▸ t h i r t y - t h r e e
Reminiscence
The night was getting late but I'm still wide-awake. I couldn't sleep. I keep on turning from side to side and no matter how I tried to close my eyes, I just couldn't fall asleep. Sighing, I sat up on the bed slowly so HaeSeok wouldn't wake up beside me. I reached for the night lamp and soon the faint light illuminated the room. HaeSeok was softly snoring and I leaned closer to kiss him on the forehead.
I sighed again as I brought my knees closer to me and hugged myself. My eyes traveled down on my left hand and looked intently at the diamond ring Luhan gave me. He proposed and I said yes. Ever since we arrived from Jeju, I just couldn't seem to relax and I don't know why. When I said yes to him, my mind was clear but now I don't know anymore. My head seemed dizzy and clouded. What the heck's wrong with me?
Have I done the right thing?
I closed my eyes as the question sprang in my mind once again. Deep in my heart I know I love Luhan. He's special to me and a part of my heart belongs to him, I am sure of that.
Or maybe this was just one of those last-minute engagement-jitter things. Everyone feels something like this, I guess. I sighed as I watched the ring glowed from the light of the night lamp. Maybe that's just it. I'm just giving myself something to stress out, something that I shouldn't be stressing over with.
I moved my eyes to my son on the other side of the bed. Sooner or later, I am going to tell him about our engagement. Hopefully, he'll be okay with it.
And as for Minseok....
No, I shouldn't think about him. I shoved him out of my head and turned the night lamp off.
If Luhan didn't snap a finger on me, I would have been spacing out the whole time. I blinked at him and smiled. I feel bad for my action. I realized I've been spacing out ever since we arrived at the restaurant. It was dinner time and he asked me out.
"You okay?" He asked, a look of worry was written on his face.
Silently clearing my throat, I nodded. "Of course I'm fine." I said. "I'm just...I just thought I'll fetch HaeSeok right after dinner." I held my eyes down, afraid that he might read my eyes, and sipped on the soup with the soup spoon.
This time he frowned when I snuck a glance at him. "Didn't Minseok called you to tell you he'll fetch HaeSeok at the day-care center?"
Oh right. Now I feel dumb.
I chuckled. "Oh, yeah. I'm a bit forgetful lately." I said, trying to ease the atmosphere with a lame joke. "I must've probably knocked my head with a brick." Luhan didn't laugh but he just smiled. I bit my spoon hard in return.
"You must be tired," he said. "Don't worry, after this I'll drive you home."
I smiled. "Thank you, Luhan." He smiled back but didn't say a word. He continued eating and I chose to do the same. Afterwards, we went out of the restaurant together and he drove me home. Throughout the ride, we were just silent. He was concentrating on his driving while I was closing my eyes, leaning my head on the headrest. When we arrived, he insisted to walk me up to Kyun
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