I pretend not to feel the prickly presence beside me as I pack my bags with a deliberate slothfulness. My closet is cleared of its contents and my desk is still cluttered with some useless school papers I won’t ever need anymore.

Days ago, I phoned Top hyung and unknowingly, I broke down into tears. Maybe it’s because he’s the only adult I could truly talk to. Some part of me was devastated and desperate to be let free when Mom forced me to quit the only remnant of independence from her grasp by leaving the model agency. It felt like the end of world, when I’m finally locked into the deepest darkest hole where I’ll never see the brightness outside again. When I heard Top hyung’s voice with the little bits of injected humour within his casual words, I felt the tears begin sliding off the brim because he’s the only person that could help me out of this cage and maybe I was pathetic enough to hope he would do so. I told him I wanted to go back there. I don’t want to stay at home anymore.

And Top hyung isn’t that kind of adult to say you must listen well and adhere to rules. He told me he’d save me from that hellhole. I remember choking in laughter at the words he used. I couldn’t nod more excitedly when he said he’d do something. He immediately gave me a rope to hold on, he gave me the offer to join their foreign branch in The States. I said, “Anything, anything to let me escape from this place.”

My plans took off faster than I had expected.

I overheard the conversation between Mom and Top hyung. I knew Mom was unconvinced but she was trying to decline politely. I knew I had to do something to let myself free. After pretending for so long, I think I’ve already mastered deceiving the person I used to open up to naively. With all desperation in my tone, I begged her to let me go back to doing what I loved. I don’t really love modeling but it was good enough for my freedom.

When she started getting annoyed at my pleas, the expression of intolerance surfacing on her face, I spilled my best resort. I said, without a blink of an eye,