Title 4/5

I like the title. It’s short and leaves an impact on the readers. It pops out to those just scrolling down the page for a random fic. However, I don’t find it original because there is a movie called “Romeo Must Die.” So based off of that, I plunged into the fic with an image of Jet Li dressed in black with a red background. I’m pretty sure that you weren’t aiming for that kind of concept.

Poster/Trailer/Background (9/10)

Description/Foreword (10/10) 

I think that your description was very dramatic; and I liked it! Short and simple, it was, but also very impactful. Simple words were used and with the italics and it really emphasized your point. As for the short prologue, it seems like a flash of different events conveniently fitting together to form a paragraph, because I know that these lines are scattered throughout the fic. It’s really cool that you managed to pull apart sentences from your story and make them into a short prologue. It’s creative.

Plot (9/10) 

I have to say, this story really impressed me! When I saw the title, I was sitting there thinking, “Oh~ This is probably just some fic about how the girl hates him and wants him to die but ends up falling in love and BLAH!” But then I began reading the story and was changing views on the plot. I thought, “Wow~ This is a really cool story! This isn’t what I expected.” Truthfully, I really did think that Myungsoo was cheating on Jiyeon and no longer loved her; it shocked me when Jiyeon actually did kill Myungsoo. Because of my previous thoughts, I thought Myungsoo would’ve killed her, but he actually still loved her and protected her. I think the only reason why I took a point off for this section is because I find it extremely cliché when someone is being controlled by another person because of blackmail and threats. As heartbreaking and shocking as it was in this story, I started laughing because I thought, “Wow! Why did I not expect this earlier?” But otherwise, I loved this plot!

Characterization (4/5)

I think you developed your characters well. My only problem is that I don’t know why Yoobin was so bent on threatening Myungsoo and Jiyeon. Other than that I think your characters are extremely realistic. I found it extreme when Jiyeon killed Myungsoo, but thinking again, to an extent, a human being could be pushed to their limits and snap like she did. It was plausible. And having Myungsoo play a double agent in where his heart is somewhere different than his words, a husband would do that to his wife were she threatened by a high authority. So, in all, you’re realistic.

Originality (8/10)

Overall, you were very creative with this story; however, the title was something I’d seen before and, therefore, gave me the wrong idea of the fic. Don’t get me wrong; I love the title. It’s just not original to me. Secondly, I found it cliché that the main character is being controlled by a side character. It’s used in many movies and other fanfictions. In contrast, I was amazed that you twisted the story and really had Jiyeon kill Myungsoo. It just shocked me and I was like, “What just happened?” That was definitely original and unexpected.

Flow (5/5)

The flow was perfect. You explained details of Jiyeon’s life in which she was bullied and abused by paid hit men/hit women that Yoobin paid. You also wrote about Jiyeon’s history with Myungsoo and everything they’d been through. The came slowly and built up to a point where everything just spills over in a rush. It’s almost like an adrenaline high and the reader’s like, “Oh my gosh! It’s going to happen! … It happened! … It’s over…” And they’re just left with this, “Oh. My. God” moment. Overall, it was perfect.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary (10/25)

Mostly, your spelling and vocabulary was amazing. I also had no problems with capitalization errors or such; grammar wasn’t much of an issue. There were mistakes, but I can let them pass. There were very few. However, your punctuation was a bit out of line. As well, you were also a bit vague in your writing. I list an example or two of each.

Firstly, for your vague errs, you put, “Are you disgusted of me like that?”

What is like “that”? To some degree, we understand what “that” stands for, but for a clearer understanding of what Jiyeon feels, it would’ve been better to simply say, “Are you disgusted of me?”

Second, for your punctuation errs, in the prologue, you wrote, “I gave him that one chance at last, to at least show me he still loves me a little.”

There is no need for that comma. Frankly, just get rid of it. The reason why is that “I gave him that one chance at last” is a complete sentence; however, the phrase you have after that is not a complete sentence; therefore, you might as well just take out the comma and make it all one sentence where the words can run together fluidly.

Writing Style (9/10)

The way you write is very patient and suspenseful, yet you know how to bring drama and surprises into your story. I’ve noticed, you’re not very descriptive of the objects around the characters or anything but you’re extremely focused on the inner workings and thoughts of the character’s mind. You spend a lot of time asking questions and trying to solve them. I find that a hindrance. You should also be skilled in knowing how to describe objects just as easily as feelings. Otherwise, you’re an amazing writer and your English skills are excellent!

Overall Enjoyment (9/10)

I really enjoyed this story. Despite what I thought was cliché, I truly thought that your story is one I’d recommend to any of my friends or readers. It’s suspenseful, dark, and mysterious. It’s all the components for a thriller, minus the deadline. This story also has some surprises and twists if you walk in unprepared and not expecting anything. It’s a great story, and you’re an amazing writer. Keep up the good work!

Total 77/100

Reviewer : Star_Sarang