Well maybe it's just me and my blind optimism to blame,

Or maybe it's you and your sick need to give love then take it away,

And you'll add my name to a long list of traitors who don't understand,

And I'll look back and regret how I ignored when they said run as fast as you can.

— Taylor Swift's Dear John.

The smell of burnt food filled her nose and Hyosung woke up practically choking from the smoke, and she saw a frantic-looking Seunghyun throwing away of what seem like a charcoaled meat as her eyes fluttered open. Minhwan, on the other hand, were nagging non-stop at him with a frustrated look on his face. She pushed herself up from the picnic mat to help and nearly tumbled back when Daehyun ran passed her, screaming his lungs out as Hongki and Jaejin chased him. She had no idea where the three girls were though.

“Did you know how long it took me to marinate that meat?!” She heard Minhwan continued with his outrage. Never mess with his food creation, ever. The sun was shining warmly above them, a perfect day for a picnic outside in the summer at Yoyogi Park – just what she needed to unwind herself.

“Hey, quit it.” Yongguk’s deep voice silenced them in an instant as he came up behind them. “I want positive energy today, got me? Now just grill another meat without any henpecking from any of you. Kapish?”

“Yes, hyung!” They both answered immediately and continued on grilling silently, Minhwan grumbling under his breath, probably still cursing Seunghyun. Hyosung couldn’t help but laughed at the sight. Yongguk certainly had an aura of authority around him; he could make the boy fear him but yet respect and treat him like a friend at the same time, which amazed her. She was further impressed how he would turn all soft when it comes to Jieun, which made her jealous on how lucky Jieun was to have such a wonderful boyfriend. She sighed.

Her situation with Kikwang wasn’t getting any better; he refused to answer any of her calls. It was her fault anyway. After that Summer Solstice night, she figured what a fool she was for letting her emotion taking over once again and realized how absurd she was for letting a person like Sakura gain control in her life – it was a mess. She sighed again.

“Should I iron those wrinkles on your forehead?” Yongguk joked as he sat next to her. She rolled her eyes and pretended to be hurt before punching him squarely on his arm. They then sat in silence, both just enjoying the warm heat that ran on their skins. “Hey, why don’t you do us a favour and buy some ice-creams? It’ll help to loosen up those old bones of yours.” He joked again and managed to evade her punch.

“Have I told you how bossy you are?” She glowered at him. “I’m going to report to Jieun on this, you mark my word.” She stuck her tongue out at him.

“Complain all you want because in the end, she will still love me.” He smirked and nudged her playfully. Hyosung rolled her eyes in annoyance. “Let’s go, I’ll accompany you.” He stood up and offered his hand and she took it, but not before she pulled him back down, causing him to tumble upon the picnic matt. Ah, revenge is sweet. She thought as she helped him up, laughing.

“I wonder what the commotion is.” She said as they walked passed a huge crowd that circled in a particular spot. They managed to get four huge tubs of Baskin Robin’s, out of greed actually. It wasn’t like every day they would get a deal like this, so why not? “What’s with all the huge cameras too? Is there a movie shoot or something?”

“Who cares? Come on, grandma. The ice-creams are melting.” Yongguk pulled her away before she could peek more.

“Wait, I want to at least see what it is,” She frowned as he dragged her along, pushing through the people who were slowly clogging out the area.

“Oh my goodness, you are so bossy. Let me go, you grandpa!” She hit on his vice-grip on her hand, probably afraid she would be lost in the midst of the huge crowd. Sure enough, she did just minutes after. The crowd seemed to be so eager to see who it was that they were pushing each other, her and Yongguk included, resulting in them getting separated.

She could feel her panic rising as more people gathered, causing her to be trapped in between – being claustrophobic wasn’t helping much either. Breathe Hyosung, breathe. She thought as she gathered her strength to make way pass the crowd which was near to impossible as they started screaming. She had no idea what was going on nor did she care; she just need to get out as she slowly felt light-headed and her breathing shorten. She tried to push out again but failed as the scream got louder and she covered her ears and squeezed her eyes shut, trying hard to calm herself down when she felt her panic rose to an alarming state. Deep breath, Hyosung. Deep breath!

