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“But… No one hugs me! You hugged everyone but me! DongHyuk hugs you everytime, Bobby-hyung too. JinHwan-hyung pats your head and YunHyeong-hyung sometimes ruffles your hair. Heck, even JunHoe likes to back hug you. You share skinship with everyone but me.” He pouts.

Because I am afraid, B.I

I know when we get closer and more comfortable around each other, the harder it is for me to let you go. Because… I need to let you go. I know it sounds impossible; even for me. But I really need to let you go.

Our ending is already clear from the start doesn't it?

You were never mine from the start.

CHAPTER 25 -- EMOTIONAL WRECK

EunAe’s POV

“Your body is always warm.” He trails, snuggling closer to me.

I sigh.

Alright. Just this once. I’ll be your pillow just this once, B.I. Let us be like this just this once. I’ll forget about our status, I’ll forget that we come from two different worlds. Like we don’t have any problems on our shoulders, like all the time in the world is ours.

I encircled my arm around his body, the other one patting his head softly. He snuggled up to my neck, inhaling all the warmth radiating from my body.

“You know, it is autumn and the air is supposed to be chilly, but I feel warm.” He mumbles.

We stayed in that position for quiet a while, but then he sighs.

“I am tired, Ae.”

I know, B.I. You didn’t say it but I can see. Those eyebags under your eyes, your skin complexion is bad, you even grow pimples.

“I know I can’t tell this to the others because they will be worried.” He sighs again. I remain silence. When he wanted to talk, B.I will talk, and my job is to be his listener. Like always.

“I wanted to escape this life sometimes. Not caring about the rest and just think for myself. But I can’t do that.”

“…I sometimes ask myself; how would it be like if I were just a normal guy? Maybe now I will be worrying about studying.” He chuckles bitterly. “But at the same time, I don’t regret it.”

“Because this is where you are supposed to be.” I answered, smiling. “This is your passion, B.I.”

That is exactly why I would not ruin it for you. Ignoring my feelings would be the best option to do.

“You know we should start with the lyrics, right?” I changed the topic, not wanting him to feel more blue. “Right! So what do you have in mind?”

The next day, I feel like .

I seriously do. My lower region feels weird, and I am being nothing but emotional since I wake up. I got irritated when I bumped into someone earlier on my way to the YG Building, I got irritated when I heard a little boy crying inside the bus, and I even got irritated when Bobby calls my name like usual.

The boys have practice, Bobby is recording for some collaboration with Dok2 and Masta Wu, and I am sitting quietly in YG’s Cafeteria, trying to distract my thoughts with a chocolate milkshake I brought earlier.

“EunAe-ya, are you okay? You seemed so quiet today.” DongHyuk asked, his face looking concern.

Do I look that bad?

“Nothing… It’s just… Can you do me a favor?” I asked back, sipping my chocolate milkshake. “Anything.” “Can you please… Keep Bobby away from me this whole day, please? I mean… Keep all of them away from me as much as you can. But especially Bobby. He annoys me too much.” I answered back, sighing. I hate this.

“W—Why?” DongHyuk asked back, taking a seat next to me. I lean on his shoulder while he pats my head. “I don’t know. Since this morning, I have been pissed up over small things. I think it’s the hormone.”

“Hormone? Oh! I get it. Your cycle supposed to start in… two days.” He giggles.

“I know right… And now I am craving for cold things all of the sudden. And I don’t know why but my lower abdomen feels weird. Must be lack of stretching.” I sighed for the umpteenth time today.

“BABY!”

Bobby’s voice echoed through the hall. I could only groan. “Dong-ah, please.” “I got it. You just rest, okay? I’ll buy you pepero so you could chew on something and distract your attention.” My eyes sparkle at the mention of my favorite chocolate wafer stick. DongHyuk is indeed my best friend. “Buy a lot, please?” “I’ll buy all the supplies if I have too. I’ll get going, okay? Just stay here.”

“Baby~” Bobby cooed once he got near our table. I groan mentally. Ugh. Why do I have to feel this irritated?

Sorry, Bobby. I don’t hate you. I’m trying hard to fight these hormones right now. “Hyung, accompany me to the convenience store!” DongHyuk drags Bobby away when he was just about to sit. “But.. I just got here from recording. I want to hang around with EunAe!” He began whining. Ugh. Soo annoying. It feels like I wanted to chop his head of right now. “Just go with me!” DongHyuk dragged him away, flashing me one last smile.

HanBin’s POV

I don’t know why. Is it just me or EunAe is avoiding me? Did I do something wrong? I mean… I know she is going to leave again in a few months… It’s just… At least we should make good memories as much as we can, right? But why is she acting this way?

My mind tells me to just ask, but another part of it also tells me not to. What if I really did something wrong? I think I will never able to figure it out by myself. Should I ask JinHwan-hyung?

“Yah! HanBin-ie! What are you thinking about?” Speaking of the devil, hyung just came and sit next to me. “Hyung, did I do something wrong?” I asked. He only replied with looking at me weirdly.

“What do you mean?”

“EunAe is avoiding me. I must have done something.”

“Well, why don’t you ask?”

“I don’t know… Girls are complicated. What if she got more mad at me for not realizing my own fault?” I sighed, plopping my shoulders down.

“Girls sure are complicated. My Noona often does that.” He chuckles. “But you should see who you are facing, HanBin-ah. It’s EunAe.” Hyung’s sentences sink into my brain.

Right. How silly can I be? It’s EunAe! She is complicated, but not that complicated. I’ve known her better than myself. I’ll just ask her nicely and hope that she will give me the answer.

“Thanks, hyung.” I flashed him a smile, and decided to approach EunAe. She has been eating those pepero since afternoon. I think it’s her 4^th box already. Geez.

