“I’ll talk to you when you’re home—“

The call ends without a proper goodbye and the monotonous sounds ring through my ear like a siren as the line is cut off.

“What’s wrong?”

I drop my hand, feeling a little weak in my arms as I look into Yongguk’s eyes.

“My Mom knows about us.”

“Do you want me to go up with you?” He asks with concerned eyes but I merely shake my head with my eyes fixed on the ground.

Upset. I’m upset.

“I’m scared.” I feel my lip tremble as I whisper hoarsely.

I know something bad is going to happen from the way Mom spoke through the phone. She sounds terribly angry, furious to the point where she didn’t even say goodbye. That phone call is completely different from the usual ones.

This call warns of a disaster.

And I know I’m going to be taken away from Yongguk Hyung.

“Don’t be. It’ll be fine.” He pulls me into a hug and I let myself lean onto his assuring chest. Resting my cheek on his shoulder, I take in the comforting smell of soap and familiarity on his skin and find myself trembling more to his unique scent. The feel of his shirt and the texture of his tanned skin, I don’t want to stop knowing how they feel like. But I’m afraid I might have to face reality very soon. A tear escapes from the corner of my eye and I raise my head, a little surprised. Why am I so quick to feel defeat?

I look down in embarrassment as he wipes the corner of my eyes with his thumbs, his warm hands cupping my cheeks as he smiles at me.

“It’ll be fine.” He repeats, his thumbs tracing circles on my face.

“If anything happens, I’ll be here. I’ll stay here forever.”

I stare, entranced by his gentle smile and the curve of his eyes as my vision blurs. I feel my cheeks get wetter and his fingers brush against my skin while he coaxes softly.

“Don’t cry, Zelo. Be strong.”

He gives a firm shake to my shoulders and I wipe my face dry, looking directly into his eyes as I suppress the urge to sob.

“Be strong, Zelo.”

I nod at him, feeling the small fire inside me feeding on his words of encouragement. But the thought of bleak outcomes dampen my hopes and the flame shrinks.

“Hyung, I… what if I can’t stay with you anymore.”

The way my voice cracks makes myself shrink in embarrassment and helplessness. Why am I so weak?

“It won’t happen. Think positive Zelo. Look how my Dad responded to us.” He laughs and I feel a little hope. I squeeze out a smile, weak and trembling but none more genuine and he grins back brightly.

The pupils of his eyes are a pure black and I find myself inside the swirls of his melted orbs, enchanted by how I am standing in the reflection of his eyes.

“Don’t be scared Zelo. I’ll be here, right beside you.” He speaks quietly as if he was whispering to the fluttering moths above us and I close my eyes to his calming voice. “Even if you’d be taken away, I’ll find you. I won’t let you go.”

I look into his eyes and found the security I never had.

“I’m not going to back away again.”

I take in his words, vow that I would remember them forever silently and nod at him with newfound determination before hugging him one last time.

We bade our goodbyes as I step into the lift, ready to face the consequence, this time on my own. I’m scared and uncertain and I’m afraid I will turn weak at the most important times. But I keep telling myself this is not going to be the end. I’m not going to let it be.

I’m not going to give up the best thing I’ve ever had in my life.

I unlock the door and prepare myself for the confrontation and interrogation. The lights are in the living room, leaking out from the gaps underneath the door. I find myself scoffing at the miserable fact that my mom is not home to see me and ask me how my day went like how she used to, but only to take away what I want, need so dearly.

The door opens with the sounding of the latch and my chest sinks at the ominous silence ringing like a siren in my ears. I avoid the eyes of my mother sitting on the couch as I put down my keys and took off my shoes, pretending everything was just as usual. The menacing air around her is nearly suffocating as I walk closer towards her. She is still dressed in her work clothes, hair a little messy in a bun and her bag is set on the table, strangely out of place.

“Come and sit down.”

I obey quietly, trailing my eyes on the white tiles as I sit down on the chair beside the couch, putting a distance between the two of us.

I wait for her to start.

“Your teacher called me.”

Mr Choi.

“He told me about what happened in school.”

Why did he?

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

How am I supposed to tell you?

The silence drags on as I keep my silence, unwilling to meet her eyes and unwilling to say a word.

“Zelo.”

I turn away.

“What happened? It was a misunderstanding right? Mom doesn’t believe what your teacher said. It must be a prank by your friends in school, right?”

She reaches over and holds my hand but I shy away, feeling strange discomfort when she touched me.

It felt almost... hypocritical.

I can feel the anger rising when I pulled away from her but I can’t find myself to say anything. I stare at the clock on the wall, watching the silent second hand move languidly.

“Zelo, tell me what happened. Hmm?”

She takes my hand again and this time I didn’t shy away. She holds onto me firmly, as if coaxing me to speak.

I meet our eyes and she nods encouragingly. I stare at the vague smile on her lips and I can’t help but feel sorry like I did something wrong.

But I didn’t.

The look in her eyes wanted me to tell her something that will oppose whatever her son’s teacher said and tell her everything was just a misunderstanding and that her son is perfectly normal, a normal teenage boy who has nothing she needs to worry about.

But she is wrong. So completely wrong.

I’ll have to break her heart but I don’t have enough inside me to not do it.

I need to tell her.

I don’t want to lie to myself.

“It’s