All of a sudden, someone hugged her close and before she knew it, she was out and was far away from the crowd. She didn’t know who her saviour was but she felt strangely safe in her saviour’s embrace, so she tighten her grip and held on until she could finally breathe normally again. After what seemed like hours, she finally let go slowly of her saviour and her eyes widened. Jonghoon.

“Are you okay?” He cupped her face and searched it, his concern eyes penetrate deep in hers. She only managed to nod.

 “Thanks dude.” Yongguk patted Jonghoon’s shoulder, relief all over his face. “See, that’s the reason why I held on to you grandma. Are you hurt?” She shook her head mutely, still surprised in seeing Jonghoon in front of her after what seemed like months of not seeing him.

“T-thank you.” She stuttered, not sure whether to feel thankful or happy or angry at him. He smiled at her, his genuine crooked smile but it disappeared right instance and he quickly let go of her. Fazed by his action, she followed the direction of his gaze and was even more shocked to see who it was before her. Sakura.

“What are you doing here?” She immediately lashed out, her jaws taut. Yongguk was by her side in an instant. For a small woman like her, she sure was scary.

“Oh, touché. As far as I’m concerned, this is a public park so I’m free to be here just like you are.” Sakura smirked. “Honey, can we go now?” She cooed sweetly at Jonghoon, and Hyosung was taken aback when she saw Jonghoon complied with Sakura’s words. Sakura smirked when she saw her reaction.

“Oh, didn’t you know? We got back together. Look, he even proposed to me!” She giddily pointed out a ring on her finger, and Hyosung glared at Jonghoon in disbelief, who was avoiding her eyes. “So, don’t even think of snatching him away from me you filthy peasant!”

“Sakura!” Jonghoon grabbed Sakura’s shoulder hard but that didn’t make her flinch one bit as she continued on glaring at Hyosung. “Let’s go.” He hissed and tugged Sakura, who smirked even more to her.

“Yeah, just go. Leave. That is what he’s good at anyway. ”She spit out without thinking, letting emotion took over, anger coated her voice as tears stung her eyes. Jonghoon stopped in his track, his back towards her. She bit back the angry tears that were threatening to fall, chest heaving. She spun on her heels and walked away when a hand grabbed hold of her, spinning her back to see Jonghoon staring back at her. He seemed angry. Hurt. Sorry.

“Honey, what are you doing? Let go of her.” Sakura said, her voice seemed strained to control her anger, it seemed. She didn’t care.

“Yeah, let go of me.” Her words came out icy through her gritted teeth as she glared at him, jaws clenched. She pulled her hand all she might but his grip on her didn’t loosen up so she did what she thought was the best – she stepped on his feet, hard. He yelped and immediately she pulled away from him, breathing hard. “I hate you.” She stuttered hard on those three words, her tears finally escaped, and she left.

She felt Sakura’s deathly stare bore through her back but she kept on walking with Yongguk trailing behind, her heart clenching with anger and sadness. Again.

“Why?” Hongki asked again and Jonghoon was getting sick of the question. “I don’t understand you, dude. All this while you’re trying to protect her from that woman, the woman whom you swore to strangle with your own hands, the woman you are dating right now? Engaged to? I’m sorry but I just can’t see the logic in this.”

“How could you, hyung? How could you!” Minhwan yelled across the room, held by Jaejin and Seunghyun to avoid that little body of his from pouncing on him again. Jonghoon bit on his lips, and he could taste copper, right where Minhwan punched him. “We need to take him to see the shaman. I think that evil might have casted a spell on him. She must have!”

“Should I explain myself? I don’t think I need to. What you see is what you get, deal with it.” He finally voiced out, trying hard to make his facial expression unreadable. “Look, I don’t want to deal with this . I’m tired so goodnight.” He scooted off the stool and walked passed them to his bedroom, slammed the door shut and locked, switched off the light and let his body fall onto the bed. He heard things crashing outside his door, but he didn’t care. He tried not to.

He was afraid if he did, his resolve would break.

He couldn’t afford it.

“Noo-na.” Daehyun sighed, dropping on to the bed with an exasperated sigh.

“Dae-hyun.” Hyosung sighed, mimicking his expression. She gazed at the full moon a little longer before turning her attention to him. “What’s wrong sweetheart?”

