Twenty Two
Shadow of You
'Kyu you scared me!' Hae jumped.
'Doing something naughty Hae?'
Hae smirked, 'Always.'
Kyu stopped smiling. This wasn't the real Hae.
'What are you doing?'
Hae turned back to the drawers in the large kitchens, 'Looking for my pills. But... I think Wonnie hid them.'
Kyu strode forward, 'Hae stop eating that! I thought you stopped!'
'Hey calm down... Do you want to wake Wonnie?'
Kyu sighed and grabbed Hae's shoulders, 'Don't take it anymore.'
'Ok ok.' Hae closed the drawers, 'Happy now?'
Kyu merely pursed his lips. Somehow the victory was won too easily this time.
Hae leaned forward and pecked his cheeks.
'Now, if you'd excuse me I have a hot man in my bed to get back to. Goodnight Kyu baby!'
Kyu frowned as he followed Hae's retreating back up the stairs.
It didn't feel right at all.
---
Hae padded back to his bedroom. Siwon still sound asleep on the bed.
But still, he kept as quiet as possible as he went into the bathroom and closed the door gingerly.
Walking to the sink he bent down and looked behind.
A clear ziplock bag was hidden there and he retrieved the contents inside.
His backup stash of pills.
Picking up 4 pills he swallowed them with some tap water.
It's either these or alcohol again.
Only these 2 could make him sleep.
The good thing about the pills were that they really made him sleep. Unlike alcohol, that would sometimes bring up old forgotten hateful memories.
But the bad thing about the pills was that it's easy to rely and get addicted to it. And increasing the dosage until it became dangerous.
However he really needed these tonight. Especially what he had been through the day.
The pills were soon taking effect and he went back to bed. Curling himself into Siwon's arms and waited for sleep to claim him.
---
Kyu wasn't feeling good at all.
He was drumming his finger impatiently on the desk as he and his bandmates waited for that big shot to arrive.
He couldn't help but fear right now.
What game was that man playing? Requesting to join their agency and collaborate with his band?
He would fight till the end.
He couldn't let him have the chance to use and hurt Hae anymore.
'Hey Kyu, relax! We know he's a big star and all but hey, so are we!' Ryeowook said beside him.
'His hair is nice.' Yesung commented at the other side.
Kyu's temper flared, 'Nothing is nice about him!'
'Kyu.' Ryeowook was shocked.
Just then the door opened and all three pairs of eyes turned to it.
Their agency's director strolled in first and then there, that man, Lee Sungmin walked in with head lowered and finally, Hyukjae was the last to come into the conference room. His face devoid of any expression.
'So, I would like to introduce--'
'We know who they are and we refused this project.' Kyu interrupted the director and stood up.
'Kyuhyun--' Hyukjae spoke.
'No. I don't want to. We don't want to.' Kyu stormed out the room, hitting Sungmin's shoulder hard as he did so, sending the smaller guy stumbling back.
Kyu saw Hyukjae quickly steadying him and directed his fierce gaze to Sungmin.
He lost it then.
'Why can't the both of you just ing go back to where you came from!' He turned back and slammed the door hard on his way out.
Stop hurting Hae anymore.
---
Hae was arranging Siwon's desk as the latter went for a routine weekly meeting.
He was actually the man's personal assistant. What was ironic was that he assisted nothing at all.
Because of his almost nightly parties and late nights out, he was often late for work or missed it entirely. Other than Teuk's occassional outbursts for him to grow up, there had been nothing else.
Siwon was always patient with him. Indulging him with all that he could.
Yet Hae couldn't even give him anything back.
Nothing.
He had nothing to give since long ago.
Or maybe, he never had.
Which was why he was always being abandoned.
Left behind.
There was just something, something that he lacked which made people leave him. Throw him away.
He was a stray since birth. Unwanted by his own parents.
Even he tried his hardest to be good, his foster parents hated and abused him.
When all hope seemed to be gone, he was picked up and given a shelter again.
But everything had just been an illusion.
In an instance, his true identity as a stray would always be found out.
He was never wanted by anybody, ever.
There was no point in being good and please everyone anymore. For his entire 16 years that was what he had been doing and where had it gotten him?
So Hae had learned to let go and just enjoy the moment. Because whatever it was, it never lasted. Nothing would ever last. And that was exactly the way he learned to like it.
Maybe this was truly the real him.
He should never have pretended to be someone he is not.
Pretending to belong when he was unwanted.
Pretending to be owned when he was just a stray.
Since 8 years ago he realized this simple truth and he didn't want to pretend anymore.
He just wanted to enjoy.
For all these while, he kept convincing himself of one thing.
That he truly did.
---
A/N: Soon... Soon... Give me couple more chapters and the fun should begin... ;)
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