After Minseok left you in the room you tried to get a grip of the situation, and understand what had happened. When the reality hit to you, he just had asked to break up with you, you felt like you were going to faint at the moment, but you knew that you couldn’t. Not when the girls were waiting for you on the dressing room. You wanted to cry, heck you even felt tears on your eyes but you had to pull yourself together. You could not show your weak side to the girls. You were supposed to be the leader. The one who always knows the answers and can stand in any situation. What would the girls say if you would break completely just because of some boy? At least that’s what you wanted to convince to yourself. You knew, better than anyone else that Minseok was not “just some guy”.

When you entered the dressing room, the girls stood up instantly and the interrogation began. The only words that came out of your mouth were: “He broke up with me,” you said while turning you head to the side so that they would not see the tears that threatened to fall to your cheeks. First you wanted to lie to them, but the words just flowed out of your mouth, like you were still trying to understand what had just happened. When the girl heard the words, they knew better than to try to say anything more. The girls knew you very well and were aware of that right now you just need a time for yourself. Your mind was a still a mess at the moment, and you appreciated the fact that the girls didn’t try to ask any more questions.

When your manager arrived in the room to pick you and Ara, the first thing that he asked was if you and Minseok where alright. Fortunately you didn’t need to answer because from the side of your eyes, you saw the girls making a sign for him to not ask about it. From that, he knew that things hadn’t ended alright.

He then pick you and Ara and brought to the place where you were taking the photos for the Christmas single that you were going to release. You were silent for the whole ride to the destination, and when you arrived you just made a signal of recognition to the others and went to the make-up. From the chair that you were sitting on, you could see Ara explaining to the manager and the girls what you told Fei and her. You knew that you had to talk with the girls at some point, but how could you explain what had happened to them if even you didn’t understand for sure?

After the photoshoot, the manager decided that you could end today early, so he just took you guys to the dorm. You knew that he was making that because of you, since the award shows, and the christmas single were both close, and you should have had practices all the time, but today he left you and the girls free. So you when you arrived at the dorms, you decided to just go take a shower. When you came out of the shower you saw that the girls had bought pizza, so you knew that that was the moment when you had to have a talk with them.

“Unnie” Minah started, they were all sitting in a circle in the living room, waiting for you. “What happened?”

And even that you wanted to keep all this for you, you knew that they were the people who would help you after all, so you decided to explain everything, from your phone being broken, to the news, and Minseok seeing Hanbin kissing you without your consent, and the mean words he said to you after breaking up.

“I can’t believe he did this” Mia asked, she was always a er for you and Minseok relationship.

“What a jerk” and Lizzie, like always, got angry for someone acting like this towards you again.

“Hana, how are you feeling?” Jessie asked when she saw that you weren’t paying any attention to what the girls were saying.

“I don’t know. It hurts, really hurts, but I don’t know what to do, I understand that he got angry, but he should have let me explain, and the way he spoke those words to me, it was like he was stabbing me,” and just then you could feel the tears, that you have been holding since he left you in the room. They fell down to your cheeks, not just for your surprise, but for the girls’ too. Of course that during the years knowing you they already seen you crying, but never because of something like this, even when you and Hanbin broke up, you hadn’t cried in front of them.

The only person that you had cried so easily and openly with for the first time, was Minseok. And now you are here crying because of him. This proved, even more, that you truly liked him and that you were really hurt to the girls . They would try their best to make you feel better, even maybe trying to talk with him, expect not Lizzie, since she was very angry with him. So they decided that for now, they would let you cry and would just hug and comfort you and later on, when you would not be present, they would see what they could do.

When you were feeling a little better, you decided that it was time for you go to the bed since the next day you would be recording and taking the photos for a CF that JYP had arranged for you. However, when you went to the bed you couldn’t sleep. You weren’t crying anymore but you were still hurting, and for irony of destiny, your manager had given your cell phone back since he had got back from the repair. You took your phone to your hands and started to move your fingers against the screen. Should you do it? After a while of pondering, you decided to try to call Minseok, maybe now after some time he would be better and would try to talk to you. But of course he didn’t answered, you sent messages saying sorry, even if you weren’t the most wrong this time, and saying that he misunderstood what had happened.