“Daehyun hungry. Want ddubboki.” He replied, picking up his Optimus Prime on her comforter with a pout on his face. She smiled, leaving the balcony as she joined Daehyun on her bed. She picked him up and snuggled him on her lap, squeezing him tight until he let out a loud squeal that could cause a temporary loss of hearing.

“Ddubboki? Are you sure you don’t want any McDs?” She squeezed him a little more as he squirmed in her arms.

“Noona stop! Can’t breathe!” He exclaimed and turned around to attack her with tickles instead, which lead to a moment of playful wrestling match before her was pricked by Optimus’s sword.

“Ow! No fair. Two against one!” She pouted at her baby brother, smoothing her hand on the throbbing point. For a toy sword, it actually hurt. Whoever approved of that pointy thing should get fired ASAP.

“Daehyun sorry. Bad Opti. No do that to Daehyun’s noona!” Daehyun smack Optimus’s head which caused a smile to break upon her face. He just knew how to cheer her up. She took him in her arms once again, resting her head atop of his and held him close. He was her only pillar of strength and security now. She sighed and pulled him impossibly closer to her, the tears that she had been withhold falling droplet by droplet on his soft thick hair; she was immune to pain but it still wasn’t enough to stop her from crying.

“Noona cry?” Daehyun turned in her embrace and immediately cupped her face, deep concern portrayed across his tiny face. She placed her hands over his and shook her head.

“Daehyun, you’ll never leave noona right?” She looked deeply into his pair of innocent eyes and smiled, her tear-coated voice sounding foreign to her. “I can’t imagine my world without you. You are the only reason for my existence in this world, you know that? Even thinking about that possibility hurts, so don’t ever leave noona all right? Promise me, please?”

She held out her pinky finger and he stared at it, his pair of innocent eyes looked thoroughly confused and worried. He answered with a kiss on her forehead, both of his tiny fingers held onto her cheeks, making it more impossible for the tears to stop as her heart clenched with all the emotion that rushed in. “Daehyun promise. Noona too must promise never leave Daehyun. Okay? Noona is daehyun angel.” He pinched her cheeks and smiled that angelic smile of his, which automatically carved one on hers.

“Noona promise.” She blubbered and covered his hands with hers, squeezing it. “You are my angel too, Daehyun. My guardian angel.” She leaned forward and briefly kissed his tiny lips. “Come on, I’ll make you some ddubboki.” She picked him off the bed and they danced to the kitchen.

Four plates of ddubboki and insulin injection later, Daehyun was safely tucked in her bed. She stared at the insulin syringe in her hand and sighed; they were running low and she needed to get more from the hospital. The problem was, she was running low on cash too for this month. God, you are really testing me aren’t you?

She plopped onto the sofa and switched on the TV, with no intent on watching so she kept on flipping on the channels with empty gaze on the idiot box before a news caught her attention and her eyes went wide.

“It seems like they can’t evade the rumour any longer because our paparazzi caught them in the act! Who am I talking about? It’s no other but Miss A’s Min and BEAST’s Kikwang of course! Don’t believe me? Believe it!”

She froze. Pictures of them holding hands, hugging like lovers flashed about on the screen and her heart skipped a beat as each pictures were zoomed into especially their kissing pictures. She quickly switched off the TV and stayed frozen. Min and Kikwang … dating? She didn’t realize she held her breath until she had to take sharp intake of air, her heart thundered against her chest.

He moved on ...she thought when it finally dawned on her. That would explain all the unanswered calls, and why he had been avoiding her all these while. She clenched the locket that rested just above her beating heart – it hurt; it wrenched so badly, painful will be an understatement to describe how she felt. Hot tears started to roll down her cheeks, paving paths for the others to follow. She bit her hand when the sobs finally kicked in, her body shaking uncontrollably to restrain herself from getting too loud, afraid Daehyun might heard her. She curled up on the floor, crying silently throughout the night.

Letting the darkness embraced her pain, which was all too familiar.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Firstly I want to say, I'M VERY VERY VERY SORRY!

I haven't been updating for almost a month plus! I'm sorry! It's not that I don't want to, I do! I just had a lot going on after my new semester re-opens and I just couldn't find the time to write. I'm so sorry for making you guys wait for an update too. I have no other excuse aside than that. Really ... :(

Please forgive me ...

I'll make up to you by updating another chapter tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow too as a punishment. 

Please please please forgive me!