He doesn't look at Kyungsoo as he holds out his bare arm. He doesn't want to watch his face. Kyungsoo's fingertips lightly trace the start of the scarring, just by his shoulder and then trails lower and lower until he reaches his wrist. He stops there, doesn't go any further. Jongin cringes into his shoulder.

Kyungsoo's shaking -almost imperceptibly- but Jongin feels it because every neuron is concentrated on him. He sneaks one tiny glance at him, not sure what to expect, and is still surprised and appalled to find him with his eyes closed and his face damp with tears that run down his cheeks and onto his collar. He tips his head back, and grimaces. Jongin pulls replaces his bad hand with his good one, and holds Kyungsoo's hand, intertwining their fingers.

“Why don't you hate me? This is all my fault,” he asks, in a voice that starts as a whisper, but finishes on a heart-breaking whimper in the back of his throat. His fault? How is any of this his fault? It's Canlie's fault for taking him in the first place, and then that other wolf's fault. Not Kyungsoo's. never Kyungsoo.

Using their connected hands, Jongin hauls Kyungsoo towards him in a reversal of their earlier position. He pulls him further up so they lie chest to chest, faces separated by the tiniest expanse of air. Letting go of Kyungsoo's hand, and placing it on the back of Kyungsoo's neck, he murmurs,

“This isn't your fault,”

“Yes it is, I should never have even spoken to you, then you would never be-” he doesn't finish the sentence, screwing up his eyes again, “I'm so sorry, Jongin,” he lets his head fall onto Jongin's shoulder and Jongin rubs his bad hand -fisted so that it doesn't feel too weird for him- up and down Kyungsoo's back as his breathing hitches.

“Kyungsoo, I- I love you, you know that, right? I could never blame you for this, it’s not your fault,” he promises, and Kyungsoo shakes his head minutely,

“I love you too,” he leans in for a kiss, and it's not the best kiss they've ever shared, but it is the most charged, it feels like molten lava surging through his bloodstream and converging in his heart. It feels like nothing can go wrong when they're together. But that's obviously just a dream, and it only takes one glance around to bring his head out of the clouds,

“Can I go to your house? Please?” Jongin pleads between kisses, “I don't want to stay here anymore,” Kyungsoo face goes through a series of emotions starting with happiness, and ending with frustration as he examines his phone for the time.

“You can't tonight: it's too late,” Jongin slumps at the thought of being away from Kyungsoo again, but before he can be too disappointed Kyungsoo continues, “I'll be back tomorrow night. If you pack during the day then I'll pick you up and bring you home,”

He said home like his house is Jongin’s home too. Jongin smiles, worn out from all these sudden emotions. Who knew feelings were such hard work? He realises he's going to have to work to act like he was before, so as not to raise suspicion. That's going to be hard, he's already buzzing with anticipation for the next night, like a caffeine buzz.

“I wanted to text you, but mum took my phone away,” Jongin says, searching in his eyes to make sure he believes him,

“I thought so, I tried texting you too. But when you didn't answer for days. I just. I thought so,” Kyungsoo trails off,

“What happened to Canlie?” Jongin asks, hoping that he's been punished for hurting him. It would only be fair, after all. Kyungsoo's face twist into a parody of Jongin's first memory of him, only more lethal,

“He's been dealt with. Don't worry: you won't have to see him again,” he promises, reaching for Jongin's hands. Jongin tries to evade capture by ambushing the hand the going for is injury, so that both of Kyungsoo's hands are surrounding just the one of his. His good one. The normal one.

Kyungsoo gives him a withering look, and reaches out around him, snagging the renegade hand and keeping it there. Jongin knows that the scarred flesh has a disgusting, shiny swollen texture, and he can barely look at it himself. He's not sure if Kyungsoo genuinely doesn't mind, or if he's secretly hiding what he feels. The fact that he's even considering it as an option just adds to his insecurities, but how can he not?

It's as if Kyungsoo can read his mind, or at least his face, because the moment these thoughts run through his mind he squeezes his hand and brings it up to his mouth to press his lips to it.

“I love you, Jongin. No matter what,” he kisses it again, “I love you,” Jongin's heart skips a beat, and he feels like he should be blushing or something but he never actually blushes when he thinks he is.

“I hate to ruin the mood, but that was horrendously cheesy,” he says, to try and cover up the fact that he's flattered, overjoyed and one step away from turning into a thirteen-year-old with his voice cracking and everything.

“Yup,” Kyungsoo replies, a grin-one of the ones Jongin has come to love best- spreading slowly over his pale and tired face like a flower unfurling its' petals. Something flutters in Jongin’s chest, and he smiles back at him.

Kyungsoo reaches over to pull him back into his lap, so Jongin goes willingly, and straddles him, resting his chin on his shoulder, lethargic. He must be heavy, but Kyungsoo isn't complaining, his arms looped around his waist comfortingly. Jongin wonders if time could please stop.

He struggles to keep his eyes open, to actually be awake with Kyungsoo finally here, but he can't,

“You look exhausted,” Kyungsoo touches the bags under his eyes tenderly, looking empathetic and not too awake himself. Selfishly, Jongin is glad to know that he wasn't the only one not sleeping. He immediately feels guilty for thinking this.

“I've been having. Nightmares,” he confesses, and Kyungsoo's face twists again, but differently this time. This time he looks anguished,

“Come here,” he whispers, guiding Jongin's limp body into a more comfortable position for sleeping, curled up into his side, “I'll stay here until you fall asleep, but I have to go after that, ok? I don't want your mum to see me,” he explains, and Jongin nods, already succumbing to the land of the dreaming. He's not really registering much of what he's saying; only that he's there, and he finally feels safe, happy, like he's not unbearably alone. Complete. He hears all the time in films about puzzles pieces fitting together perfectly and all that, but now he understands.

Kyungsoo's rubbing tiny, lazy circles on his back, and Jongin misses his voice,

“Kyungsoo, talk to me,” he whines, and Kyungsoo chuckles,

“What about?”

“Anything. Tell me a story of when you were little,”

“Hm. Ok,” he sighs, trying to remember something that would be worth recounting, “when I was little, before I was able to shift properly with Blaidd, I really wanted a pet. Back then we couldn't really communicate that well: it was worse than when I met you, I used to hit my head on the walls and stuff when Blaidd was being annoying. You're still ing obnoxious, Blaidd, shuttup. Because he was jealous that I wanted something that wasn't him,”

Jongin smiles, “I'm trying to imagine Blaidd as a puppy. And you were such a cute baby, your mum showed me the pictures after all,” Jongin says, his eyes refusing to open at all now. He doesn't see Kyungsoo roll his eyes, and mentally promise to make her regret that later.

“Anyway, for a very long time he basically wouldn't let me go near other people, animals, anyone except my parents really. Even the other wolves, a bit, but not as bad. 'Cos wolves usually mate with humans. I don't know why, don't think anyone really does. Just one of those weird things that just happens,” Kyungsoo's pretty sure Jongin's asleep now, or at least so far gone that he won't reply even if he can still hear him.

He keeps talking anyway, watching the way his future mate's eyelids twitch, “Until we saw you,” he murmurs, curling around him protectively, “I swear I won’t let anything more happen to you.” 

-

yerp how cute ( ˘ ³˘)♥ 

commento wo kudasai hehe ill try my best to reply im just not a very good conversationalist orz

also i have tumblr if u wana talk to me there feel free (｡･ω･｡)