The movie was still going but neither of us was paying attention to it, the plates were abandoned on the table, my bottle of wine was empty, so our glasses. Her kisses were more aggressive than I remembered, like trying to erase something, and I didn’t like it.

She was on top of me, her lips were on my neck and even though I enjoy the feeling so much I didn’t felt it right.

“Jessie.” She cut me kissing me passionately, her hands were no longer on my cloths. She was touching my skin.

That was very distractive.

“Jessie.”

Her kisses started to slow down for no reason until she wasn’t kissing me anymore, she was just lying on top of me, her face hiding from mine. I heard her sob.

“Jessie what’s wrong?” I tried to pull her, I needed to see her face but she didn’t let me.

“Don’t, please can we just stay like this for a moment?”

Her voice was so weak that I almost broke my heart, I hugged her. She needed it.

The movie was coming to the end when she sat down on my couch, her eyes were all red, she was crying in silent. I saw the time and I knew it was so late.

“Jessie spend the night here.” I said but she didn’t nodded

“I can’t.”

“Jess is late.”

“I know, I need to go now.” She stood up grabbing her purse she was almost at the door when she turn around looking me.

“I know how this look, I will tell you tomorrow ok?” That was what she said, I smiled just to assure her.

“I will see you tomorrow then.”

“Good night Tiff.”

“Good night Jessie.”

The door closed, infomercial were on TV, and I sighed looking the glasses of wine. I sighed.

 “Oh Jessie what is wrong?”  

The night was freezing, I regret the moment I step out of Tiffany’s house but I couldn’t stay there, I have one place to go before the day end. All this was getting out of control and if I don’t act right away my relationship will fall apart and that is something I won’t let happen.

The knock of the door sounds to unfamiliar now, slowly the lights of the big house starting to do their job, an elder person got the door smiling fatherly to me.

“Miss Jung? What are you doing out so late?”  I smiled seeing him all concern for me. I couldn’t resisted to hug him tightly, I heard him laugh.

“Did you miss me that much?”

“I did and still do.” The old butler of the house laughed. “We miss you too Miss Jung but tell me, what are you doing here? I must remain you, well your father make it clear that you and you little sister aren’t welcome anymore, of course that didn’t make me happy.” My smile faded remembering the reason why I was at my old house.

“Well you have to do an exception this time, because I need to talk to him now.” I said sternly. He didn’t think twice. “Your mom is here too, they are in your father’s office.”  I breathed deeply feeling nervous all of sudden. I enter to the old house that once was my home “They aren’t alone by the way Miss Jung.” I looked to see him “Your grandfather is here too” I swallowed but still keep walking to my father office.

The hall that guide me to it was all covered with expensive paint, paint that replaced our family photos.

It was a sad sight.

I stopped in front of the door, at the other side I could hear people talking, I didn’t knock, I just step in and everything went silent, my father looked me like I was a disgrace, my mother, she didn’t bother looking me and my grandfather, he stood up no saying anything.

“I make clear that you aren’t welcome here anymore.” My father’s voice was cold, to cold that it hurt me.

“I know.” I said with I hope was the same coldness he answered.

“Then I guess you are here to apologize then.” He smiled triumphantly, I shook my head, almost smiling for the ridiculous idea.

“No, I would never apologize for being who I am.” His smile faded.

“Then leave.” It was my grandfather who said that.

“I want to make something clear first.” I said looking to who was once my grandfather, I said looking them who once were my family.

“You shout me out of your life, you told me to never be here at least to accepted the life you want to give me and I said no to that but it seems you can’t live without me.”

“You wish, Jessica leave now or.”

“Or what! Tell me dad what are you going to do?! Are you going to call your security guards because you aren’t capable to do something by yourself! All of you ! You are nothing without your name and that is really sad, I’m glad I’m different than you.”

“You never complain about all the facility you had when you were a kid.”

“No, I never complain but did you hear what you said? When I was a kid!” They didn’t say anything, I saw my dad's hand grip, he was furious, so my grandfather.

“And you! You crazy woman!” I said to my mom who until this moment didn’t look me. “Stop with your plan! I’m not interested at all. You and all the woman you could send won’t stop me to love my girl, so it!”

