Hello, dear Players... 
For a start, I missed you, a ton. I didn't do as I joked saying I won't update for two weeks or a month 'cause you guys didn't talk much about the anniversary update. I swear! 
I just lost a very dear person to me, after thirty-two days of my grandfather's loss, I lost my grandmother, his wife. The woman who's closest to my heart. It broke me down, I felt so shattered. It was so damn hard to get myself together and type down some fluff even though I know a lot of you are waiting. 

 It's hard to lose someone, let alone losing two in a very short time. Seeing them die before your eyes. It's heartbreaking. 

I know there must be someone here, who's reading this now and remembered their own loss of a dear grandfather, grandmother, a father, a mother, a sibling or a close friend. 

Loss can be many different ways. There's death, there's breaking up, there's separating, moving on, finding someone else, a lot more that we can imagine and more that we never knew. 

I've always thought that saying goodbye is the hardest thing anyone can ever do in their entire life. Saying goodbye to your best friend as you walk away leaving the country, saying goodbye to someone you used to be... 
Saying goodbye to the one you thought they were actually the one.
Saying goodbye to your father who passed away. 
To a friend who's leaving for good. 
To your sister who's getting married and leaving. 
Or saying goodbye to someone on their death bed. 

I refused to say goodbye. I refused it in all its forms, in all and every way. I just hated putting my heart in the situation where I have to force it to see someone turning their back and leaving. 'cause I, I would never turn my back on someone, would never. Even those who hurt me, who actually put me in so much pain and misery, I didn't walk out on them, I stayed and stayed till they walked out on me. They turned their backs to my face and left. 

I was attached the most to my grandma. She loved me the most amongst her grandchildren. I was just telling my best friend how much I would go insane if my grandma had another cancer and that I can't watch her being bedridden and suffering. 
It was my uncle's birthday and we all met there, laughing and talking and eating. It was all okay, except for one moment, when she was standing by her wardrobe before coming out to us as we were waiting for her to come and have lunch together, it was that moment when I saw her eyes looking different, for one second I even said out loud "Why does she look like a ghost?", her eyes really looked not like themselves and I felt more darkness in them, however, she made it out and we spent the rest of the day talking about me when I was a kid and how she tried many times to make me stand on my feet and start walking. When me and my mom left, everything was just fine. 
Later that night, it was all okay and when she was going to bed, she started feeling like it's hard to breathe. It wasn't until next morning when I woke up to my mom's pale face telling me "Your grandma is in the hospital, she couldn't breathe at dawn and they called your uncle to take her and now she's in the Intensive care." 
I couldn't understand, why, I mean I know she was sick, she was so sick and doctors couldn't find out what was happening inside of her so fragile body. But, I saw her few hours ago, she was okay, laughing and telling stories. What the hell happened?

It didn't take me too long for me and my sisters to go to the hospital in the second-hour visit of the day. I needed to know what happened. But I needed to m ake her feel like it's okay. She gets scared of hospitals, she hates doctors, she just showed me the new medicine she got and she was so desperate as she told me it's a new method to lessen the pain. It was the same hospital my grandma was admitted to. She knew and it scared her the most. He never came out alive. 

It was hard for me to see that woman, the glorious woman, the number one Arabic teacher laying down. She raised generations. She's a woman to respect and to love. She's a neat woman who always wore formal and smelled really clean. Her hair was golden, ever since I opened my eyes for the first time, till she closed hers forever. 
Her smiled wouldn't fade away, always cheerful. 
She taught me how to enjoy life. We make money to do things that would make us happy. We work hard 'cause that's the right thing to do. We give our best and we will get rewarded the best. 
She used to scold us for our bad habits but behind everyone's back, she used to pat my back and give me an extra candy giggling saying that I'm special. And even after she passed away, she sent me something with mom. Mom came back home few days after her death and handed me a jewellery bracelet, mom told me that before grandma passed away with a week, she sat down with her kids and gave each one of them selected stuff of her own jewellery and named me and no one else of her other grandchildren. 

I was her first grandchild. 

It was the first time to see her like that. I've seen grandma sleeping so many times but that time, I had to wait in a line, wear some blue plastic thing on my shoes, hold a card so they would let me in and see her. I had to take a permission to see my grandmother. 
I rushed to her room. I thought I wouldn't be in a rush to see her. I wanted to see her and be with her. I wanted to tell her that everything will be okay. I wanted to hold her and ask her to fight a bit more. 

She was sleeping. With wires and tubes connected to screens and weird sound and weird smell. The room was in a cold temperature and she laid down in white. Wearing white and covered with a very light white cover. She was closing her eyes. I called her but she didn't hear me. I called again and she didn't open here eyes. 
You know... When she used to sleep over at our house or at hers, when I stood by her bed or sat down next to her, somehow she