“Ae?” I voiced out. She didn’t answer, only looking to the ground. “May I sit?” I pointed to the empty spot next to her.

She remains quiet. I sigh.

“Look, Ae. I am sorry if I did something wrong, okay? But please don’t ignore me like this.  I hate it.” I finally said. EunAe is still quiet, munching on her pepero stick. “You know what? Just… Nevermind.” I turn my heels around. I am just going to continue my work then, I thought. But then I feel her warm hand grab my arm. She doesn’t say anything, just pulling me to the sit next to her.

“Sorry.”

I turn my head to her. What did she just say?

“I am sorry B.I. Sorry if you are feeling ignored. I am not mad at you, okay? It’s just that…”

“It’s okay. Just tell me slowly. I’m all ears.”

“Blame the hormones.”

“Huh?”

“My period is going to start soon and I feel really weird today. I feel irritated at the smallest things so I avoided everyone in order not to snap at them for no reason.” She said in one breath but then sighs. So that’s why she is not talking to me? “You know when I got mad, I am worse than you.” She chuckles. I miss that smile. She hasn’t been smiling the whole day and I already miss her smile. “Bobby irritates me the most, so please drag him away every time he got near me, okay? I’ve been telling DongHyuk the same too. He got me these pepero so I can distract myself.”

Actually I wanted to annoy her and call her an omnivore again, but I know I can get killed if I do that. “And I think I need to get back practicing because my lower abdomen felt weird. Uuuughh~” I know I am not supposed to enjoy it, but she looks cute when she is frustrated. The way she furrowed her brows to the way she will pout slightly without herself noticing. I just love too many sides of this girl.

“You can rant at me all you want. Just don’t ignore me, okay?”

“Eo.”

“I’ll treat you meat if you behave well today. I mean, I know you are the happiest when you eat.” Then her eyes suddenly sparkle, looking at me with anticipation.

“Jeongmal?” I nod.

“Oh my God! B.I Jjang! You are my favorite!” I chuckle. EunAe really does get giddy around food.

“What? How can B.I be your favorite? It’s supposed to be Bobby-Oppa!” Bobby-hyung suddenly burst through the practice room door, with DongHyuk trailing behind him. “Hyung! I told you not to—”

“Why can’t I go here?”

“Because—”

“Because I forbid you from entering the practice room, hyung!” I answered instead of DongHyuk, standing up and pushing Bobby-hyung slightly out of the room. EunAe got back to her stoic expression, munching on the pepero stick again.

“DongDong-ah~”

“Yes?”

“Sit here.” EunAe pats the place where I used to seat on. “Don’t think of me weirdly after this, okay? I just need someone to hug right now.” She said before hugging DongHyuk by his side, burying her face on his arms. The maknae soon encircled his arm over EunAe so she can lie on his chest instead. “WHAT? How could you let DongHyuk do that?” Bobby-hyung snaps loudly. The two look quite much like a couple, but I can never get jealous over DongHyuk. But if it’s JunHoe… Then it’s another story.

“KIMBAB BE QUIET.” EunAe snaps.

“Ae~” Bobby-hyung answered, showing her his disguisting aegyo.

“SHUT UP BEFORE I SHUT YOU UP.”

“But~”

“Hyung, just be quiet before she told you to do another push up.” I mutter under my breath, patting hyung’s shoulder. But EunAe still hears it.

“Good idea, B.I. Maybe I should make you run around YG Building? Ooh! I know! You do a vertical run. From the basement to the top floor back to the basement and so on and so on with stairs.” She smirked. She can be more sassy than JunHoe if she want to.

“But babyyy~”

“I AM MINE.”

“Jagiya~”

“Hyuuung~”

“YA KIMBAB! DROP DOWN AND GIVE ME FIFTY.”

 Bobby-hyung just chooses a wrong day to mess with a girl. Especially EunAe with her explosive hormones. Girls on their period, typical.

“You know, HanBin. If EunAe got mad, it reminds me of you. You two get mad in a similar way. Like a girl on her period.”

What the…

“HYUNG!”

“KIMBAB, YOU WANNA DIE?"

Author's Note:

Hey Guys~

Ummm....

I am not going to give any more excuses. Really.

The reason I literally took a year to update is... Well, I don't really know myself.

High school has been hectic, yes. Then I need to apply to universities. i got caught up with that because honestly, I don't study "that hard". Like my friends already studied waaaaayyyyy long long loooong ahead, while I am like... laid back and write fanfictions.

So then when they already got accepted to this and that university, I am still stuck on finding one. But, I got accepted into a nice university, so... well... first problem solved.

Then I need to move out and deal with orientation stuffs, things happen; regarding my brother and my grandma. If you guys wanted to know then you can check a oneshot I wrote called "Fragments of You".

...then my grandma passed away.

It is still hard for me to believe, even up until now. Because well... She's always been healthy and strong.

I haven't even introduced iKON to her yet. I wanted to watch their stage through TV with grandma like how I used to do with other groups. I really wanted to be able to do that.

So guys, like what I've said before, cherish people around you, seriously. Because you never know when they're going to go, and suddenly they're not by your side anymore. That is the worst feeling ever.

I am also active in TaeKwonDo at campus, so I got late night practices, so it's usually already late when I got back, and I'll just go straight to sleep. Luckily, I got no schedule on Saturday this semester, so hopefully I can write a few stuffs on that day and update it to you guys.

By the way, I am using university's computer AND internet. Kkk. I really have no wi-fi on where I am currently staying at right now.

Have I ever told you guys what am I majoring at?

It's mathematics. Kkk.

Untill I update again~