pride, pride, pride mr. yong! 

~~~~

“You sing, sunbae?”

An un-invited voice greeted me, I looked around and immediately found someone standing between the half-opened door. There was a familiar girl wearing only a t-shirt and tracksuit pants. That petite girl dared to step inside my studio.

“Hi!” I tried to act normal even though this situation didn’t seem it at all.

I turned around my chair to face her,  “No, I don’t sing. This just the guide, for the kids.” I was referring to the new song for the member and she nodded lightly.

It was always something strange for me to be close to those girls, the Apink members, I never knew how to socialize with them. I always ended up being all awkward and tongue-tied. And then I had been naturally avoiding them.

Yes, that girl was one of Apink members. The famous girl with the famous wide smile which always took her eyes into a crescent line. The main vocal of the group. The rising star of Acube. The hyper Jung Eunji.

It had been 2 years? 3? I didn’t quite remember. But it was true that I wasn’t close to those dongsaengs, and especially that famous girl. I actually didn’t have any particular reason, I just thought I couldn’t get along with her.

The only member that I had talked before was their leader, and it was of course related to the management. I remembered that Jung Eunji was Yoseob and maknae’s friend, but I hadn’t talked to her before. And I didn’t seek for the chance either.

“I thought you only do rap,” said her before sitting on the couch, obviously didn’t understand my statement. She ignored my frown and instead, she leaned her head onto the couch, looking somehow relieved. And this, I was wondering what she was doing here with those sweat running on her temples. It was not even a proper time to play around. I remembered the last time I checked the clock it was almost midnight.

“Looking for Yoseob?”

She closed her eyes and shook her head. “No.”

“Dongwoon?”

And she shook her head again. Then why you were here? I didn’t understand this. I didn’t know whether she was rude or extremely too brave to being here, at my couch, closing her eyes, or probably almost fallen asleep. What with this girl, really?!

“Junhyung sunbae ..” oh, she wasn’t sleeping. I muttered a low um, still couldn’t understand this girl true intention of being here. I waited, and she still didn’t move, not even opening her eyes. Was she sick? I was not supposed to be worried right now, her visit was still odd for me.

“I don’t intend to be rude, but can you sing that song again?”

“What?”

“The song you just sang, it sounds beautiful, can you sing it again?”

Did she just tell me to …  sing? It didn’t make sense. I studied her facial expression which didn’t seem normal. Was she drunk?

She peeked from the tip of her eye, which I looked back right away. I didn’t understand what you are telling me to, was what my eyes tried to tell her. And strangely, instead of waking up, she turned right so her body was straightly into my direction, and she smiled at me.

How to love, urin eolmana teugbyeor halkka

How to love, nan ajidgo .. huh u hum huh u um huum ~

“I only hear this part,” said her still in that smile, still facing me, still – what? Expecting me to continue that?

So she had been listening to me, and she could copy the melody that fast? Maybe it was the reason she was the main vocal of her group. She seemed understand music well. Of course I wasn’t sure, but she gave me that vibe. And it amazed me, a little bit.

“This hasn’t finished yet,”

“… it will go well.”

“What?”

“The song, it’s beautiful!”

I didn’t think I needed this compliment from her, but I admitted her genuine smile somehow, just somehow encouraged me. We still exchanged gaze which lingered a little bit longer. She didn’t say more and I too didn’t know what I should say. And it only felt awkward for me. Her eyes didn’t leave mine as if waiting for something, which then I reciprocated with …

“Thanks,” I was sincere. I moved my gaze back into my computer. It really didn’t make sense. My heartbeat fastened just from looking at her brave eyes. And I could feel my cheeks getting warmer. She might have seen that. Urgh!

“You really want to hear it?”

“Yes”

I turned around, back to my computer. My hand reached the mouse, and the melody played. Again I turned around, with the lyrics on my hand. And I eventually sang this very new song to someone who personally seemed like a stranger for me.

I wasn’t good at singing, I knew this. But with her anticipating my song, it somehow lessened my burden. This song was a present for uri fans, uri B2yuties, I wanted to transfer my gratitude for their support through this melody.

The song, it’s beautiful.

Her voice lingered in my head. I sense the tip of my lips rose higher. And naturally, I closed my eyes, singing the song, following the melody, feeling the meaning.

I opened my eyes as the melody came to an end. And I found that girl still in her position, smiling thinly with the closed eyes, and the running sweat. It was getting stranger actually. Was she sleeping already?

“Jung Eunji?”

No response. I got up and walked closer. “Hey, shouldn’t you come back? You shouldn’t sleep here, Eunji – ya!” my words didn’t affect her. And it became my concern.

Now, as I was so close to her I could see her face was so pale. Without hesitant, I placed my palm on her forehead. And it was burning.

“Eunji-ya? Are you sick? Hey?”

Weakly, she moved her head onto my direction. Eyes slowly opened up, and damn she still had that smile, “sunbae ..”

“Are you sick?”

“Do .. you have something to eat?” weakly she said. And I was perturbed. What? “I forget .. to eat.”

This girl! I stood up, leaving her for my working desk. I took my phone and my wallet. I went back to her.

“I’ll get you something, can you wait for me? I’ll call your manager. Is there any of your members here?”

She shook her head, I wasn’t sure which answer she gave me. Damn! She looked so pale.

“No, it won’t work. Let’s go, I’ll send you to hospital.” I took her arm, willing to pull her up. But again she shook her head.

“I’m fine sunbae .. I just need .. something to eat ..” and she ended her weak talk with that thin smile, which now drove me crazy. I was nearly angry at this girl. I loosened my grip on her and joined her on the couch. Her eyes lingered into mine.

“Ok, I’ll go out for awhile .. wait, damn! I shouldn’t leave you alone.” I groaned, felt desperate, “I’ll just call delivery food.”

I called a random restaurant which I remembered, thankfully they had 24 hours service. And maybe it was her luck, they said they’ll reach here in 15 minutes.

I was back to her with a glass of water.

“Do you feel any pain? Feel dizzy? How’s your stomach? Do you need a medication?”

She shook her head after sipping her water. I walked to my working desk again, I took my jacket for her. She still seemed weak, but she managed to wear my jacket.

“Are you sure?”

She nodded, “I’m sorry, sunbae . .” and of course, she put that smile again.

“It’s fine,” I said, now realizing she had been shivering. I decided to sit next to her, close enough to her, so she could lean into my arm, into my shoulder. I wished my warmth had an effect to her body.

There was something wrong with this girl’s brain, I believed. I really needed to hear her explanation, but hell, I was afraid if talking would only worsen her.

“Sunbae ..”

And she was the one who started it.

“Um?”

“You’re .. warm ..” what?! “thank you, Junhyung sunbae ..”

I tilted my head, I was curious. What was her real intention by saying that? But I failed to meet her eyes. She closed it, and yes, her thin smile remained. It was enough to freeze me. And I didn’t plan to back to my position right away. I studied her face, her smile, the way she breathed. She did look weak, but it didn’t affect her look. She was beu.. I shouldn’t say this. I knew.

I leaned back into the couch, that was when I sensed her arm slid into mine. I didn’t refuse though. And instead, I folded her fist into my grip. I didn’t have any explanation for this, and I didn’t need it either. She was cold, her skin was.

I just wished the food would come fast and