“Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned…”

Hyukjae’s POV

- New York -

I watched as my mum drifted back to sleep before padding slowly out of her room.

Now in a seedy apartment trying to hide away from the man she had had the poor judgement to fall for and married to, we had no choice but to keep a low profile now.

That man would haunt us if we didn’t hide. Thinking that was more money for him.

That man, that bastard, he made my mum made poor investment choices in his companies and we ended heavily in debt.

The trauma of it all had finally gotten to my mum and she had taken ill. Her weight drastically reduced in just a matter of weeks and I only found that out when I went New York and had to extend my one week’s stay to two.

Even after Siwon’s dad helped us out of the debts, we found that we still had to look where we spend now. Life definitely wasn’t like before.
 

And if I had a choice I would have remained in Seoul. But I didn’t have any.

My family, my mum, she needed me. She was my closest kin. I was all that she had.

No matter how badly I tried to deny it, deep inside I knew I really had to leave.

We need to do this on our own now. I have to be strong for my mum and I, for the both of us.

But...

There was someone else back in Seoul.

Donghae.

The first time when i had blurted to him about me leaving, my heart broke when his tears fell.

I couldn't leave. How could I? How could I leave when he already had my entire heart?

But I had to.

And maybe i could do it, I could at least make it hurt lesser for him somehow.

He never knew of my feelings for him and it was best it remained that way.

So the day before i left i went to him with a plan in mind. I could make him hate me, or better, fear me.

I tried to make him be disgusted with me.

I kissed him. Kissed him like i had always so badly wanted to.

But strangely. He let me. Donghae let me.

Instead of pushing me away and looking at me with a look of disgust like I had expected, he had kissed me back.

He actually kissed me.

And i nearly sobbed at that as i couldn’t hide my feelings anymore and made love to him.

I knew what would the outcome be yet I still did it knowingly.

I wanted him to hate me so much that he would want me to leave wasn’t it?

And that was what exactly happened.

Except that along with this hate, comes with his hurt and pain.

 
I wanted to stay.

I wanted to ask him to wait for me.

I wanted him to wait damn it.

But i had done enough damage. I couldn’t give him any more promises that i wasn’t even sure if I could ever fulfil.

What I could only do now was to let him go.

Free him.

In the end what I could only do for him was, free him.

I was already being so cruel to him by leaving after what I did, I couldn’t tie him down. No matter what a bastard I am I couldn’t do it to him. I couldn’t bring myself to damage him anymore.

Hurt will pass with time. But not hope.

If I gave him any more hope, only for him to later realise I had to break it all again, he would be damaged beyond repair.

At least he still has everything else. Siwon, his dad and mum, Kyuhyun, Heechul, and all the friends in school.

I had to believe he would be fine. They would make him fine.

I had to believe that in order for me to move on. In order for me not to die as fast as I would have on the inside.

I clenched my fist and clamped down on the deep hurt I felt. Maybe before long, my absence wouldn't be felt any longer.

But maybe.

Maybe.

One day.

Maybe one day I could finally come back to him.

After I had fulfilled what I came here for, maybe I could return to him.

And trust me.

When that day comes he would be mine no matter what or who stands in the way.

---

Donghae’s POV

- Seoul -

I found Siwon waiting for me downstairs.

I didn’t know if it was because of my headache but i found Siwon seemed to be averting his gaze whenever our eyes met.

Something was wrong with him.

'Hae you are up! We need to hang out more soon.' Heechul walked over and slung an arm over me.

'No Heechul. No more alcohol for Hae.' Siwon cut in curtly as he dragged me away.

Heechul faked a yawn, 'I am seriously so sick of you. How in the world could Hae stand you? You are no fun at all. At all.'

'Heechul, thanks for inviting me but I am really regretting drinking last night. My head hurts like now.' I said quickly as soon as i saw Siwon opening his mouth.

I felt Siwon stiffened beside me at what I said. His hold on my wrist loosened immediately and he started to back away from me before he seemed to catch himself and stood where he was.

I turned to look at him. Confused over his actions and his eyes averted away from mine again.

What the heck.

'Whatever. Just come to me if you ever want to get away from your colourless little world. I will show you what a colourful world it is out there my cute Hae.' Heechul said with a smile.

'You can continue wishing. But that won't happen.' Siwon said and took my wrist again. Leading me out of the house.

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