Fanfiction: All's fair in love and war

Author: psyduck

Title: [4/5]

Your title sounded really dramatic to me. I thought I was in for some drama and angst, but I really got the opposite, lots of romance and comedy. Anyway, you kept me entertained, which all that matters. I hope your story may reflect your title in the future.

Description/Foreword: [8/10]

Your description was like a movie description, but it wasn’t descriptive. I understood the gist of the story, and I guess that’s all you need to pull a reader in, but I don’t know, I think you could’ve added more and still had an equally entertaining story. You also exaggerated a lot in the description, like capitalizing some words and adding extra question marks. You should tone down on that.

Plot: [4/5]

I loved the plot, I mean, who doesn’t love a good romantic-comedy involving two hot cops? I know I do. I was drawn in by your witty comebacks between GD and Zico, and the love story was really cute. Amelie wasn’t anything special to me, I found her normal, and she didn’t really do anything that sparked my interest toward the plot.

Flow: [9/10]
Your story went not too fast nor too slow and I loved it. It seemed perfect, and I didn't want to stop reading it.

Writing Style: [5/5]

Your writing style was interesting, and also kept me paying attention. I wouldn’t ever forget what happened in the previous chapter because, I don’t know, your story was like a drama, I couldn’t wait for the next chapter!

Originality: [8/10]

I don’t think your story wasn’t THAT original. It reminded me of this movie, perhaps you’ve seen it, “This Means War.” If you haven’t, well your story was the exact same thing, two spies fighting over one girl. It’s y, it’s action-packed, and I love that sort of stuff.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary: [22/25]
Your story was fine, but you had a lot of the same minor mistakes. For example, you’d use the wrong “you’re” or “it’s.” Also, sometimes, at the end of each quote/words of dialogue, you’d forget to add a period inside the quotations.
Chapter 1
“Your one messed up rich boy”
---> “[You’re] one messed up rich boy”
“We’ve been having a bad week so just get the out of the car” The afro man said.
---> “We’ve been having a bad week so just get the out of the car[,” the] afro man said.
Chapter 3
“Amelie your look as gorgeous as ever!” John complemented her and she nodded.
---> “Amelie[, you] look as gorgeous as ever!” John [complimented] her and she nodded.
Chapter 6
“So he saved the day? Wow he sounds great” I smiled and stirred my coffee. “And looking at these pictures there both bangable.”
---> “So he saved the day? Wow[,] he sounds great[.]” I smiled and stirred my coffee. “And looking at these pictures [they’re] both bangable.”
Chapter 8
“BAHAHAAHAHAHA” GD laughed so hard that he had to support himself by holding onto a wall. “Your so weird!”
---> “BAHAHAAHAHAHA[.]” GD laughed so hard that he had to support himself by holding onto a wall. “[You’re] so weird!”
“Never say that again Amelie, your beautiful”
---> “Never say that again Amelie, [you’re] beautiful[.]”
Chapter 10
“You don’t think she’s stocking me right?”
---> “You don’t think she’s [stalking] me[,] right?”
“Shhhh I listening to what Amelie is telling GD”
---> “Shhhh[, I’m] listening to what Amelie is telling GD[.]”

Characterization/Details: [25/25]

I loved the way you wrote, especially when you wrote in GD’s perspective, he was so down-to-earth. I felt like you embodied the characters and totally knew how each one of them would act. I really don’t know how to describe it, GD and Zico’s personalities were so snappy and upbeat, they were unforgettable.

Poster: [3/5]

Your poster was really pretty, but awkward. I didn’t like the way that GD was standing, it just looked really weird to me. I’m not trying to hate on your poster but I didn’t like it.

Overall score: [88/100]

Your story was nice. It made me laugh a lot and I couldn’t get enough of it.

-lalaville (reviewer)