"Why you hurt me, leave me, and desert me?

I gave you all my heart and all you do is tear it up."

---

 

Hyukjae’s POV

 

I sobbed in the bathroom, clamping both hands over my mouth as my body trembled uncontrollably.

 

I couldn’t make any sound now. No I couldn’t.

 

I thought of Donghae who was sleeping so soundly and peacefully in my bed and could only cry harder.

 

Hurts… It hurts so much, too much. My heart just felt too painful right now. It felt as if I might faint any time. The pain was too real, too unbearable, too heavy for me to handle.

 

Sorry… Sorry…

 

Sorry…

 

I pounded onto my own chest hard. Barely feeling the external pain as compared to the pain inside. And I pounded my chest again, repeatedly. Harder, and harder.

 

No amount of sorry was going to help.

 

Nothing.

 

I am truly a selfish bastard. The worst of them all. I must be the greatest jerk ever to live.

 

But damn it.

 

I love him…

 

I tried to fight it, I really did. But it was useless…

 

I love him.

 

And I am only going to hurt him.

 

---

 

Donghae’s POV

 

I was woken up by the loud thunderstorm outside and realised it was already late morning. Thank goodness it's a Saturday and there was no school today.

I found the side of the bed empty and sat up.

I whimpered at the pain i felt in my bottom and the ache in my back.

Damn. Of course i would be sore. It's a miracle i am even alive right now.

More importantly... What happened now? What did last night entail? How would our relationship change from now?

Despite all uncertainties of our future, i felt happy. It felt right. Whatever the future holds, there was Hyukjae there with me, and that was all that matters.

I got up from the bed gingerly. I smiled when I found my clothes folded neatly on the side table. It must be Hyukjae, that neat freak.

 

I took my pants from the neat pile, put them on slowly and limped like an old man to the bathroom.

I brushed my teeth, and took a quick shower before getting out to look for Hyukjae.

I am sure he must at the dining table with Siwon already, with his breakfast untouched.

He never woke me up on weekend knowing i like to sleep late. But he would always wait for me to have breakfast together.

I think i was still smiling like an idiot when i walked down the stairs. Trying my best to ignore the soreness that i felt with every step. But as cheesy as it was, every soreness reminded me of last night. How I had felt in Hyukjae’s arms, how intimate two persons could ever get.

 

As I reached the bottom of the stairs, I found Siwon on the phone, his back facing me and I started walking towards him.

'Damn it! ing answer the phone!'

I froze in my tracks. Suddenly finding my heart beating twice as fast.

Siwon never cursed. What's wrong?

I had an ominous feeling suddenly and i inched slowly towards the dining table.

Dread began eating at me when i failed to see Hyukjae waiting there for me with his gummy smile.

'Hae...' A soft voice whispered brokenly behind me.

I turned around and saw a panic looking Siwon.

He rushed forward and hugged me tight while i stiffened.

No. No way.

Don't say a word Siwon.

Please don't say anything.

'Hyukjae left! He ing left us!'

 

My head started twirling and I would have dropped onto the floor if Siwon hadn't been holding me tight.

Feeling my body went limp , Siwon held me closer, 'Are you all right Hae?'

I shut my eyes. My arms lay limp by my side, my full body weight resting upon Siwon.

No i am not all right. NO.

 

How could I be!

Blood raced through my veins as I felt my pulse doubled. An invisible fist clenched my heart tight and squeezed it painfully.

After all these years together.

After we have been through so much.

And especially...

After last night.

 

This must be a joke. It had to be.

I started shaking my head violently. Rejecting everything.

 

But at this moment as Siwon held me tight i realized maybe i was just destined to be alone.

After giving him all my heart all my love and giving him my body, he left me.

He ing left me.

I couldn’t even cry.

Tears could never ease this ache inside.

Nothing could.

He knew he was leaving. He knew it.

But he kept silent.

And he used me.

He used me selfishly before leaving me.

 

Deserting me.

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