickly changed the topic.

“Those really look cute on you,” He pointed out the new white flip flop she was wearing to distract her.

“Cheapest I could find.” She grinned instantly and giggled when he flashed her a questioning look. “I was running out of money after going through that street.”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve bought one for you,” He replied.

“No, you don’t need to. Besides, this is pretty comfortable for a cheap bargain.” She persuaded him. She paused suddenly and snapped her head around, her eyes wandered around curiously, as if searching for something.

“What is it?” He asked, weird out by her action.

“I don’t know. It just feels like someone ... nevermind, maybe it is just me. Come on, I have this one last place to show you. I bet you’ll love it!” She grabbed his hand and literally dragged him to follow her.

They ended up in a huge game arcade, where they spent almost another hour battling each other out at every possible games their eyes landed on. Both were ers for games, so the battle was pretty intense despite the fun they were having. Seeing her laughing and jumping around heartily at it enlightened him, but he still couldn’t take his mind off that last phone conversation.

And the more he thought about it, the more agitated he got. Knowing Min, it wouldn’t take long before the news spread out and her to come mess into his life once again. No, he won’t give up. He needed to come clean with Hyosung about it, no matter what it takes, he just had to. Whatever the consequences it might be, be it she would ... hate him. But it would still be better that she knew from him first than anyone else.

“Are you sure you’re okay ...?” She cupped his face suddenly and he stared into her concern eyes. He liked staring into her eyes because somehow, it erased whatever troubling thought he had that moment. Smiling down to her, he cupped her hands with his and squeezed them, assuring that he was. She didn’t seem to buy it but knowing Hyosung, she wouldn’t press someone further and let the person confess it themselves to her.

After a series of game battles, countless of cotton candies that can lead to huge cavities and street foods that could dangerously put the pounds on them later, they finally decided to call it a night when the clock midnight. Kikwang suggested one last stop before they head home, and he drove them to a nearby hill (he discovered it when they did photoshoot there) to star gaze – it was one of their favourite things to do together.

They laid on top of the car roof, his fingers intertwined with hers, just enjoying the silence of the night with the wind billowing softly around them. He heard let out a long sigh and he knew something was troubling her.

“Penny for your thoughts?” He asked and faced her. She remained quiet and slowly sat up, her shoulder slumped heavily forward. He too sat up and clung his hand around her waist and pulled her closer just so she could lay her head on his shoulder.

“How about ten dollars? Or fifteen? Okay, ouch. I’m kidding.” She shifted closer and traced the lines on his palm with her thin finger. She sighed again. “Do you remember the story I told you about shupa-man?” He nodded.

“Well ... can you believe it if I say Jonghoon is shupa-man?” He immediately peeked down to look at her with his mouth a perfect ‘O’. She squeezed his palm and nodded again, biting down her lips.

“I’m all ears,” He squeezed her hand back and listened intently to everything she told him. He was surprised to find his jealousy surfaced with every details she spilled; aside from being united from their past, it turned out he was the person she turned to when troubles surrounded her, which equated to them spending a huge chunk of time together.

And now they weren’t on speaking term and it fazed her. But he knew better. And it actually explained a lot on why Jonghoon had been giving him the cold shoulder from their first meet, which was after he got back together with Hyosung. If his suspicion was right, Jonghoon could be in love with her, and he was sure of that. And Hyosung being Hyosung, clearly couldn’t detect it.

It took her forever to understand the love signals he gave her back then.

“And that is just it. I don’t know what I did wrong, I think. And I think he hates me.” She sighed and cupped her face with her palms. Kikwang chuckled. She can be so naive sometimes. He turned her in his embrace and tipped her chin to look at him in the eyes and realized she was almost in tears.

“Don’t cry,” He smoothed her cheek and smiled. “He don’t hate you, trust me. He don’t. He is probably caught up in a lot of things lately. Your final is right in the corner and didn’t you say they are busy preparing for the music fest next week? He’s probably stressed out by that.”

“But how come the rest of the boys didn’t act like that? They still hang out with me, but he didn’t. He just hates me.” She grabbed his shirt and pretended to sob on his chest.

“No, he doesn’t hate you.” He chuckled and ruffled her hair. “Uhm, why does it bother you so much though? Do you like him?”

“What? NO. I mean, yes! Of course I like him but nothing more like a love I have for a brother. Don’t you start getting any ideas,” She sprung up and pinched him hard in the arms, hard.

“Ow, that was painful! I was just kidding, all right? Or ... what I said was true? Okay, okay. I was kidding, really I was. Hyosung, put that down.” He rose his hand to shield his face when she pulled off one of her flip flops to hit him.

“All right, let’s get going then. It’s pretty late. We don’t want Daehyun to be sleeping alone, do we?” He wiggled his eyebrows at her, and she finally did hit him with the slipper.

When they finally reached her door, he took her keys from her hand and unlocked it for her.

“I wish we could spend more times together. I’m sorry ...” He really meant it, and maybe with a little exaggeration at the tone and his pout.

“It’s okay. I had so much fun tonight. Thank you,” She leaned forward and cupped his face and his cheek softly, flashing him a reassuring smile. He stared down into her eyes, his hands reached for her waist and pulled her closer to him. Both of their lips met halfway, kissing softly at first before it deepened. Her kisses were so sweet it drunk him, all the time.

He pulled away reluctantly and leaned his forehead on hers, their breath mingled when both tried to catch up with it. He pulled her into his arms once again, just hugging her close to him as he kissed her hair. He didn’t want the moment to end but he knew it had to, so he pulled away once again and cupped her face.

“I love you.” He whispered, his thumbs caressed her cheeks.

“I love you too,” She whispered back and tiptoed to kiss him one last time before he ushered her in. “Good night.” She blew him a flying kiss and closed the door after he uttered the same word.

He lingered in front of her front door a moment longer before he made his way to the elevator, grinning goofily. When he was about to hop into his car, he couldn’t help but felt like someone was watching him so he turned around. No one.

Was he just being paranoid? He shook his head and started the engine, and his car swerved onto the road.

From a far, a lone figure stood hidden in the dark alley and watched as Kikwang’s car disappeared into the night. A creepy crooked smile slowly etched on Sakura’s face as she stared at the high-rise condominium before her.

“I found you.”

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hi everyone!

As you guys have been noticed, AFF crashed a couple of days ago, resulting to loss of a lot of things, including chapters. And mine wasn't excluded as well, so yeah. This is a re-upload! Thank god I could trace it by searching via caches, or I'll die since I didn't save the updated chapter before. Yeah, I usually delete off the chapter that I've updated because it'll usually take up space and my laptop is just so full with other things such as B.A.P and SECRET's videos, pictures, songs. LOL. Kidding!

But yeah, it takes up space.

Anyway, thanks to all of my new subscribers. You guys are awesome! Not forgetting my existing ones!

*big big big bear hug to all of you.

Bye!