A Young Boy’s Heart

Donghae step into the sunlight. Being closed in that investigation for a whole night is not something as fun as he think. He turn back give the police station another look. An ironic place he sees. He started to walk toward home.

This is a place where it suppose to be fill with justice, yet, is been filled up with corruption. Even thinking about it makes him sick and angry. Yoona must have some personal issue with Jessica. It’s fill with so much hate she want to use the chance to kill her.

Donghae pick up his feet and started running. He need to find Jessica now. It’s been a whole night. She must be hiding in some corner.

In truth, Donghae never really knew where Jessica lives. He can follow her, but this girl is strange and fast like cats. She always disappear without a trace after missions. Since Jessica moved out their house, Donghae can’t really find her until he have secret news about her missions.

He called a taxi and gave him the directions.

He passed by a supermarket and the nearby build as he reached the street where is connected to the bar that the Underground member use to go. The taxi driver gave him a look when he stop at on the end of the street. Donghae handed him the money.

“I am not a gang member.” Donghae use his charming smile to calm the taxi driver. “Just have to live near here. You know life.”

The taxi driver laughed from relief as Donghae step out the car.

As he walk towards the bar, he saw his father sitting inside. He enters. Minjoong’s eyebrow knit together as soon as he saw Donghae.

“What the are you doing here? Get the away from this area.” Minjoong cursed in a low voice.

“Have you seen Jessica?” Donghae asked straightforwardly.

“Not your bussiness to care.” Minjoong paused and raised his chin, then turn back to his seat. He pick up his drink and garble down the alcohol. One man passed by them and bow to greed Donghae and his father, but silence still remind between them.

“Have you seen her?” Donghae continue to ask.

Minjoong’s eye grew in fury, “I said not your job!”

“Where is she?” Donghae insisted, then a slap went across his face. That didn’t shut him up, “Where is...”

Slap!

Again.

“I need to see her.”

“Why are you like that? Son!” Minjoong’s voice filled up the bar. Now is only the trashy music playing in the air. Every song talks about and swear words.

“Like what?”

“Like that! She is not someone you need to know about!” Minjoong scream at him. “Don’t you dare to develop feeling for her. She is our machine. If she is broken, we have to thrown her away. This time she seems to failed her mission. We should take no part of it and let her disappear in silence.” There is a long silence followed again.

Donghae clenched his fist together and teeth tighten.

“Too late.” He lift up his head facing his father for the first time. “I want to protect her.”

Minjoong’s eyes grew wide. He wants to add another slap, but he couldn’t while staring at Donghae’s determined looks. To him his son is weak, he never stand up to his own father. That is why Minjoong got everything lay out for his son to continue a good path.

Jessica is just one of the tools for building the path, but his son had got the wrong idea.

Now he is even standing up and doing the unexpected for that monster his father had raised.

“Kick him out.” Minjoong command as he asked for another drink.

“I like her. I like her since I could remember.” Donghae screamed as he was pulled away.

Minjoong clenched on the tiny glass cup and threw it towards the counter. The glass bottle shattered on the ground and shock the whole bar into silence. He started to reconsider if Jessica, his puppet, is still functional to his plan or not.

They step out the supermarket and headed back to the apartment. Heechul is walking behind her and staring at Jessica’s back. She is carrying two plastic bag of food supplies and some medine. The thin shape of a girl is a trap to everyone’s eyes. No one will even guess she is so good at fighting.

No.

So good at killing.

Jessica suddenly stop and turn her head to the side. Her chin lift up. Her hazel eyes turn to the edge. The warm pink color of her lips shining under the sunlight.

If she wasn't an assassinator that try to kill him, he would want to be with her.

Heechul heard the heartbeat against his ears. It’s slow and steady. Then he doubted himself. He doubted the womanizer inside his body. His heart never beat for any women. Including this one.

Maybe this time is just another false alarm. Jessica is too gorgeous, that is why he had that thought of being with her.

The sunlight trace the outline of her body. Her lips moved.

“Walk closer.” She said the word calmly. He realize the distance between them can fit a car. Heechul look into her eyes. An idea sparked in his mind. He realize they had something in common. They stare at each other for a few second, then Jessica turn back and start walking.

That’s right.

They both don’t understand the definition of love. They are afraid by the word love.

One escape by sealing her heart.

One escape by expressing his heart.

Both of them want to be loved, but is too afraid to experience it.

Oh, Troilus.

Once again, you are too weak for love.