You finally fall asleep, after a lot of struggle, just to be woken up by your manager the next day after, what felt just horrible 3 hours of sleep, and it wasn’t normal either for your manager to wake you up. Usually you were the first one to be awake and get up by yourself, but today you were the last and you had to be woken up by him.

After taking a shower and trying to eat a little, your manager took you and the girls to the photoshoot. During the time you were getting your makeup and hair done, you tried calling Minseok a few more times, and sent him some messages, but he still ignored you. You did the photoshoot without talking too much, a thing that everyone noticed, since you were one the members that was always talking, and went to JYP building for record the track for the Christmas single, and practice. During the lunch time your members and the managers all tried to make you eat something, but you didn’t want to, and refused to eat saying that you would grab something to eat later. Everyone around you noticed that you weren’t feeling well, since your behavior was so different from the usual, but they decided to pass this, thinking that you just needed some time.

The whole day passed you trying to contact Minseok, but even if you liked him a lot, heck you even maybe loved him, you still had your pride. So after being ignored since the night before and during the whole day, you gave up on trying to contact him. Since you knew that if had your phone with you, you would be checking if he contacted you all the time, so you gave your phone to your manager, and explained to him to pass the phone to if you there was an important call, otherwise no because it would disturb you. You thought that if you were away from your phone, you would not get distracted by your thought of Minseok, but no you could not be more wrong. Everything reminded you of him, and even if you were hurt, you didn’t have the heart to take his present off your wrist.

You knew that by now Mark, and even Taemin, already knew about what had happened between you and Minseok, so during the filming of Music Bank, when they first saw you, they couldn’t help but comment how you were looking like you hadn’t slept in days, and they weren’t wrong. Since they day he asked for a break, you couldn’t have slept well, and if you fell asleep you would just sleep in the earlier hours of the day, getting 2 or a maximum of 3 hours of sleep.

When they tried to talk to you, didn’t say much because you had no energy to talk to them. You just felt like you wanted to be alone. The worst it was that you like this with everyone, talking just what was needed. Even with your members. It wasn’t like you wanted to act like that, but you didn’t have the will to do more than give simples answers.

You knew that you were acting like a broken heart teenager, or like you had been together for a long time, but your relationship meant a lot for you. He was your first real boyfriend, and you guys got along so well that you got attached to him.and the things he had done for you. You would have needed him more than ever, because of the scandal with Hanbin. You were getting hate from his fans, even that JYP and YG had explained that it was just rumors.

Because of this, things were hard for you and you couldn’t let this affect the team, since the girls were anxious with the preparations for your first album, and because of this the album had to get delayed for the fans get over the news.

The staff of JYP advised that you shouldn’t go out to give chances for paparazzis to invent another story, so you just stayed in your dorms, JYP building and went to your schedules. So even if you wanted to go out to think a little bit, you couldn’t. To get your mind off your worries, and the guilt that you were feeling for putting your group to go through this, you were working yourself off. There were days that you would stay the whole day practicing, making choreographies. All this without eating anything for the whole day.

It had been almost three weeks since Minseok broke up with you, and you were still working yourself off and being closed with everyone. You weren’t crying anymore, but you were in a point where you just felt numb, no pain, no happiness. You were starting to lose weight because of not eating and working out a lot, and the eye bags were getting bigger and bigger.

You were anxious because today you were going to fly to Hong Kong, because of MAMA, and you knew that you would see Minseok there.You didn’t know if you were ready for it. When you were getting your bags ready for the trip, your manager entered the room, and you knew he wanted to talk to you. He had been too good for you for the past weeks, he didn’t even fight with you when you didn’t go to the dorms and stayed in the JYP for two days straight, but even he had his limit of being good to you, and it looked this was it.

