Dear Diary,

I met a boy today. He's tall and frankly he is quite scary. I've never been scared of something, or someone, so much.

I don't know what it is about him that scares me. He just does. Maybe it is his brooding demeanour or his dark eyes which seem to note everything eventhough he remains aloof. And maybe, just a tiny bit, it's also how everyone thinks he used to be part of a gang back in his hometown.

I normally talk to a lot of people but somehow I am scared of talking to him. I don't know what to say. Should I try? I should right? Maybe he is just new here and doesn't know anyone so he sits separately.

I think I'll try to talk to him tomorrow.

Dear Diary,

It's awkward. It's awful and its awkward.  I've tried to talk to him but every time I turn to look at him, I get scared and I turn away.

I don't think I'll ever be able to talk to him. 

Dear Diary

My one and only refuge is no longer my secret. Do you know that small reading room built between the third and second floor of the school library? Guess who I found there? 

It was Mr. Scary from before. I walked into the room only to find him inside, scanning the shelves for books I presume. Unable to face him, I hid outside the door and watched him.

He likes to read. I wonder if we like the same books? 

Dear Diary, 

I saw him on the train today. He got down at the stop before mine. I guess we live nearby. 

He was reading again. I think I recognize the cover. But I don't remember which book it belongs to.

Have you ever seen a hamster furry his eyes in concentration? He reminds me of them when he is reading. Maybe I should call him Hamtaro?

Dear Diary

I see him reading all the time now. It must be a really engaging book. Sadly I don't remember the name or the story. I am starting to doubt if I even recognize the cover correctly. 

The rumors surrounding him remain the same. It's funny to think that a scary gangster loves to read. I am starting to think that Hamtaro isn't a scary gangster at all.

Dear Diary

I think I died earlier today. He caught me looking at him. 

I swear I didn't mean to! I was sure I was being discrete. I just wanted to know the name of the book. And that's when we had  eye contact and I looked away almost that instant, stuffing my face with carrots. My heart sped up and went doki doki at the speed of light! I didn't dare look his way again.

All I saw of the tite was the word 'The'. How specific. 

Dear Diary

We ran into each other at the library today. Or more like he helped me take a book from a high shelf in the reading room and I thanked him for it. He just nodded, took his book and left. 

I felt oddly disappointed at that. More than I should have.

Dear Diary, 

We sat next to each other on the train. We didn't talk today either. By the time I picked up the courage to say hi, it was time for him to leave.

I wish I had said hi sooner.

Dear Diary

I waved at him today! I figured actions might succeed where words have failed. He nodded at me but he went back to studying. 

I think I smiled through all the classes after that moment.

Dear Diary, 

We shared the reading room. We sat across the same table too. I have never felt so nervous in my life. I had to consciously make an effort not to stare at him!

The silence however isn't awkward anymore. Rather it feels kind of nice. It's starting to grow on me I guess. I look forward to reading with him again.

Dear Diary, 

Yifan. Hamtaro's real name is Yifan. It's a nice name right?

Yifan and I walked to the train station together today after spending the free last period in the library. He took a different train though. Maybe he had to go elsewhere. 

But I did pick up the courage to thank him for walking with me and I got to learn his name. Today was a good day.

He also has a really nice smile.

Dear Diary

Yifan and I walk from the station to school in the morning together. And when he is free we walk from the school to station together too.

I've learnt a lot about him. He likes reading. And basketball. And snooker. No one in school plays 8 ball snooker. Yifan is unique. 

Yifan is not the Hamtaro gangster I thought he was. He is really nice. And he is adorable and he makes me laugh. He is dorky too sometimes. But he really is nice. Very very nice. 

I've never been so happy to be wrong.

Dear Diary

I held hands with Yifan today! I haven't stopped blushing since.

His hands are rough but his hold is gentle. And his fingers have a way of fitting in with mine. It feels really nice, holding hands. I like this feeling.

Dear Diary, 

Yifan is a true gentleman! He gave me his school blazer today because I forgot my sweater and I was feeling cold. It's all so loose on me. I had to fold the sleeves all the way up but it was so loose it fell. 

Yifan laughed at me and I pouted. And then he folded it up for me and somehow it managed to stay up. It's his blazer so it listens to him. 

Biased blazer. 

At one point when he was folding up the blazer we were very close to each other. I looked up at him and we held gazes for a while. I was wearing the blazer and yet I shivered.

Dear Diary,

Of late I've been having thoughts I shouldn't have. I keep wanting to kiss Yifan.

Aaaaaahhhh

I am not supposed to think that! 

Yifan is of no help. He keeps giving me knowing looks if he finds me looking. It's hard not to look at his lips and he judges me for it! It's not my fault!

This is all highly unfair. 

Dear Diary, 

Yifan is a bad guy. Bad and absolutely horrible.

And a really nice kisser but absolutely horrible! 

I wish he would warn me before kissing me.

Dear Diary

I can't seem to decide if he is horrible or really nice. He kissed me first. And later he brought chocolates for me. And then he said he would like to kiss me again.I swear I didn't mean to drop the chocolates but I did.

I think I'd like to kiss him again too.

Dear Diary, 

The rains have begun. Yifan says he has grown two more centimeters. He's already looking tall. I feel tiny next to him when we stand close to each other. 

But his height  is the perfect  for little hugs and for me to stare into his chest. 

Dear Diary,

Yifan and I shared an umbrella today since he had forgotten his. It ended up in both of us getting half wet because our heights don't match. He teased me about it again today and I pouted.

So he kissed me.

I kissed him back too because it felt like the right thing to do. 

I definitely think we should do it again sometime. Without the rain maybe and definitely without all the cold it brought too! Maybe under snowy white clouds on a pleasant spring day.