APPROXIMATELY THREE YEARS AGO (Yonghwa and Shinhye’s Wedding)

~~~

At balcony of the reception hall, Jiyeon sat on the banister with her bare feet dangling in the air; her three-inched heels sprawled carelessly on the floor. It had been salvation to take the shoes off for it felt like it killed the nerve endings on her feet.

She was clasping an empty glass wine on her hands, looking at the dim garden with her back away from the door. It was almost nine in the evening but the wedding party still hasn’t subsided.

“BOO!”

“AHHHHH!!!” Jiyeon shrieked like a girl, almost jumping down from the banister to an instant death. Yes well, the reception hall was on the second floor. But thank the gods, a hand immediately s around her waist and held her to her place, “Whoa there, do you have a death wish or something?”

Jiyeon turned her head to the speaker. She wasn’t even surprise to see Hongki smirking at her, wreaked with the smell of wine. “You’re a freaking idiot,” she glared at him.

He snickered letting her go, “That’s not a very nice way to talk to the person who just saved your life. I’m pretty sure ‘thank you’ is the phrase you’re looking for.”

“Bite me.”

“My pleasure.”

Jiyeon rolled her eyes as she whirled her body so that she was now facing the two-framed door while Hongki stood beside her. “I’m sure you’re not here just to piss me off. What do you want Hongki?” she raised a brow at him.

“Actually you’re wrong, I’m here to piss you off,” he beamed but in contrast of his words, he handed her a glass of white wine.

She took it without a word and sipped from it.

After a brief silence, Hongki started to rant out of nowhere, “You know I don’t understand how people fall in love? Like how do you know when you love someone? How do you know if what you really feel for that person is really love? How do you know if that person is the one for you, the one you’re willing to get married with? Another thing, if you love someone, is it really necessary to have a relationship with and responsibility to her? Why do you have to be loyal to that person? Isn’t it good to love a lot of girls rather than one, because you know… you’re spreading love—“

“Lust,” Jiyeon corrected. “What you are spreading is different from love, Hongki, it’s lust.”

“So how do you distinguish lust from love? Though love confuses me, I’m pretty sure there is still the physical attraction,” Hongki drank two glasses of wine in one go as he seemingly pondered on his questions. He brought three glasses by the way.

“You’ve had too much wedding party and wine in your system, go sober up. You’re thinking way to deep, your brain might not be able to take all the thinking and explode,” Jiyeon said with a straight face. But inside her head, she kind of feel sad for Hongki. Everyone has his or her own definition of love and she knew she can’t answer all the question Hongki had thrown at her. He could only understand if he felt it too.

“Whatever,” Hongki shrugged dismissively not only at Jiyeon’s remark but also the thoughts in his head. “Love only complicates things—wait, let me correct that, love is complicated, might as well not sail in that tide even if I die.”

Jiyeon just shook her head, “Good thing I fell out from you then or I’ll be stuck in an unrequited lo—uhhh crush, I mean crush, forever.” She meant to say love but she didn’t want to admit it in front of him now. As far as he knew, it was only a ‘little crush’.

Hongki beamed at her straightening his back, “Good thing. Anyway let’s get in, it’s getting pretty cold out here.”

“You go in first, I’ll follow in a minute.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay then,” he nodded and turned to walk away.

Jiyeon watched his retreating back, something tugged her heart when he said the words “good thing”. It wasn’t a good tug though, more like a sad and painful one because those careless words mean he has little regards of her feelings for him.

She shook her head immediately brushing off the thought. I like Jonghun now. I already moved on. She convinced herself. Actually, it was more like a mantra to her for those times she looks at Hongki and be reminded of what she once felt—or feel—for him.

PRESENT.

Jiyeon’s POV:

I followed Hongki with my gaze as he made his way out of the packed dance floor. Watching him leave like that made all the anger I’ve channeled towards him subside to zero.

Something tugged my heart. It wasn’t a good tug though, more of a sad and painful one.

I wanted to go after him, apologize for what I’ve said. I never meant it. He has everything to do with me. I want him to be my everything. But for some reason, I was rooted on the spot watching him as he disappeared.

The moment he was out of site, my senses started working again. I finally heard the reverberating club music that somehow muted as I watched him leave. I finally noticed Yoona holding both of my shoulders and Minhyuk standing on my side grimacing. And finally, I realized that the ice that held me on my feet seconds earlier has now melted.

Without wasting a second, I broke free from Yoona and bowed down to Minhyuk. “I’m sorry,” was the last words I told him before running off to the exit. I heard my best friend yelling after me but I didn’t stop. I can’t let him think that he was nothing to me. He’s maybe an but I love him, I love him again or perhaps my feelings for him never left. Perhaps there has always been a place for him in my heart. Perhaps those years I thought I have been moving on, was the years I spent on storing my feelings for him in a box. And tonight, tonight was the night the contents of that box spilled out uncontrollably.

