Fanfiction: I Miss You

Author: nytslyer03

Title: [2/5]

And here we have another sappy, romantic title that's no fun. No spark. It's among the those stereotypical titles that sound pretty, but really have no depth or actual meaning to it. If I were to look through a list of fanfictions, there's an 87% chance that I would skip through yours. Although, the good thing about these types of titles is that they're easy to remember. 

Description/Foreword: [8/10]

I took off a couple points because of the several errors I spotted out. In your foreword, the number five is not written in word format. If a number is below one hundred, it should always be written in  word format (dates, time, etc. are excluded).

Although I did really like how you added the song lyrics. It's from a song right? Well anyways, that was a smart idea incorporating it, mostly because the lyrics match the mood you're trying to portray. The rhetorical questions also added a nice touch and helped a lot with engaging the reader more. What I'm most impressed by though is your foreword itself. It's actually written like how a proper foreword should be written, giving a brief explanation of where you got your story idea from. I give you props for that.

Appearance: [3/5]

The poster was done nicely, but it seemed a little to angst-y for your story. Maybe soft colors would suit your story better (brown, peach, etc)? It also would have been better if Yesung's face popped out more. It's being hidden by Sungmin's fatass head. LOL sorry, I didn't mean that... Or did I? Well, I'm getting off topic now. Overall, the poster is done nicely. That's a fact.

I did have a problem, no a huge problem, with your background. I'd rather you leave it blank than trying to clash moods with the poster. Let's just leave this as simple as possible. Cute and angst do not match together. And that's final.

Plot:[4/5]

I actually really liked the plot of your story! You managed to keep me on edge and confused, which is a good thing, about the random flashbacks here and there. I was actually quite surprised at the end. I didn't expect for Yesung and Kyuhyun to get back together like that. It was cute.

Flow: [10/10]

It is very easy to have the perfect flow when it comes to writing one-shots. You did a good job in this section.

Writing Style: [5/5]

I liked your choice of vocabulary; it made your story seem so much more professional. I commend you for actually writing a flashback correctly. You didn't just add in the word "flashback" surrounded by parentheses, and started writing just like that. You instead gradually led to the reader knowing a flashback would occur and properly italicized those few moments when flashbacks did appear. The sentences flowed well from one to the next, and you brought in nice transitions helping out a lot with the flow of your words.

Originality: [9/10]

What I like about your story was that even though the plot was what you'd consider a "cliche", you still managed to make it your own! Like I said earlier, I was completely thrown off guard with the part where Yesung came in. It's events like these that turn a cliche into something of your own. Good job on that.

Mechanics: [18/25]

Your main problem here is to staying at one tense throughout the whole fanfiction. There were times when you'd switch from past tense, to present tense, all the way back to past tense which makes things harder and more confusing to read for your audience. I would have copied and pasted an insert from your story where you did make this mistake, but I wasn't allowed to. It didn't let me, sadly. Oh well!

There were also times when you didn't add some type of punctuation mark at the end of dialogue when it was necessary.

Ex: "You're cute!"

You wouldn't respond like this:

"Why thank you"

You need to add a period at the end of a sentence if it is a complete phrase, and most of your dialogue was, in fact, a complete sentence. SO WHY I SEE NO PERIODS?

It needs to be written like this:

"Why thank you."

There is one last thing I need to say. When typing out dashes, please do not use an en dash (-). Instead use an em dash (--) which is longer, and is the correct type of dash when adding in extra information.

Characterization/Details: [14/25]

This is the hardest task to accomplish when writing a one-shot story. Even for myself, it's hard to fully describe and engage the reader in your character all in one chapter-- which is why I don't and will never write a one-shot. I wasn't engaged in the characters. I felt no special emotion, nor did I deeply fall in love, or simply connect/relate to any one of them. Again, I don't blame you because it's a very hard thing to do.

Overall Enjoyment: [7/10]

I give you a seven out of ten. It kind of bored me at times, but overall, it was a very nice story!

Total Score: 80/100

Excuse me if I was being a tad bit blunt, but hey! Blunt people give the best advice because they see what others can't see through the simplest means. I liked your story though. :)

Thank you for requesting from Literature Mused Reviews! Remember to add this as a chapter of your story just in case we ever delete all of our chapters again.