:: Minho 

People say that running away from your problems is not the way out, right? I believed that too, but then why do I feel like the only way to get out of this mess is to run away? Nothing seems to be going my way now. With Jinri gone, with my dad going hysteric of me not picking up his calls, I'd say running away is the best thing to do. 

Then there's always a little doubt that doesn't hesitate to creep into your mind. That voice behind your mind telling you your a coward for running away. Tell me, what would you do, if you were in my shoes? 

The swing creaked as I shifted in my position. Raindrops fell on the top of my head, but I don't really care. Not anymore. It was not long ago that I realise that running away is not the best solution. In the end, I would only hurt myself even more, because consequences comes along with running away from reality. He, the one who claims me as his son, would take her further away from me and destroy our bond. He, would do just anything, to make me forget her. 

Faint footsteps from the distance woke me up from my trance and back into reality, the sound of rain continued paddling onto puddles nearby and I lift my head, to face what could be my worst nightmare of all. 

"Choi Minho." Cold, icy eyes stared into my own, penetrated into my whole being. I felt shivers creeping up my spine. I trembled. My throat was closed up. I was alive, but barely breathing. Fear washed over me like a bucket of cold water. 

"Get up." 

"No." 

"Minho," his voice softens a little as he looks into my eyes. I hated the fact that his eyes are a reflection of mine. They're exactly the same. 

"Minho, I've packed everything you need. I booked a business class for you too. Your flight is taking off the day after tomorrow. Early in the morning. Be a good boy and come home, would you?" Lies. Lies. Lies. Sure, he cares for me, but he cares about what I become in the future more than what I want to be. I knew exactly what he's going to do. It wasn't as if I had no clue. As soon as he told me I was going to leave the states soon, my mind began brainstorming the reasons for this sudden decision. 

First, my dad never liked the fact that I liked singing and wanted to pursue a singing career. He didn't stop me from singing, but he would do anything to stop me from becoming what I've always dreamed to be. When I was small he'd tell me he pictured me in a smart suit with slick dark hair, solving cases and bringing justice to this world in the future - a lawyer. 

Second, Jinri. 

Third, both. 

Jinri. That name rang in my head multiple times, threatening to mark its territory in my mind, my heart. Maybe it already did.

Then it suddenly dawned upon me that I might not be coming back at all. Knowing my father, if the reason is both Jinri and also because he wants me to be a lawyer, it would benefit him to leave me there even after I finish my studies. This isn't right. What happens to Jinri after she's released? Would we ever meet again? 

Simply at the thought of her, all the memories were triggered. It all rushed back. It brought me a headache. 

The warmth of her hug. Her pink plump lips. Her delicate fingers intertwined with mine. 

"Minho?" 

"Stop!" I yelled. Tears brimmed my eyes, threatening to fall. 

"Son, are you-" 

"Stop! Just please stop. Getaway!" My headache got worse as I got even more emotionally unstable. I'm not ready to go. I love Jinri. 

"Minho!" My vision was blurring. I saw a faint image of my dad fumbling around with his phone and calling someone. The next thing I know, I was carried away. But before I was put in a car, I saw her. 

Perhaps I was hallucinating at that time, I don't know, but I saw her. She was standing in the rain with nothing but a white dress and a scarf. The scarf she used to wrap around my injured hand last time. 

I still have it. 

The day I first met Jinri was the funniest day in history. She was too innocent for my liking, so I decided to a little by saying I would print the pages of her diary. Call me a devil, a bully, whatever, but I do still respect other peoples' privacy. I never read it. 

I had find it perculiar that she was such a gullible person. I've never met someone quite like that in my life before. But maybe fate knew this, and had us cross paths. Because although I never really admit it to myself, I enjoyed being around someone as innocent as Jinri. My world that was usually dark and haunted with past memories was lit up.  There was just this indescribable joyful feeling I have that tells me that I can live without my past, that whatever's happened happened, and that I can't turn back time.

When that joyous feeling I had around her became something I almost could not survive without, I knew. 

I knew I've fallen too deep. 

"What do I do,mom?" I reached out and embraced my mom. I took in her scent. Oh, how I missed her. How I missed the days we were together. 