I know I’m being stupid again. I know he doesn’t love me back and he never will. But I’ll deal what my feelings later, later after I tell him I’m sorry. I know what’s that Minhyuk guy had in mind but I let him be because—I’m stupid. And angry. A matter of fact, the punch was a wakeup call, so I should thank Hongki for that as well. He didn’t deserve a single bit of humiliation that I caused him. He must be really mad at me right now. But why did he left without a fight? The Hongki I knew would’ve made fun of me, pissed me off by doing something obnoxious right then and there, but why?

He must’ve been really mad and embarrassed.

I sighed. He may not like me the way I like him, but I can’t let him hate me either.

I was running like a crazy woman I am on the streets of Hongdae the whole time, but I didn’t see any sign of that familiar silver hair. I tried to call his phone but it was out of reach.

I searched the area for almost half an hour before finally deciding to go home, since it was already ten in the evening and I just received a text from Minhwan that Minsoo can’t seem to fall asleep.

As I head home with a cab, I was hoping Hongki was already at there.

But to my disappointment, he wasn’t.

I waited for him until three in the morning. But he never went home that night.

I wonder where is he going to spend the night?

I woke up from the sound of Minsoo’s cackling the next day. When I opened my eyes, I realized I was still in his room. I must have fallen asleep on the couch while waiting for Hongki. Speaking of which, I hope he's home.

I sauntered towards Minsoo’s crib groggily and peered down at the angel. He was busy pulling Peroro’s stuffed arms in all directions and biting its head mercilessly. When he saw me, he laughe and mumbled words in baby language. Just seeing him like this in the morning made my heart swell in happiness. 

I hoisted him up and rubbed our noses together. The action made him squeeze his eyes shut and cackle loudly. He just loves it when we do that. I chuckled, “Aigoo, I just wanna squish you so hard right now. How can you be so cute?”

He just cackled in response before putting his fingers in his mouth.

Once I found out Hongki wasn't still home (Oh god, he's making me worry so much), I decided to take a walk with Minsoo at the nearby park. Just to take my mind off things and spend time with the angel that took away the depression I feel in my heart somehow. Hongki can take care of himself, he’s a grown man. But still…I’m worried, if only I knew where he is.

After feeding Minsoo and eating cereals myself, I bathed him, changed his diapers and clothes, and packed the things he might need in the bag. When I’m finished with him, I went to take a shower and throw down a simple shirt and jeans.

I was half way through the park, with Minsoo’s stroller in front of me, when my phone started to vibrate inside my pocket. Thinking it might be Hongki, I immediately reached for it.

But it was just Yoona.

“Hey,” she greeted as soon as I answered.

“Hey,” I replied trying to not to sound disappointed.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah.”

I heard Yoona sighed on the other line, “In case you’re wondering, he spent the night in Jonghun’s place.”

I breathed in relief. The information, thankfully, took some of the worries away.

“Anyway, where are you right now?” she asked.

“On my way to the nearby park with Minsoo, why?”

“Take the bus right now and meet me up at the café you’re working at.”

“What? Why?”

“I want to talk to you about something we can’t talk over the phone. Plus, I’m already here, so don’t make me wait. See ya!” With that, the phone call ended.

I stared at my phone in confusion before shaking my head dismissively and proceeded to the bus stop.

My best friend can be weird sometimes.

When I reached the café, I immediately saw Yoona in our usual table talking to Zelo. They waved at me as soon as they saw me coming.

“Hi noona!” Zelo greeted with his boyish smile.

I beamed at him noticing the change of his hair color, “Blonde huh?”

“You noticed,” he grinned sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. A tinge of pink forming on his cheeks.

“Of course,” I sat down on the seat opposite to Yoona, with Minsoo’s stroller on my side. Minsoo fell asleep by the way.

“Junhong! Get back to work!”

All three of us jerked as the manager’s voice boomed.

“Y—yes! I’m coming,” Zelo yelled back respectfully before turning to us apologetically. “I have to go. Uhhh anyway, here’s your strawberry frappe noona.”

I gave a questioning look at Yoona, “Did you order this for me?”

She shook her head, “Nope I just ordered mine and then let Junhong decide what to give you.”

“Awwww, what a coincidence, you got my favorite, Zelo-ah,” I cooed at the younger boy. He just gulped and looked away awkwardly laughing, “Y—yeah ,I—I’ll get going then!”