“I really need to talk with you Hana, and I need you to listen to me first, before talking,” he said and you just nodded letting him say what he wanted. “I won’t fight with you. I know that you truly had feelings for Minseok, more that you had ever had for someone, I know you. But I think it’s time for you to try to get yourself back together. I know that these past weeks haven’t been easy on you, I know that you are feeling guilty because of the delay on the album release,” and when he started to speak, just like a father, you could feel the tears starting to fall on your cheeks. “But it’s not your fault, put this in your mind, because right now they need you and you need them, you think that I haven’t notice that you aren’t eating properly these days? Or that since last week you have being using sleeping pills, but they aren’t working? The girls and I maybe do not show it, but we see, how you are overworking yourself, and it’s not healthy. So I wish that during this trip, you will be strong. I know that you will be seeing him  there, but you need to hold yourself, because there will be a lot of cameras on you and the girls, and the stage needs to be perfect. You need to be good if you win the award of rookie girl group of the year, so you need to do this, for the girls and for you, okay?” he said while patting your hair while you were crying.

“Ne oppa, I will do my best.” You said between sobs.

He then gave you a hug before leaving you to finish organising your bags.

During the flight you and the girls talked, and you said sorry for them for, how you had been acting for the past few weeks, and that you will try to change. They said that they understood, why you were like that, but that you shouldn’t do that again. After the talk you tried to get some sleep, your manager was right the sleeping pills weren’t working, you haven’t had a good night of sleep in weeks, and the fact that you were always on the practice, or doing some kind of activity to let your mind off of Minseok, you felt exhausted. You were feeling the fatigue getting on to you, but you could not let this get to you, in the middle of your performance tomorrow.

Since you guys had some schedules before and couldn’t fly earlier, you had to go straight of the airport to the arena to your rehearsal. You were beyond tired, but you remembered the words of the manager and decided to put this aside for now and practice with the girls. The rehearsal was fine, but when you were leaving the stage you saw that the next group that it was going to use the stage was EXO. You saw Minseok passing you on the other side of the hallway, you decided to test your luck, even if you were hurt that he didn’t even let you explain, what happened, maybe he would talk to you now. But when you were turning your way to his direction, you saw your manager coming to your way with your phone in his hand. Your phone was still with him, and would be until you landed back in Korea, you didn’t want to distract yourself.

“Hana, you need to answer the phone, NOW” he said and because of the urgency on his voice you just gave one more look on Minseok direction, just to see that he was looking at you, but you had to obey your manager, especially after the talk that you had with him. When you picked up the phone you saw that it was your brother on the phone, and you frowned. Your brother rarely called you this time of the day, in especially because of the time zone, so you couldn’t help but get nervous.

“Oppa?” your brother, just like you, was a big fan of Korean culture, so he had learned Korean, because he wanted and to help you, so you two usually spoke in Korean.

“Hana, I need you to be calm and don’t panic for what I am going to tell you right now” and by his voice you knew something was wrong, and you were starting to panic.

“Oppa, just talk, I am getting nervous, what happened?”

“It is dad”

“Dad? What happened to him?” you were nervous, and your legs were starting to get numb. Your manager seemed to notice, what was happening, because of the look of sympathy that he was giving to you.

“He had a heart attack.” Your brother’s voice was shaking and you knew that he was shocked as well. “We took him to the hospital, and he is getting treated now, but the doctors said that maybe he will have to go under a surgery, but they will have to wait for him to wake up and do some more examinations. He will probably have the surgery by tomorrow.”

“And mom?” it was the only words that you could form at the moment.

“She is fine, she is with me in the hospital right now, she just went to grab a coffee. I just called because I think you had the right to know, what happened with dad, but he will be ok, everything it’s going to be alright. Now, don’t panic, because I know you, and get ready for your performance, I will be cheering for you. If I get any news, I will tell your manager. Good luck, and love you baby sis.”

When he hung up the phone, you released the air that you didn’t know you were holding. You were in a state of shock, you didn’t knew what to say or how to react. Your dad, the guy that always treated you like a princess, even when you did a decision that didn’t please him, like going to Korea, he still supported you. All this passed by your mind in a few seconds. You felt horrible that he was in the hospital right now, and you weren’t there by his side. You legs felt weaker and weaker, and if your manager wouldn’t have been there preventing you from falling, you would most certainly be lying on the floor right not.