Nickhun’s POV

2pm had just finished another concert in Incheon, Korea, and we were at an after-party to celebrate our performance.
I was sitting alone in a booth, tracing the edge of my cup with my pinky.

In the background, I could hear people talking. I could hear Wooyoung talking with the President.

“President, did Jay ever say when he was coming back?”, I heard Wooyoung ask. 
“He didn’t specify”, the President answered.

What the did that mean? What was Jay doing? He had to know that we were suffering without him right now… I started tracing the cup faster.

“When was the last time you talked to him?”
“I think… last Monday? Yeah, I was telling him about his friend James. He’d just married his friend Alexandria or was it Alexandra? Something like that. Anyways, he wanted me to tell Jay and Hanul about their marriage.”

My finger stopped tracing the cup. I felt ice frost in my stomach and my blood freeze inside my veins.

At the hospital, when the SM President had dragged me there, hadn’t he accused Hanul of marrying James? Hadn’t he… congratulated her…?
That bastard. That ing liar.

I got up from my spot, and walked out, ignoring the random girls that kept calling me “oppa”.

I needed a quiet place to… to think.

Junsu’s POV

When I could finally escape a hyper Junho and his -grabbing, I slithered over to Wooyoung.

“What were you talking so secretively about there, Wooyoung-ah?”
“What, when?”, Wooyoung said, placing a look of total surprise on his face.

“Just now, with the President.”

Wooyoung smiled at me so that his eyes were just lines. He was such a terrible liar.
“Wooyoung-ah”, I said, slipping into my Daegu accent, “tell your hyung the truth, yah?”
I slipped my arm around his shoulders.

“Oh”, Wooyoung said innocently, “I think I’m going to have to pass this offer.” He tried to slip away from me.

I grabbed him before he could escape though; accidently grabbing his chest.  
“Hyung, get off. The fans girls are looking!”

“That means that this is what they want, “I whispered in his ear.
“Stop it, you sick Daegu grandfather!”
“Not until you answer my question”, I replied.

“Hyung, my secrets stay secrets”, Wooyoung told me, seriously.

“I think you’re keeping the wrong secrets. Shouldn’t all of us understand how Jay feels? So that when he comes back… if he comes back…”, I felt myself starting to feel emotional.

“Daegu grandpa, I don’t think Jay’s coming back”, Wooyoung stated, emotionless.

I stopped grabbing him. My arm fell from his shoulders.

I felt something collapse inside of me. What was it called? Oh yeah, hope. I felt it slowly die in my heart. 

I watched silently as Wooyoung walked out. 

Nickhun’s POV

I sat on the edge of the river bank, staring at the circle on my hand.

I closed my eyes… Why was all this happening?

Why was… everything falling apart?

What I wanted was simple, a world where Hanul and I could be idols and where Hanul and I could be together. I thought that was simple.

But… it wasn’t…

I heard movement somewhere, I turned to see what it was.
It was Wooyoung, making his way down the bank to me.

I quickly closed my hand into a fist and shoved my hand in my pocket.

“What’s up, Wooyoung?”, I asked.

He paused. “Why are you here?”
“Just wanted some place where I could actually hear myself think.”

Wooyoung sat down next to me and said, “What are you thinking about?” 

The word slipped out of my mouth before I could stop myself, “Hanul.”
There was a pause and then Wooyoung said, “Let’s make a deal, Khun. If I help you with Hanul, you have to help me with Jaebum.”

“I don’t think I can make that deal”, I answered, “I don’t think I can help you with Jaebum. I don’t know anything about him.”
“I just want to talk”, Wooyoung answered.

“All right.”

“When Hanul left, two years ago, were you and Jay cool?”

“No. He ignored me for almost three months.” 

“Why?”
“He thought she left because of me… something like that. I’m not sure. But point is, he didn’t trust me anymore.”

“Khun, you should have said something. We can’t have distrust in 2pm. It’ll break us. It has broken us.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t see how he sees me as responsible for Hanul’s leaving! She left me!”

Wooyoung hesitated.

“What, what is it?”, I asked.

“Khun, promise not to talk or move for 20 minutes after I tell you this.”

How bad could it possibly be?

“Fine.”

“Hanul… stood you up at your engagement announcement, right?

“Yes”, I said, my heart going cold at the memory.

“She did that on purpose.”

“I know”, I said, bitterly.
“She did that for you.”

I looked up. He was crazy. I wanted to announce my engagement. She was the one who ran off, without any explanation.

“Wooyoung, you’re wrong”, I said.
“Had you announced that engagement, you would never have been able to debut with 2pm. Your contract would have been terminated. You would never be where you are now. She was threatened, Khun, for being engaged to you. Not only by the SM President, but by other trainees and other fans as well. She became hated. She didn’t want to see you go through the same thing, when you were so close to success. She left for you. She left so you would succeed. She tried to see you that night, that engagement night. And the SM President wouldn’t let her. They didn’t want a scandal right before your debuts. They said choose between her happiness and yours. And she choose yours. She chased down the JYP President in the YG building and begged him to shield you. That was where she was when she was supposed to debut. And she missed her chance. And she was terminated from SM Entertainment. And she wasn’t allowed to see you anymore, or even contact you.  But, at the same time, she couldn’t bear seeing you everywhere. She couldn’t bear to see you on billboards, on store windows, on girls’ handphones. So she left.”

I was silent.

“Don’t hurt her, Nickhun. She’s had enough.”  Wooyoung got up, and he put his hand on my head for a brief moment, and then he said softly, “We’ll talk about Jay some other time.”
And then he left.
I stayed where I was.

Even if Wooyoung hadn’t told me to sit still for twenty minutes, I would have.
I felt frozen. And numb.

I felt drunk. I felt scared.

I felt like life made sense. At the same time, I felt like life made no sense at all.

But one thing, one thing was clear.

Hanul had ultimately given herself up for me. She’d left to save me, she’d never run away.

It broke my heart to know that because I had never knew… I wanted to tell her that, right now.

To hold her in my arms and say, “I didn’t know.”

Hanul, I’m so sorry. I thought you were just running away. Leaving me to deal with the cold idol world.

She hadn’t been running away…

But she was now…

I slowly pulled my fist out of my pocket and opened my hand.

I stared at the circle.

Life was a circle, right?
Even if she ran away now… she’d eventually come back to me, right?

I’d get another chance.
Yes. 

I just had to wait. Be patient.

a/n: you wouldn't believe how much i wrote that i'm holding secret right now. ^^ i have myself all figured out. mwahahaha. <3 i'll update again tomorrow, and the day after. (: thank you! i hope you guys are having a good start to the holidays right now! & hellopanda23, i'm pretty close to just listing you as co-author. hahaha. seriously, i sincerely thank you for your excellent and honest advice. mayvin... junsu's quite the creeper, huh? XD