When the boy was out of earshot, Yoona grinned teasingly at me, “That’s totally not a coincidence. Ohmygosh, he’s so into you.”

I rolled my eyes, “Shut up. He's just being nice.”

"Yeah, yeah keep saying that," she giggled as I sipped on my frappe. “You know who’s into you as well?”

I sighed at her nonsense but decided to get along anyway. “Who?” I raised a brow at her challengingly.

“Hongki.”

The drink spurted out of my mouth and nose. The couple beside our table simultaneously turned their heads on me. 

“,” I hissed immediately lunging for the tissue. My “best friend”, qoute and qoute, only laughed at my agony. When I finally recovered from pain and embarrassment, I gave Yoona a sharp stare that could cut her in half, “Stop talking nonsense.”

“I’m not,” she shrugged nonchalantly drinking her beverage. “Well actually it’s just a theory. But there are too many people agreeing to the theory so I decided to test it.”

“What? What the hell are you talking about? If this is some kind of a joke, it’s not funny,” I warned her with the most serious expression I ever wore in my entire life.

“I’m not joking,” she looked at me straight on the eye. “At first I thought Jaejin was joking too but that punch on Minhyuk’s face made me decide that maybe Jaejin's right.”

“I—I can’t understand.” My mind was spinning. What is she talking about?

“Just listen okay,” she leaned towards the table and patted my hand. “I know you’re too inexperience and dense to see the signs so I’m gonna try to tell you what I observe so far. You see, Jaejin told me Hongki hasn’t been going out with girls lately. And he even said that Hongki has been talking about you most of the time, he hasn’t verbally admitted that he likes you though. But that’s how he is, he might know his way around girls but he's as clueless as you are when it comes to love, confessions and signs. Can you believe he hasn’t confessed to anyone before?”

I blinked at her absorbing every details of her speech, “Actually, I do. He told me once he would never sail the tide of love.” Yes, I could still remember that. It was the night of my sister’s wedding. It was almost three years ago but I could still remember every detail of it, because it was the very first time Hongki had opened up his deep thoughts in my presence. I always replay the moment in my head, not to make me feel special or anything but to remind my sorry that he swore not to fall in love, that I will never had a chance with him.

“What? Tide of love? He said that?” Yoona grimaced judgingly.

“No, he didn’t say ‘tide of love’ exactly, just metaphorically used the word tide in comparison with love—aish! Just continue on what you’re saying!”

Yoona giggled a little before resuming her serious poise, “Did he say that recently? That tide of love thingy?”

“Nope, it was three years ago.”

“Oh my gosh and you still remember?! I bet even he can’t remember it now. I can tell he already broke that oath when he fell for y--”

“Yoona,” I said her name oh so gently she just had to stop blabbering. “Stop lifting my hopes up. I’m already accepting all the possibilities except that. Because I know, he would never fall for me. He made that clear a long time ago.”

Yoona softened. I know she could tell all this talking about him is hurting me. “Okay I’ll stop…”

“Thank you,” I smiled genuinely at her, grateful that she didn’t press on the subject. She could be persistent sometimes.

“Oh oh! By the way, Jaejin and I are official.”

“Oh real—WHAT?! And you're just telling me now?! When?!”

She grinned cheekily at me, “Last night.”

“Did you do something sinful I should know about?” I narrowed my eyes on her teasingly.

Her cheeks immediately flushed crimson, “Of course not! We’ll get there but not so fast!”

I laughed at what she said. It wasn’t fake, I’m genuinely happy for her. At least one of us has a happy love life.

“Anyway, let’s celebrate, just the two of us,” Yoona suggested eagerly. I saw a glint of mischief in her eyes but I was just so happy for her that I actually ignored it. “Sure? Right now?”

“Nope, tonight, I’ll text you where to meet up.”

“Wait, there’s no one to take care of Minsoo though,” I pouted looking over at the angel beside me.

“Don’t worry, Jaejin will take care of him.”

“Okaaay, I’ll see you tonight then.”

“Yep see you tonight!” Yoona smiled widely, I thought her lips were going to tear apart.

Okay, that’s weird.

At seven thirty in the evening I was waiting for Yoona outside Lotte World, wearing the yellow dress Jaejin has brought at home, since he was supposed to be Minsoo’s babysitter for the night.

Where the hell is she? She’s late for thirty minutes, she’s never late. And what’s with the dress anyway?

I wondered my eyes around looking for the familiar brunette that is my best friend but as I turned my head to the direction of the entrace, I saw a familiar silver hair instead. 

P.S. For my lovely readers, i finished a chapter tonight even though i have an exam first thing in the morning oh well, goodluck to me lol