“In the harsh storm

I let you go

But you don’t even know…”

 

---

 

After Siwon half dragged me back to my room and left me alone because I screamed at him to do so, I began to search my room robotically.

There must be a letter.

He couldn’t have just left me without a word.

My Hyukkie would never do such a cruel thing to me.

But. Nothing.

There was really nothing.

I collapsed onto the cold hard floor and started to sob. The reality of it all finally sank into me.

My chest hurt so much, so this was what it felt like when someone said their hearts are shattering.

 

I couldn’t breathe as I curled myself on the floor, hugging my knees, choking on my tears, fighting the gripping pain in my chest as I trembled uncontrollably.

A loud thunder sounded just outside and flashbacks of how Hyukjae and i first met came to my mind.

The memories torturing me. Haunting me.

 

Stabbing my heart again and again with every piece of memory that came.

 

How he held the umbrella over me.

 

How he fed me.

 

How he first flashed his gummy smile at me.

 

And I had thought he looked so beautiful.

 

He had given me this life. Everything. 

I looked out of the window.

Rain.

I inhaled sharply and dashed out of my room. I ran down the stairs and went straight out of the house.

The heavy rain drenching me immediately. The cold biting right into my skin.

'Hyukkie!' I yelled. Holding my wrist, I grabbed the bracelet tightly, hardly believing this was our only connection now.

Where are you Hyukkie?

You found me in the rain. You will find me again right?

'Come back here Hyukkie!!! I’m here! Can you see me?' I yelled into the midst of pouring rain.

A strong pair of arms engulfed me from the back and for a short moment i thought my Hyukkie is back.

That everything was just a sick joke.

'Don't do this Hae...'

It was Siwon.

I started shaking my head violently and tried to struggle out of his embrace.

'Hyukkie hasn't left! He is just playing a prank on us!!!'

'Stop it Haeee... H-he's gone...'

'NO!!!!' I snapped harshly, 'Let go of me! I can find him! LET GO!!!'

He continued to hold me tight as the heavy rain pour relentlessly upon us. The thunder sounding loud and angry. Mirroring my emotions.

I lost track of time as we simply stood there in the rain. I did not know when I had stopped struggling as Siwon continued holding me, trying to shield me from the rain with his much bigger body.

I have always loved the rain. It has always been a favourite for both Hyukjae and I.

 

I remembered the times when I would drag him out to play together in the rain as our own secret celebration of him finding me.

But since this moment, i hate it more than anything else.

 

Hyukjae had once given me everything. But he took everything away as well.

 

Why must you do this to me. To us.

 

Lee Hyukjae.

 

I promised. In this heavy rain I promised.

 

I hate you. And I will always hate you.
 

---

 

I had no idea what was Siwon muttering about as I lay on my bed with my eyes shut.

 

No matter what it was. The hard truth was that he left me. He left me without a word.

 

‘His mum was sick. Very sick. And I heard her husband seemed to be conning her hard earned money. Hae… I believed he would come back once he had made sure his mum is well. Please, please just talk to me… Just look at me Hae.’

 

‘He could have just told me can’t he?’ Why couldn’t he? And why did he have to use me like this.

 

Taking my ity and leaving immediately the next day without a word.

 

Being so cruel to me.

 

Me.

 

I thought he loved me.

 

Then why did he do this to me?

 

Siwon sighed deeply, ‘I think he couldn’t bear it himself. He couldn’t stand to see you crumble in front of him. I think he couldn’t leave if he sees you like this Hae. And he really had to leave.’

 

I opened my eyes.

 

‘I hate him.’ I stated icily.

 

‘Hae---‘

 

‘I will never forgive him.’

 

Last night never should have happened.

 

It was the greatest mistake I had ever made in my life.

 

---

 

I didn't even understand how i survived the next few days.

I never shed a tear since the day he left. Not anymore.

He didn't deserve anything from me anymore.

Not even my tears.

I still couldn't believe he would leave without a single word.

I kept telling myself he wouldn't do this to me.

But that was exactly what he did.

Back in school, I realised Kyuhyun was staring intently at me and i looked up.

'Donghae let's hang out later. Heechul is throwing a party tonight!' He said.

I shook my head at him and returned back to my books.

'Come on! It will be fun!!! And besides Siwon is out with Sooyoung celebrating some nonsense anniversary tonight. How bored would you be? Just come and have fun!' Kyuhyun continued excitedly.

 

My heart clenched painfully. Of course i would be bored. I had practically no one else now. He had left me.

But thankfully, other than Siwon, Kyuhyun had been my other strength of support. Never once had they mentioned that man's name anymore and they tried all they could to keep me accompany and line up actives for me.

I know they are trying to fill the void that Hyukjae had left.

But I am still empty inside.

'Hae? I am going to die if you reject me. Heechul will so kill me if he didn’t see you tonight.' He started tugging on my arm and whined, 'Please Hae... Just come with me. Pleaseeee....'

I sighed and nodded.

 

Nothing else matters anymore after all.

---