"What's the matter, Minho?" She looked down at me and smiled her angelic smile. I buried my face in the crook of her neck. 

"I love her, mom. I love her so, so much. How can I leave her?" That question cost me a tear. 

"Separation is something you cannot avoid in life, Minho-yah. Without it, our relationships won't grow stronger. It makes the heart grow fonder,my dear," she murmured, "Just like you and me. Our hearts are still connected though I'm not with you anymore, right?" 

She looked at me with those eyes and I knew she knew. She knew I've been tormenting myself with my past memories eversince she was gone. Her eyes told me that it wasn't right for me to do that. It then struck me.

It's time to let go. It's time to forgive myself... And let it go. 

An hour later, I woke up with a smile on my face, somehow. I looked around me. I'm in my room. I'm glad my dad hadn't taken me to the hospital already. There was a light feeling inside me, as if all the burden all this while has been lifted from my shoulders. It felt surprisingly good. 

I no longer feel hatred towards my father. I don't feel hatred towards myself. I've let go. 

I've forgave. 

"Hey man, how's it going?" A loud crash was heard on the other line before a few other voices was heard on the phone as well. 

"Hey Minho! Where've you been?" They said in unison. I laughed for the first time in a long while. These guys are honestly the best friends I'll ever have. 

"Not too bad. I'm still hanging on," I said, "sorry I haven't been keeping in touch with you guys." 

"Oho, did you guys hear that?" Jonghyun exclaimed, "the devil just apologised to us!" 

"That is the last time I would do that," I rolled my eyes, "listen up guys, I need you to do me a favour before I leave." 

"I am here to visit a friend of mine." I told the man sitting behind a desk in front of me. 

"Name?" He seemed a little annoyed, though I could care less. 

"Choi Jinri." He typed something on the computer then stood up with his keys dangling on his belt. 

"Come with me." 

I waited for her to arrive as I sat down on the plastic chair assigned for me. To my left is a row of visitors talking to their friends and loved ones through the telephone. On the opposite side is the row of prisoners. They are separated by a clear glass panel so they cannot touch each other. I am right at the end. 

I was looking down on my lap when I felt someone's presence near me. I looked up. 

My breathing stopped for a moment. She smiled despite the fact that her eyes were watery, probably upon seeing me. Jinri... Oh, Jinri. 

I took the telephone at the same time as she did. I listenined to her breathing, gentle and soft. 

Finally, she broke the silence. 

"Minho..." She was about to say something, but she choked on her tears. 

"Shh, don't cry. It's alright." She nodded her head. 

"I know, it's just, it's so good to see you again." I smiled. 

"Me too, Jinri," I said, "I love you. I want you to know that." 

"I love you too," she whispered. "I know I deserve this, and I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I learned to forgive myself." 

"Honestly, I did the same too." I laughed. "Life has taught us so much, hasn't it?" She nodded in agreement. 

"Listen, Jinri. I need to tell you something important," I paused before continuing, "I'm leaving tomorrow for Oxford to further my studies." 

"What?" She was surprised. 

"I've only recently knew this as well, from my father. I'll be studying law because it's what he thinks is best for me. But I'm here to promise you, that I would come back for you." 

"Promise," she whispered. 

"This is a promise that I would not break, Jinri. I will think of you. I will remember your name and the memories we created together, always. I'm not saying this to make us feel better, because we both know it isn't. But I will embrace that all the same," I started crying, "I will embrace every single moment we had and bring it with me to Oxford, I'll hold it dearly in my heart. I will embrace my fate. I will do that, because I-" we were both crying rivers now, "because I love you. I love you so, so much." 

She raised her hand and placed it on the glass separating us, and I did the same. She smiled through her tears and nodded. 

"I'll do the same too, always. Until you come back again." 

A guard came and informed me that it's time to go. My time is up. I put down the telephone. A tear followed by another trickled down her cheeks as I stand up to go. 

I love you. She mouthed. 

"Seperation is something you cannot avoid in life, Minho-yah. Without it, our relationships won't grow stronger. It makes the heart grow fonder."