Jessica paused when she saw Donghae walking towards them. It was not something she had planned that would happen. It seems like Donghae had went to the gang area again. He is walking with his head down. Jessica try to find a place to hide, but is too late when she plan to avoid him in alley.

Donghae’s eye grew with light when he saw Jessica. In full speed, he run towards her and pull her into embrace. Jessica stays on the same spot like a stone. The plastic bags still in her hand.

She sniffed in the smell of Donghae as she lay her on shoulder. She missed her brother; however, she doesn’t want to make a big deal about it.

Donghae then pull away and checked Jessica’s body temperature. He place his right hand over her forehead and his left over his owns. He exam her body.

The sentences , “How are you feeling? Are you sick? Should I bring you to the hospital?”, never left the corner of his lips.

Suddenly, Jessica felt another hand touch against her hand. She quickly turn her eyes in that direction. Heechul pick up the plastic back from Jessica’s right hand, then the other one from the left.

“Let’s go.” He then start walking.

Donghae glanced at Heechul as he pass. Donghae’s eyes turn with anger and jealousy. Jessica kept her eyes on Donghae.

“When are you going to finish your mission?” The words sound cold and harsh.

He is the son of a gang leader. Plus, seeing all those death by following Jessica had brought out the worst in him.

“Soon.” Jessica replies. She kept her eyes on Heechul making sure he won’t walk too far from them.

“Jessica.” Donghae calling back for her attentions. Jessica look back to Donghae. “I think my father is using you.” There is a long pause between them.

“I knew.” Her calm voice speaks as the wind blow against the trees gently.

“He train you as a weapon for our family.” His brow furrowed and created folds on his forehead.

“I knew.”

“I don’t want that to happen.”

“I knew.”

Donghae’s expression slowly changes. The way Jessica answer gets him angry and worry. He grab onto her shoulder and pull her closer to him.

“I like you! Jessica! I love you more than anything!”

There is a long pause. She didn’t reply I knew. Her eyes are lock in his. She had no expression on her face.

“Donghae. You have to stop chasing after me. I am not the one you love. I am your sister that is why you love me.” Jessica push his hand off her shoulder.

Donghae’s heart sank and eyes dance around the floor. He suddenly felt so empty inside. It’s not like he didn’t know that he is not suppose to love Jessica, but sometimes thing just can not be control.

He pull out the silver gun from his suit and handed back to Jessica. “Your gun.” His eyes didn’t look at hers. He is afraid that he will lose himself.

“Keep it .” He heard her. “I will protect you Donghae.”

She pick up her steps and walked passed his shoulder, “You are my brother. My family.” The words echo by his ears and never left his mind.

It felt like his heart had been tear into pieces. But is something he had expected, if he confessed. He is just a stupid boy that can’t realize his true feeling. Donghae walked around the dark night. He never been out walking around on her own. It’s usually with Minjoong’s men or him following Jessica.

Everything feels so empty now. He enter a dark alley as he start at the bright moon. He found a place to sit.

A man never cry. He wonder who had set those stereotype on a gender. Donghae wipe the falling tears off his cheeks. His eyes on the moon. His expression calm like the dead.

Then a bottle of beer roll to him from the ground. It stopped when it bump into his shoe. Donghae picked up and looked up.

Yoona is walking towards him. She had another beer in her hand. Donghae exhale and opened the metal can.

“What now? Sleeping pills to catch me.”

Yoona rolled her eyes when Donghae said that. “I am not that mean of a person.”

“That is right. You are a liar.” Donghae sip from the edge of the metal can.

“So are you.”

There is a long silence hit them. Only the sound of the passing car are against their ear.

“You are going to give up?” Donghae looked up at Yoona who is leaning against the wall. She is wearing a dark hoodie with her hair laying neatly on both side, a very comfortable and casual look.

“No.”

“You won’t get anything from me.” Donghae lift his head and pour the drink into his mouth.

Yoona looked down playing with her gym shoe with the ground. “I really hope I don’t.” Her eyes soften. Donghae didn’t look at her and continue with his drink.

“Maybe is because I like you.” The words almost mumble out from the corner of . The sound of the horning car screaming in the air.

Donghae turn to Yoona with his eyes wide open. The moonlight shine on her face. That soft expression on her face had almost stop his heart. The expression look so familiar. Yoona turn her head looking at Donghae.

For the every first time, they looked at each other with their soul.

That is right.

He had been look at Jessica with that expression for the past 20 years.