“Just take me instead”

I feel numb, I feel stupid, I feel useless. I’m gripping on her lifeless hand, it’s a little cold but still a little warm. That’s the only chance I have. That moment when I saw her lying bloody in the ground. I feel my heart was removed from my chest

“Please Minjung, Look at me, just open your eyes please”

I cried a million times. Dear Lord please hear me.

“Baby, please don’t leave me..Please..Please..”

I keep on shouting inside the ambulance, not caring about the other people here. I blame myself for everything. I blame my decision n becoming an idol. If only I knew that this will happen, I never should have tried. I never should have even tried in the first place.

She weakly opened her eyes and I gripped on her cheeks. My tears were just rolling endlessly. How did this  ever happened to us?

“Baby, please fight for me..”

She’s breathing hard, but I felt a little  grip on my fingers. That’s when I realized, tears were also running in her cheeks. She was trying to open her eyes a little more but she cant.

Please just let me see her smile again

They rushed her to the emergency room and I tried to go in but they didn’t allow me. I gripped on my hair and eventually breaks down on my knees. I called my mother and my members. I’m shaking, for the first time, I don’t know what to do. I might go insane or I might just kill myself for this.

I shouted and I believe my voice echoed throughout the whole hospital. I cant breathe from crying, I cant breathe because my source of life is in the middle of leaving me here alone. I kicked the chairs, everything around me, hurting my own self. I punched the walls hardly, but I am not contented. My fist is bleeding, mixing with the blood of my girl.

The girl who I am not sure if I can see again.

I keep punching the walls until two arms pulled me. I looked at who it is and it is  Minho

“Hyung stop!”

“Let go!” I cried

“STOP!” Jonghyun shouted.

Maknae taemin and Key was shocked at everything. Blood stains were all over me. I kneeled and cried

“It’s my fault..”

“no hyung stop blaming yourself!”

“Its my fault. I should have protected her. I should be the one  suffering. I hurt her  a million times now. She doesn’t deserve this. I deserve all the pain. I deserve to be in her position”

My members tried to lift me up and I saw my mother running and gave me a hug

“Mom, I’m sorry”

“Its an accident darling..I called her mom, she’s flying as quickly as she could”

“Tell aunt I am sorry, It’s all my fault”

“Dont say that. You don’t want this to happen darling. Stop crying”

I keep on crying until I have no wat