I left the place still with that frenetic heartbeat, I left the place scared but with a new courage to keep doing what I love to do.

Next year it will be different.

Next year is going to be my year.

Next year I will live for the first time. 

Yuri’s Christmas party went on two or three days ago, Krystal was there, she told me Tiffany was there too but I stayed indoors, I wasn’t in a mood to be in a party or even go out. The coffee shop was still open, Taeyeon was in charge this past days.

The only thing I was doing this days was strolling around the streets at night, the silent nights embraced me, keeping me warm for some reason. Tiffany always called but the conversation ended too soon. I ended them too soon. She was worried I knew about that. I just couldn’t stand in front of her, looked in her eyes and pretend everything was ok. No when it wasn’t. Gyuri was still out there, her calls, her messages.

I sat down one of the bench of the park looking straight to the moon, the stars were shining brightly this night. The cold winter was doing her job as a felt the shiver under my spine, the white moist getting out of my breath every time I sighed. Rubbing my hands to make them warms but still in vain. I wish I could had bring some mitts with me.

Another call enter in my phone, expecting to be Tiffany I saw the screen only to be disappointed when Gyuri’s name show up. “Maybe I should change my number.” But even though she will find the way to bothered me. She and my mother.

My hands were cold and my neck was suffering the fact that was exposed at this icy weather.

Closing my eyes, Tiffany’s face show up in my mind, she was, “She is” a beautiful girl. I was so lucky to have her. Thinking about her warming me. I remember the times when we were hugging or the moments when we kiss, those tasting lips. Every time she was on top of me, all the times when her hair fall on me and the scent of her perfume mixed with her shampoo was the best.

I opened my eyes. The moon was beautiful but no that much, not like her.

I smiled.

So you have been ignoring me all this days just to be here?- Her voice startle me thinking that maybe I was going mad with how much I missed her but after I felt her lips touching my cheek I knew she was real.

I wasn’t ignoring you. - I replied, she chuckled.

Uh-hu, if you say so. - She looked at the moon. I took the moment to see her.

You are beautiful. - I said. She smiled still looking at the moon.

I told you once, if would be tragically if you didn’t think that way. - She said. I lean on her, my cheek against her shoulder. She held my hand, “You are cold?” I nodded.

Idiot, why you didn’t bring with you your gloves? - I didn’t answer, instead I hugged by her side feeling the warm in her embrace.

What happened to you this days Jessie? We miss our first Christmas together.- She was holding me tightly.

I’m sorry.-

Tell me what was wrong?-

My family. - I said “My mother set me up with this woman and I tried to handle all by myself but she is so crazy and” I stopped unsure if was ok to tell her about the kiss.

And what Jessie? - I sighed. No more secrets Jessica

She kissed me. - Tiffany nodded without saying anything.

I was invited to a party dinner which I don’t remember what was the occasion but I went to talk with this woman, you know making clear I was not into her and to leave alone but she couldn’t understand.-

After she kissed me I went to your apartment because I needed to see you, I wanted to tell you what happened but I was afraid you would be mad so I didn’t say anything and you were so kind to no asking, but I was feeling terrible as the time passed that night so I left.-

My tears were rolling down my cheeks, it was useless trying to be strong in front of her.

I couldn’t go back to my house, no yet, I was furious how my own family was turning my life a hell. So I went to my father’s house and spoke to them, I let them know what was position here and what was going to happen for now on, but honestly I don’t think they would just accept, it would be so easy.-

I cleaned my tears with my sleeves, Tiffany stopped me. She did it with her fingers.

I just wanted to clear my mind and unconsciously I shout everyone out, especially you and I’m so sorry. - I hugged her.

Oh Jessie, how much pain are you carry? - She said as she was my back.

I’m sorry Tiffany.-

Its ok babe, I understand. -  She part away looking for my eyes. “I love you babe, I love you even more and I understand why you did what you did but now you have me, you don’t have to handle things y your own, we are a team.”

I nodded like a kid, she kissed me slowly, I kissed her back trying to let her know how much she mean to me.

Love you too. - I said between the kiss, I felt her grin.

You own me a Christmas present though. - She said at the end which I nodded.

Of course but still let’s go home. - I said before kissing her again.