Five

“No, you don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night
And longs to kiss your lips
And longs to hold you tight…”

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Hyukjae seemed kind of off ever since he came back. His mum was still in Seoul, but Hyukjae was staying here tonight.

He was still his smiley self but somehow I felt that it seemed kind of forced.

'Hyukkie do you want this?' I grabbed a drumstick.

'No you eat it.'

'But you haven't been eating much. Take this.' I put the piece of chicken in his plate. Noticing that he was slowly becoming thinner, his cheekbones more pronounced these days.

He smiled slightly and started eating.

'Unfair! Me! Donghae feed me too.' Siwon started complaining.

I laughed and began to pick out a chicken wing for Siwon but Hyukjae's fork immediately found the meat and poked it.

He placed the wing on my plate.

'Hey what's that for? That's my favourite part!' Siwon exclaimed, pointing his fork at the wing on my plate.

Hyukjae poked his fork into a meat and place it on Siwon's plate.

'There you go. Less fat for you since you are training.' Hyukjae laughed as Siwon’s jaw dropped.

'Ganging up on me huh?' Siwon stared offendedly at the piece of lean meat on his plate.

'Wonnie, I can share mine with you.' I offered.

'No Hae. You need to eat more. Don't share.' Hyukjae said.

'But Hyukkie I’m not that hungry.'

Siwon sniggered at his place and lifted his plate to my direction.

I cut the wings and gave him his favourite part as he grinned.

'Hae Hae loves me the most. I win this time Hyuk!'

'Childish.' Hyuk scoffed and brought his plate upstairs, back to his room.

I looked at Siwon questioningly but he simply shrugged and started eating.

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- Hyukjae’s POV -

I had no idea what had gotten into me to make me leave the dining table.

I knew Siwon was only joking when he said Hae loves him the most but I simply didn’t like it.

I never knew how or why I became the way I am now. It seemed the longer time I spent with Donghae, the more possessive I grew.

As we began to grow up, I had even started to find Siwon’s constant presence around us slightly annoying. Why should I share Donghae’s attention with him?

I was the one who found him.

He belonged to me.

When I first found him, he was so reserved, so afraid and wary of everyone. All except me. And that was what made me happy each day. To know that I am needed by this kid daily.

He wouldn’t even let anyone near him unless it was me.

He would only sleep with me at night. And we would talk about ourselves, share our dreams together and cuddled to sleep together.

But things began to change slowly when Donghae started to open himself to Siwon. He would pull Siwon into our room and it suddenly became the three of us on the bed.

The three of us chatting together, playing together, doing everything together.

That slowly changed me.

I didn’t like it a bit. But I learned to live with it.

I can have Siwon as my friend. Why couldn’t I let Donghae? I shouldn’t be selfish. That was what I had been reminding myself.

It wasn’t that I disliked Siwon. No way. We grew up together, he was like my brother.

But once the opportunity arises, I began to complain that Siwon was growing too tall and too big too fast to continue to squeeze together with us in bed. And it was back to just Donghae and me both again.

I never understood all of these.

What everything meant.

Until I had to go away when my mum remarried in New York.

I missed Donghae so terribly with every single cell inside me. Longing to see his toothless grin, his somewhat weird sounding laughter, those beautiful eyes of his, that thin lips, and longing to feel how he would always cling to my side. I just wanted to be together with him every moment.

And when I saw the bracelet in New York, I knew I had to get a pair for us both. I even used up all my savings for that.

But what did I get when I came back.

Hearing Siwon telling me that Donghae had been sneaking into his room because he missed me too much.

And when Siwon had commented that it had been a couple bracelet Donghae had quickly said that we were not a couple.

He said that we were just…

Best friends.

I hated those two words.

We are ing not best friend. Hell no.

It was then that I realised.

Right from the start, it was never just friendship on my part.

I was in deep .

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