Calling - Nikki_XiaoWen
Literature Mused Reviews
Fanfiction: -좌절-
Author: Nikki_XiaoWen
Title: [3/5]
Well, you're lucky I'm Korean and I understood the title. It would've been better if it were in English since the majority of the AFF community are an English speakers. Also, when I think of frustration I think about angst more than what this fic was about.
Description/Foreword: [2/5]
The description and foreword had a lot of grammar and punctuation mistakes which I will comment about later. These two also play the role of captivating the audience and reeling them in. It just didn't do it for me. If I wasn't reviewing this story, I wouldn't have continued reading.
Poster/Background: [2/5]
The poster seemed very crowded. There were too many pictures in my opinion and it wasn't to my liking. The background was fine but it looks like it had a word on it. It would've been better if I could have seen it.
Plot: [3.5/5]
I actually like the plot. The idea of them all hating each other and the rivalry between CLASSMATEZ and BEAST was enjoyable. There was also a lot of drama as well and I always love drama but there is a limit in my book and this had maybe too much drama. Also, the characters freaked out about nothing. One character lying to protect another causes the girlfriend to break up with him after hearing the truth? That's just unrealistic. Come on, what girlfriend would break up with her boyfriend because he was lying to protect someone and it harmed her in no way?
Flow: [8.5/10]
It wasn't bad. The flashbacks at the beginnings were helpful for me remembering what happened in the last chapter so I enjoyed that but the other flashbacks in the middle of the story wasn't to my liking. It was ragged and choppy. The chapters about Oh! My school didn't have to be that long. You could have just fit everything into one or two chapters and it just dragged on.
Writing Style: [2/10]
In the first chapter, it says 'You can hear the strong and yet melodically voice coming out from the recording room'. I was trying to comprehend who 'you' was but I found no one. All the roles are being played and the characters in the story that aren't present in that scene have no reason to be there nor are the other acknowledging 'you'. I can't tell if this story is in first person or third. It's layout looks like a script and yet, I can't be sure. Also, I don't understand who the author is or how the girls/guys can hear what s/he is saying. S/he plays no role in the story and the story could go without him/her. The style of writing wasn't to my liking. This is a fan fiction. It looks like a playwright.
Originality: [8/10]
I kind of expected at the girls to go out with one particular guy, which they did, so it was sort of predictable but other than that, I haven't read anything else like this story.
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary: [3/20]
The grammar and punctuation as well as the use of vocabulary in this fan fic is very poor. I found several grammar mistakes in the description alone. I can confidently say that if I listed all of the mistakes then there would be more than a hundred mistakes listed below. These are only a few mistakes in the description.
WHAT HAPPEN IF B2ST/BEAST VS CLASSMATEZ?
What happens if B2ST/BEAST goes head to head with CLASSMATEZ?
Grammar mistake.
Director Lee, the new director of C-Mates choosen 6 girls as a group named "ClassMatez".
Director Lee, the new director of C-Mates, has chosen 6 girls, put them in a group, and has named them "ClassMatez".
Grammar mistake.
The girls don't get along because of their different personality and their dream to be a solo artist. But when they meet Beast they realized their enemy is not themselves. It's BEAST!
The girls don't get along because of their different personalities and their dreams of becoming solo artists, but when they meet Beast, they realize that their enemy is not themselves but BEAST!
Grammar mistake and run on sentences are present.
Annoyed by their ignorance and arrogance, they teamed up to put Beast down.
Annoyed by their ignorance and arrogance, they team up to put Beast down.
You were using present tense before and all of a sudden, you changed it to past tense.
Like in a chess game, CHECKMATE!!
This is a fragment and I'm not too sure on what you're trying to say so I can't fix this.
But will this checkmates ended up being in love with them?
Well, like you said before, 'checkmate' is something you say when you win. I don't understand how girls can fall in love with a word. Also, there's a grammar mistake in here as well.
Characterization/Details: [1/20]
There were too many characters for me. There were no details and going in depth with all 12 is hard. They had no surface, they were all flat characters. It felt as though all of them were the same exact person but with different names so it was hard for me to tell them apart. They were, to me, the same exact person going through different problems and that was all. It would have been better if one girl had a kind heart and tried to bring them all together or if a few of them were complete s. Either way, they were all clones. Again, there was no description. It was just all dialogue and actions. A few thoughts but again, no details whatsoever.
Overall Enjoyment [7/10]
I didn't really like the story at first. It was slow and getting no where but around chapter 20 it started getting a bit more interesting. I'm not saying that it had me wanting to stay up and read the whole thing but it wasn't too bad. It would have been more interesting for me if there were more details, the story was in either third or first POV and the characters developed background, more in depth personalities and you gave the more of some sort of volume.
Overall: [38/100]
This is where I come in and give you constructive criticism and you hate me for it (of course, that is if you don't already hate me for it). I understand that some people aren't native English speakers. I get it. It's hard to learn a new language or what not but I strongly recommend that you study a bit more, hm? To me, if the grammar is bad in a story, I dislike it. It just makes me cringe. Also, try not to cram so many characters into a story unless you can give them a shape and a background. You just didn't do that with the characters in this story.
- YOLOes (reviewer)
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