Fanfiction: To the Girl with Autumn Eyes

Author: summerchild

Title: 5 out of 5

Length is not even close to being an issue here. Anyone can disregard the length of your title, as they will only be focusing on the meaning behind your title. Some may think it's a type of metaphor, and others may think it's a type of poetic saying. But to me, it really means "to the girl with autumn eyes". I find the title brilliant, no questions ask. It amazes me as to how well it matches the story. I couldn't have thought of a better title myself, since almost all of mine are horribly horrific. 

Description/Foreword: 10 out of 10

I gave this section of full points because, well, how can you not love those haiku? I didn't even notice the fact that the notes to each other were written in a haiku format at first! When I was analyzing your description, the way your formatted their letters to each other had me confused. I actually had to read it a second time to find out, and if it wasn't for that teacher's note, I wouldn't have even noticed. How silly of me.

Appearance: 4 out of 5

I have no right to complain about the poster and background. Yes, I'm holding in my graphic-designing-self for the sake of things. Although, I do have to say something when it comes to your choice of font. Well, I shouldn't really say "font" but your font size. I found it just a tad bit small, and I have 20x20 vision.

Plot: 5 out of 5

Four words.

I. Really. Like. It.

But "You made me speechless" works just as well!

Flow: 8 out of 10

At times, it did feel like you went to in-depth with things. Perhaps from time to time, you can simplify yours sentences just to get the point across. Don't add any extra details, but just make it plain. It'll also help give you a variety in your sentences, which I will talk about more in the next section of this review.

Writing Style: 4 out of 5

Finally, I have found an author on this site who uses metaphors to my liking. Whenever I come across a story that uses figurative language in some sort of way, it's either hopelessly cliche or does not match the context of the text in any way, shape, or form. I noticed that you tend to use long complex sentences throughout the story. There's nothing wrong with it, but just make sure you don't use it too often. It's always best to use a variety of sentences of many different lengths; even simple sentences would suffice.

Originality: 10 out of 10

Cliche it may be, but you've definitely made it your own.

Mechanics: 19 out of 20

Your sentence structuring wasn't perfect, but by all means, it was right about there. At times, I found that you misplaced a comma or period, turning your compound/complex sentences into more of a run-on. I won't mention anything in detail, since considering how great of a writer you are, you'll be able to find them yourself through simple proofreading. I'll just point out one mistake since it's a very essential part of your story. The first sentence.

>> “Seoul?!” Jang Wooyoung cried, staring at me, eyes wide with shock. “Hey, Yonghwa, don’t joke around. Why will you go to Seoul all of a sudden?”'

Now, I would usually let a double punctuation mark slide if it was a comedy of some sort, but this is more of a formal piece of writing. I think it would've been fine to leave "Seoul!?" as "Seoul?" since the word "cried" hints that Wooyoung is shouting in some sort of way. As for the second half of this line, the sentence "Why will you go to Seoul..." is written incorrectly. The word "will" is present tense, but the past tense version "would" should've been used.

I bothered to point out this one sentence since, after all, it's the first sentence of your story. First impressions are everything in the AFF world. And that's why posters are such a big things nowadays. It always comes back to thought of first impressions. Excuse me for rambling on and on about this!

Characterization/Detail: 20 out of 20

Yet again, I have nothing to say here. The score speaks for itself.

Overall Enjoyment: 9 out of 10

This story is just so beautiful. And yes, I cried. I'm a softie like that. If you want to know why I took off a point, that's because there'd be really really long paragraphs at times that always seem to intimidate me. Aigoo. (And there goes my fail Korean.) But hey! That's just me!

Total: 94/100

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Please please please please P-L-E-A-S-E don't stop writing! If you do, I might actually start to cry again! Message me if you ever write a fanfiction about Jonghyun. I will forever worship you if you do. <3

-Keena-Choding