SEASONS

by: baeseuji

Title [3/5]

Seasons; sad to say, it made a boring impression. However, after thinking and reading about it more, because of it being so simple it has attracted people’s attention. Perhaps readers were wondering why you chose this simple title and made them think there might be a hidden message or morale. With the title alone I inferred that you were trying to use a metaphor which is pretty clever.

Graphics [5/5]

It’s appealing and eye-catching. I like it because it shows all four seasons and it corresponded well with your title.

Foreword and description [2/10]

Your foreword had a great feeling into. Readers would feel what your protagonist is feeling which I think you did a pretty good job in. However, your punctuations were a little off and your grammar is a concern. I’m sorry but I have to take away marks. There were some errors with your foreword.

*The words in red means that they are revised*

“I still remember your warmth, your arms and your smile.”

“Each time I wander around the city to feel its beauty, I feel your shadow following me.”

“Even though I don't know where you are,I know that you will be always in my heart.”

“I believed in you love and that you will never leave me.”

Your description was disappointing. If you’re going to talk about your characters, you must elaborate about them. Describe your characters in detail. This is for the readers, so that we would understand who is who, what is what and to understand their relationships altogether. All you gave the readers are vague characteristics of your characters which can result into confusion.  

Language/Grammar [2/25]

No doubt that you don’t know grammar. English as a second language is not a proper excuse. I’m Korean, Korean is my first language and I think my grammar is understandable. You must learn grammar so that you would make the readers understand what you are trying to talk about. Your sentence structures are in a mess, your tenses too. Please work harder with your grammar.

Originality [2/10]

First of all, I tried to understand all the chapters but I think I failed. However, I think I get the zest of your story and I don’t think it’s that of an original. This is because I have inferred that everyone is in a love tangle. Everyone is linked. That’s what I got from reading your story.

Plot/Storyline/Flow [2/15]

Your storyline was alright but then again, I did not understand it fully. All I know is that Suzy is looking for the guy she loves. However, that guy is married. Krystal on the other hand somehow knows that her husband loves another girl. Right?

The flow of your story was yet again disappointing. The inference from your title did not serve its purpose. This saddens me. I thought that the seasons meant the feelings Suzy felt for Myungsoo, different feeling in different seasons.

Characterization [2/10]

I did not see any character changes. Even if you have slightly added indirect characterization in your story, because of your poor grammar, I did not pick those up. Therefore, my understanding of the characters is limited.

Style of writing [3/10]

I like it how you placed everyone’s POVs so that if would not be confusing. I liked how you used the POV strategy to show the overall storyline to the readers. The readers would have a first-hand understanding of the characters with this style of writing.

Enjoyment [0/10]

Sorry but I did not understand anything. I’m very picky with grammar. If I don’t understand something I cannot enjoy nor have fun with whatever I’m reading.

*Suggestions*

Grammar is the key to any story. If you want your readers to understand what you’re trying to say, write properly. If you do not know grammar, study. If you continue to write like this then you would be practicing in a bad way. Practice perfectly then you can be better. If you train yourself to repeatedly do these mistakes, nothing will improve. If you do not know grammar other elements of literature would be affected. For example, your characters, if you do not show the readers your characters properly they would have false ideas with your story. Remember, grammar is everything when it comes to writing. Practice perfectly. Practice with a book open. Read more English stories. NOT FANFICS.

If you want to know where to place the punctuations, try saying your sentences out loud. I had the same problem. I didn’t know English until I moved to an English speaking country. I had horrible grammar and punctuations are just as horrible. However, by saying your sentences our loud and by listening to your sentence structure, you would be able to fix your grammar. Having to know that you do not use proper grammar saddens me. This is because when people read your stories, they might end up being confused. For people to appreciate your story more, you have to learn grammar.

Overall score: 21/100

SungJaeSeon’s review at Literature Mused Reviews

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