knock, knock!

The oddness he felt in SBS building days ago remained long without him knowing why. Everything or anything he did would remind him of her thin smile, and her laugh, and her gaze. She seemed completely fine, which made him relieved, yet it didn’t seem quite right. He should have been happy with that, he was—no, he wasn’t and it confused him.

Walking heading to his apartment in a warm evening, Woohyun was in thought about his oddness when he saw some familiar figures walking ten steps in front of him, chatting while laughing, and it affected his lips to form that relieved smile. They seemed happy, she seemed happy, that Jung Eunji, like nothing happened to her, like she wasn’t just rejected weeks ago, like she had gotten rid of that feeling, like …, that oddness came again as his smile vanished.

It strangely hurt, and odd, and confusing.

He followed their steps, and with ‘I just want to make sure she’s fine’ excuse his gaze remained on studying her, trying to watch every single move, expression, act that could prove him how fine she was now. And she truly seemed fine, which strangely affected him to look more closely, to wish for a slight denial.

It was when they reached the elevator one of the girls realized his presence.

“Woohyun sunbae!” called the taller.

He was about to beam a smile, yet a startled look on Eunji’s face stopped him for doing so. For a glimpse moment she was stunned, and he saw it. Woohyun managed to bring a frown to his forehead as they looked at each other. He was about to say ‘is there something wrong?’ yet she managed to form a thin smile, the same smile he saw days ago.

Knock! Knock!

The oddness greeted him again, it was getting painful, and he still couldn’t manage any theory why he felt so.

“Hi!” he said smilingly before joining them inside the elevator. His eyes bravely went to Eunji, trying to study her closely, his mouth was about to open when the girl suddenly ah-ing.

“Guys, I think I forget something,” she said, hand followed by pressing the open sign on the wall. She was fast, “I’m gonna get my stuff, you go first.”

She was really fast.

One of them whined, “but eonni!”

And Woohyun was about to whine too.

She turned around one more time, waving to her members, saying ‘don’t worry,’ and there her eyes met his gaze again. He didn’t know what was that, but time seemed to stop and trap him in a confuse thought, she bowed lightly to him, to startle him even more, and he couldn’t understand why everything seemed wrong.

There was something missing inside the elevator, he should have been easily chat to the two girls like, yet just to prove how odd he was today, Woohyun couldn’t manage a single topic and let the APink members ignore his presence. His mind couldn’t grasp this, being silence was definitely not how he used to be. Memory told multiple times he being trapped together with the leaving girl inside of this, and how talk was something he didn’t need to work hard to. And Eunji did too. She seemed easy to reciprocate any topic he spilled, and she laughed, it was nice—it used to be nice.

For several days those light memories kept visiting him, warming his days when he remembered a certain laugh, or a beaming grin, or a surprised frown, to think about it she was always cute actually. Though sometimes memory also pushed him to remember how sad her smile that day, that certain day when she tried to overcome her courage and bear his rejection. It saddened him.

“I didn’t reject her,” he mumbled.

“You did.”

Gaze lifted, meeting her best friend.

And being defeated already, he let his gaze fell down.

“Do you know Sandeul? He said only idiot can reject Eunji. Nearly all Busan idols had a crush on her, instead of breaking our heart she keeps us close as friends, yet here you acting like a true idiot.”

A thin and weak line formed on Woohyun’s lips.

“You like her?”

“I said nearly all.”

“Right.” He heaved deep, “how’d you know this?”

“Just trying to read you, and her.”

“What does that mean?”

“There must be something between you and her, I feel it’s strange that she keeps avoiding you. So, did she confess already?”

Woohyun hummed quietly while nodded, then his gaze was lifted again, “she what?”

“What?”

“What did you say?”

Howon frowned, “did she confess to you?”

“No, before that.”

“There must be something between you guys?”

“No, after!”

“What? She keeps … avoiding you?”

This time Woohyun frowned, “why she has to do that?” clueless, he asked.

Howon scoffed visibly, as if telling his friend how stupid he was sometimes. “Why wouldn’t she? It must be hard for her to meet you. You rejected her anyway.”

“But, but … I thought she’s fine. She smiled at me, and bowed at me too, she seemed fine …” for each word he said his energy seemed to decrease.

The younger rolled his eyes. “It though wasn’t the same smile, was it?”

“How did you know?”

“How did you not know?”

Woohyun ish-ed.

“Don’t worry,” understanding him, Howon heaved deep after, leaning his body back to the couch, “she’s a strong girl. She will overcome it soon.”

And it stabbed the older right after. “What if, what will happen when she has overcome it?”

Howon was about to open his mouth yet Woohyun had stood up already, he could see a determination upon his friend’s gaze. It then affected the younger forming a sincere smile, he patted Woohyun’s arm lightly.

“Good luck!”

Knock! Knock!

His heart raced.

Knock! Knock!

His palm sweated.

Knock! Knock!

His blood heated.

Knocking would not be useful, actually. The door seemed thick and strong, couples of knocks won’t help anything. It was though what his mind could come up with. His eyes seemed oblivious of the existence of the bell, and to think about it he just knocked again.

To count it, it was maybe almost a month since their latest confrontation. This time he was the one who knocked, and he wished he was as lucky as her before, he wished Eunji was the one who opened the door, so he could confront her right away, and clear everything.

And, to his loss, it wasn’t her. Naeun confusedly greeted him, there was an obvious disappointment on his face, and the girl noticed it.

“She’s not home yet, Sunbaenim,” she said understandingly.

No need to question her back who’s ‘she’ she just mentioned. His voice weakened. “Oh really?”

The younger nodded. “And even if she were here, I don’t think she’s ready to meet you.”

He frowned, “… why?”

She sighed lightly before forming a weak smile, “she keeps saying stuff like she doesn’t want to burden you.”

“What does that even mean?”

Naeun shrugged, “I don’t understand either, actually.”

It seemed that Naeun wouldn’t be able to satisfy his confusion either, so he excused himself after telling her to tell Eunji that he came for her. The girl kindly agreed. And it wasn’t just one time he went to her apartment which always ended up with a loss, either she had a schedule, or hanging out, or simply wasn’t home yet. He surely thought it was strange, he really wanted to just come inside that apartment and look for her by himself, but being a rude guy wasn’t in his dictionary.

With the memory comes and goes, pushing him to miss the old her, and all the possibility that she was having h