The wind rushes pass his ears in a violent rustle as he goes down the sloping roadside, with no other care in the world, riding furiously on his bicycle, the hood of his jacket flying behind him. His doesn’t care if the passers-by shot him glares full of detest neither does he care about the hollers hurled at him. He whiz pass the busy stores, pedaling on his bike, running away, escaping from the one who claimed to care about him the most but also hurt him as much.

>>>>>>>> 

“Where are you going again?”

Yongguk didn’t answer. He pulled his shirt over his head, grabbed his jacket and raced down the spiral stairs.

Like how his mother did ten years ago.

A sharp pain stabbed his heart when he recalled his mother’s flight, away from this home that no longer felt like one. How funny that he was doing the same.

“Bang Yongguk!” The yell from upstairs made him flinched slightly but he never stopped one bit. He grabbed the keys from the couch and went to the door, sat down and pulled on his sneakers, tying the burden shoelaces that delayed his exit. He was dying to get out.

“Stop where you are. Don’t you dare get out again! You are grounded!”

Yongguk turned a deaf ear to the voice shaking with anger as he tugged on the troublesome shoelaces. He had grown immune to his father’s yelling and commands he thought made no sense. ‘It’s no wonder Mom left.’ He thought.

He pulled the door open forcefully and took a step out before he was stopped by another shout, this time much closer to him. His father stood in the living room, jaw tight with anger.

“Don’t you dare take another step out.”

The words came out hard and forceful and they made Yongguk’s heart went cold. Since when did words from a father to his son became so emotionless they felt like commands to a slave?

Yongguk gritted his teeth and slammed the door shut behind him.

>>>>>>> 

The busy streets passed him and he rides on the quiet lanes, feeling the wind touch his face and run through his hair, allowing him to abandon all thoughts in his mind. Finally, his mind shuts itself out. He doesn’t want to think anymore. He turns around a corner, picking up speed again and he heads to the place he always goes to when his heart is in a mess. Even his heartbeats feel erratic now.

The white sand and waves come into view, applying a calming effect to Yongguk immediately. He loves the sea and the soft sand. They give him peace when his heart is in a mess. He stops at his usual spot, letting his bike rest on the grainy sand while he steps closer to the waves, sitting down where the waves can only come close to his feet when he sits down with his knees brought up to his chest. He gazes across the sea, glittering in the sun’s rays. The clouds cover the skies and a cool breeze whispers in his ear. He listens to the gentle washing of waves as he stares at the horizon, wondering where it ends.

Someday, he’s going to leave the house and live outside. Thanks to Zelo, he enjoyed escapes from home with a shelter over his head. When he was desperate, he just loitered on the streets, anywhere he can go but not the large empty house he calls home. He can’t stand the torture anymore. Especially at night when the darkness takes over and nobody is at home. When he was still little, the nights are scary, so lonely it was scary. He called but the one on the other side of the phone always said he was busy. He learned not to bother anymore. He was a prideful boy. There were times he wanted so much to plead Maria not to leave and stay with him but his pride didn’t allow him to. He bade goodbye each night and after the door shut, he starts war with the hollow feeling gnawing inside of him. The quietness was too much to take. It was so loud it rang like an annoying chime.

Eventually Yongguk can no longer fear the loneliness. But sometimes he wonders if he really turned immune or is it just habituation. He scoffs. How sad, that at his age he should be leading a happy childhood but ever since that day, he starts living the fight with loneliness. That man he calls father, claims to care about him but Yongguk can’t feel anything from him. He was never there. He is still never here. All day long he works and works and at night he works as well. There’s seems nothing else in the world other than work to him. All he does is get busy, stuck in his company all day. He probably sees his clients more than he sees his own son. Yongguk clenches his teeth.

Is this what he means to him? Lesser than his company? If he loves it so much, he might as well just let him be, why try to control him when he doesn’t even have time to see his face! Yongguk kicks the sand beneath him. He only comes home to scold him, lecture him, criticizing his friends by calling them “delinquents”, “gangsters” and people who will “ruin his life” Who is ruining his life? Those delinquents and gangsters he called gave him companionship when he was feeling like he was the only one in the world, he might as well be orphaned. He hates how his mother left him and took Yongnam away but he hates even more, the fact that his mother’s leaving was because of that cold, heartless workaholic.

What did he do wrong? Why must he suffer any longer?

He wants to escape. He needs to escape before the walls in his room close in on him.

>>>>>>>>>>> 

“Eat more, Zelo.”

