Calling - Dhee-licious
Literature Mused Reviews
Fanfiction: Just Be Friends
Author: Dhee-licious
Title: [4/5]
Somewhat confused with your title. I don't understand why they should "just be friends." They were more than "just friends" and went way beyond the friend zone anyway.
Description/Foreword: [7/10]
I liked your description, but it didn't really give me an overall look at what I was about to read. The excerpt of your story was exceptional but I still didn't know what I was reading. I felt like "what the heck is going on?"
It bothered me a lot how within your character descriptions you bolded certain words. I know that they're meant for emphasizing, but I felt like even so you still should've stuck with italics.
Plot: [4/5]
You kind of had a typical plot line. There's been lots of stories like this with a boy and girl liking each other, only to have the girl move away because of her parents. The ending, as you'll see later on in the "originality" portion was unpredictable and that's what I liked.
Flow: [9/10]
Slow down! Your story went so fast that I could hardly keep up. I mean, I did keep up, but it still felt like you would hurry from one event to another. Aya's feelings were also constantly changing like crazy! One minute she's calm. The next minute, she becomes pissed off!
Writing Style: [4/5]
You were pretty blunt in the way you wrote. There wasn't any "building up." Things just happened. I can't say I didn't like it, but sometimes it felt abrupt. For example, in the first chapter, or so, the two meet, suddenly they're together and you say that 4 months have passed by. Time went too fast.
Originality: [10/10]
As cliche as your story was, that ending was ORIGINAL. I swear I never and will never be able to predict that at all. It made me mad and sad, for the lack of better terms. I had so many emotions when I read both endings and I didn't want to believe it was over. I wanted the two to be together so bad.
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary: [18/25]
Okay, here's where stuff came out. You rarely had errors, but there still were some. I'll label them for you by chapter.
CHAPTER 1:
"Unfortunately he was. I tried to blend in with the other students entering but to no avail."
---> Unfortunately, he was. (a comma was needed in that sentence)
"We all laughed, it's been 1 month since we last saw each other."
---> We all laughed, it had been one month since we last saw each other. (this sentence started off in past tense, so it needs to remain that way. Also, any number less than ten must be written out, you can't just put the number)
"Though they were like that at the start, they've became friendlier and eventually they started dating."
---> Though they were like that at the start (or in the beginning), they've become friendlier and eventually started dating. (You could also change "they've become" to "they became")
CHAPTER 3:
We sat there, staring at the telivision screen intently.
--->We sat there, staring at the television screen intently. (spelling mistake)
I didn't put in all of your mistakes, just the major ones that stood out to me. The others were just minor.
Characterization/Details: [22/25]
Your story didn't have many details since it was majorly dialogue. It was like reading a script! Basically, I had to make up an image for myself, even though it should be the other way around. Yes, I could see the scenes for myself, but I still felt like what I saw was lacking.
Poster: [5/5]
You made your poster yourself, right? I found it really cute and I liked the pictures! Though, I would have preferred you using images of the characters instead. It still came out very nice so I applaud you for that.
Overall score: [83/100]
I liked reading your story a lot but sometimes it went too fast for me. I loved the lovey moments between Aya and Sunggyeol but I couldn't help to be completely crushed when Aya said she never really had feelings for him. I kind of wished that you continued the story a little. I want to see those two together. Please write more!
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