mistakes

This is not my happy ending, I know.

“Stop looking at me like that!” she said, pushing my shoulder, and like usual along with a giggle.

That’s what she always says every time I try to spill out my feeling. And just like that she easily stops me.

I always wonder, does perhaps she know already that I like her? That I always long for her? That I wish she can just stay still and listen to my words? Is it that hard giving me three mere seconds to tell her how I love her?

I don’t know. I never know the answer.

It’s not easy to see her, she should know. And every time I run to her place which takes so many hours from where I work, she will always greet me with that same smile, same hug, same words. “Yah! It’s been long time! I really miss you!”

No. She’s not.

She misses me but it’s not the same feeling like what I have for her. I know just by hearing the way she says it.

Even when she’s hugging me, I know she doesn’t feel anything. I will always be her best friend even when I try to be more. And she will always see me that way.

At first, I thought she perhaps felt uneasy with the new label I had. I was and still am an idol. Working and being part of Korean music industry. A celebrity, a star under one of the biggest Korean music managements. If she said so, I would try to find the best solution to solve it. I’m fine with working extra hard back and forth Korea-State just to take care of both sides. But no, it didn’t happen. Even when I’ve been prepared, she never said anything.

Do you know what’s worse?

She remains smiling whenever I visit her. She remains same when I’ve changed so much. To be honest it’s bit unfair. We’ve been friend since ages, and I’m the only who change, who see her differently.

I don’t know whether she’s so oblivious or she truly feels nothing.

Pathetic. Me.

“You’ve done?”

Mark looks up. A voice breaks the long silence. And he doesn’t fully recognize the voice.

There, sitting next to him is a lady who looks somehow familiar. Her gaze is rather cold, as if annoyed of him. Or maybe, he has indeed annoyed her.

“No, I have not,” and he just speaks again. “Have I said her name?”

He sees her taking a deep breath. She doesn’t like it, he notes.

“Jessica. Koh.”

“Great,” she replies.

And he sees her sighing. Oh, she really doesn’t like this entire story. When she looks away, there is an urge to form a small smirk upon his lips. No reason, he simply likes this sight.

“I don’t know since when, she just suddenly looked so beautiful to me.” And he continues. “Or maybe, because she doesn’t even try to be one.”

After I signed the contract as an idol, everyone around me changed. They suddenly turned so nice. Like they’d been my best friend for years. I didn’t care much though. I found myself fine with it. Only one took my attention.

In which people tried to be acknowledged by me, she remained same. Standing just where she’s always be. Smiling, giggling, talking to me like how she used to be. I might have expected this though.

I guess, it was the first time I saw her differently.

“Why you’re here then?” she asks, now turning to him. “Go tell her!”

There is a sincere sadness upon her gaze which the dim light fails to cover.

His smile stays, even thinner, yet lighter.

“Why I am here?” he repeats, leaning his chin lazily to his palm. “I don’t know.” he stares at her, “Can you tell me instead, why I am here?”

And she scoffs lightly, “I don’t know.” oh she seems know, Mark knows.

He’s scared, a pathetic loser who cannot speak up his feeling. He truly knows. And he believes she knows too. This girl seems too kind to spill those mean words, and he just finds this new part of her. Not only that actually. He doesn’t rea