Zelo nods as a pair of chopsticks places a piece of barbequed pork into his bowl. He accepts the food and chews on the well-seasoned piece of meat. Despite how tantalizing the food is, Zelo tastes blandness on his tongue. He bites on his food, putting small mouthfuls of rice into his mouth as he dutifully finishes the food placed into his bowl like a good son.

“You should eat more. You’re too skinny for a growing boy. Here.”

A different pair of chopsticks places another piece of meat into his bowl just when he finally swallowed the last piece of pork he thought he couldn’t stomach anymore. He sighs inwardly but nods with thanks nevertheless. He pokes at the piece of meat in his bowl and pretends to chew on rice as he steals a quick glance at the two sitting in front of him.

It has been so long since he last saw his mother. How long was it? 2 weeks? That’s really long for a sixteen-year old boy who just tasted independence. Excited and grateful that he can finally see his mother for so long, Zelo is also accompanied by disappointment when he saw the man emerging from the train station alongside his mother. Even though he was constantly being offered pieces of meat by his mother’s partner, there is still this distance between them and it makes Zelo uncomfortable. Zelo fidgets slightly in his seat as he thinks of the awkwardness between the two of them. He was never a sociable or outspoken child but this time, Zelo doesn’t blame himself for the weird atmosphere. That man is indeed a stranger. And Zelo still bears grudges against him for taking his mother away, and so suddenly and abruptly too.

“Wae? Full already? Finish your soup.” Zelo looks up at his mother and then obediently picks up his soup bowl and downs the soup down his throat, trying to avoid feeling the unfamiliar pair of eyes looking at him.

Zelo hates this feeling. He can’t even be himself when he is with his mother. If only that man didn’t come along. Why did he have to come along? Zelo groans inwardly as he drinks the radish soup, his stomach taking in the last load it can take for the night.

Zelo was delighted when he heard his mother’s voice over the phone, telling him that they are going to have dinner together. But she didn’t specify who are ‘they’. Zelo feels cheated. He sighs at his mother’s attempt to bring the two of them closer together but he is extremely bothered and a tinge irritated with being placed in such an uncomfortable situation.

They leave the restaurant with bloated stomachs and strolls to the train station. Zelo walks with purposeful sloth just to prolong the time he can spend with his mother. He feels his mother’s hand the back of his head, running through the locks of his hair. She needs to stretch her hand up just to touch his head and Zelo smiles at that.

“Do you eat regularly? Don’t go eating just instant noodles just because you’re lazy to cook. At least get takeaway, okay?”

Zelo nods and smiles while a warm feeling spread inside his chest.

“Is your allowance enough?”

Zelo nods.

His mother takes his hand in both of hers, it as they stroll through the crowd. Zelo feels like it’s only the two of them, walking among the many people here. Even though they are anonymous amongst these people, Zelo feels contented that the both of them care about each other’s existence and that is enough.

But that warming feeling is soon ceased when they reach the train station, descending down the stairs Zelo dreads so much. He doesn’t want to go home so soon because that would mean saying goodbye to his mother. But at the same time he doesn’t want to act like a dependent child whining for company. He needs to be strong even though he is tempted to squeeze the hand holding his tightly right now and never let go.

The people in the station are packed like sardine fishes, and Zelo holds on tightly to his mother’s hand, afraid of a passer-by pushing them apart. He remembers the feeling when his mother’s hand slipped from his own. It was one of the scariest feeling in his childhood.

“I’ll send you home first.” Zelo’s mother smiles at him warmly. He glances at the man standing beside them quietly, not speaking a word ever since they left the restaurant. He is grateful for the man whom he has to call uncle for giving him and his mother their personal space and time but another side of him says ‘he is just guilty for snatching Mom away.’

During the train ride, Zelo thinks of the short time he spent with his mother today, feeling the warm hand in his own. He knows one day he has to completely let go of this hand he held since he was so small and tiny. Even though he has grown so much, that hand will always fit into his perfectly and he wouldn’t ever wish to let it go. This strange tug-of-war he has inside him won’t go away. One side of him wishes his mother the best; It should be time she starts living her own life without having to live her life for a son that burdened her for so long. But another side of him is still a child who wants and needs support. He isn’t ready to take on independence but independence was pushed onto him. He feels like a baby bird forced to take flight on its own, with its undeveloped wings, struggling hard to keep him in the air without crashing down to hit the floor. But maybe those wings are just underdeveloped because they never had the need to fly. Zelo stares at the familiar face besid