Chapter 31

This lovely fate

Chaerin’s POV

‘I’m with the twins, don’t worry and make yourself busy’

That was a text message from mingkki, the lovely gymnast girl I met here in Japan where I and my twins decided to live a year ago, the place where I saw how lovely my fate really is.

I sip the remaining coffee on my cup before changing the channel of the television; there I saw someone I adore, always.

I watch how he waves the award that he received for claiming the top of the music chart well, for the nth time. He’s been on that place, he is actually born for that place, I knew.

‘Thank you’

He said with his famous smile, it never changes. Three years and yet, he still looks the same stranger I met, married and …. love.

I close my eyes as moment’s flashes back.

--

‘Just please give Tabi a chance, be with him’

My mouth hangs open after her words. I was taken aback. Everything becomes blurry, I feel like carrying the whole world and all I wanted is to rest, to escape, to burst out.

I don’t even know what to answer

I barely knew that this moment is what I always wanted but, there is something inside me that can’t just accept him back in my life. Jiyong.

I knew how I love this guy in front of me but, I barely knew as well that I am slowly falling with Jiyong and I promised, yes I promised to go back in his arms.

I saw tabi took a step closer to mine as he holds my hand before whispering something.

‘Even for a day please’

I look at Bommie, she is looking with her pleading eyes, why? Isn’t she loves Tabi oppa? How about their child?

I bring back my eyes on him, he’s sincere. The same old Tabi oppa I met back then and I can’t just refuse him so, I nodded as an acceptance.

--

Sunday morning.

I watch myself at the mirror; my heart wants to burst out and all the letters on my head were jumbled. This is the day I agreed to spend with Tabi oppa and I can’t describe the feeling. I feel so uneasy far from what I used to feel when Jiyong was there beside me.

I get my phone from the side table as I dialed his number but, surprisingly I was automatically directed to his voice mail.

‘Jiyong please’

I said as I once again tried but, reached same voice mail.

I just think of that he was just trying to help me focus so I brush the thought of I-losing-him on my mind.

‘Chaerin’

I heard from the door followed by a knock, it was from him; Tabi oppa.

I ready myself as I open the door seeing him wearing blue sweatshirt with his light pants. The same old Tabi I met way back in college days.

‘Let’s go’

He said as he holds my hand. How much I want to take my hand away from him but, today.

I’ll let myself be free, just for today, for me; for us.

It wasn’t as awkward as I thought. We did everything we used to do way back then and I adore how much effort he gave just for me to feel at ease. I tried so but, I just can’t feel the moment fully because honestly, all I think about is for this day to end, for us to say goodbye, for me to meet him again, Kwon Jiyong.

‘Have you enjoyed the day?’

He asked; I nodded. That’s a lie.

‘You don’t have to say that just to make me feel better’

He said as he stops and release my hand. We’re in front of the sea, I handing my shoes while he’s holding his.

‘I feel how we can’t be something like we used to be’

He said as I look straight at the sea, I knew he is right.

‘I’m sorry’

I said; he shook his head then looks at me smiling.

‘You don’t have to feel that way; I am the one who take a wrong move at the first place. I let you slip away even I have every chance in the world and here I am now, trying to get you back when you already moved on’

‘oppa-’

‘Do you love him?’

He asked without looking at me, I deeply sighed as I accepted every feeling I kept hiding since day 1.

‘yes’

I close my eyes, feeling the air passing through my skin; thinking about him; only him and all the sweet moments.

‘I was honestly surprised; I never thought I will feel this way. He was this bastard guy that I despised since the moment I saw him with my two eyes. He never became my type, he was so unlike you. Not a gentleman, not that intelligent, not something like me will ever adore but-’

I open my eyes as unexplainable tears came out, tears of joy.

‘He’s the only person who dances and sings a song for me at the amusement park, he is the only guy who hold my hand that gave my stomach butterflies while walking on our way to the office, the only one who gave me kisses that send chills on my spine, the only person I can’t lie with because he can easily find out if I am lying, the only person that never get tired of reminding me how loved I am, he is the only person that wrote a song for me, the person I married without even knowing his name’

I wipe my tears as I smiled.

‘He is the only person that made me the happiest girl more than anyone else, Jiyong. I love him oppa. I do love him.’

I finally admitted. I get all the guts to look at Tabi oppa’s face; I saw how hurt he is but I knew, he is happy for me.

‘I want you to feel the same way oppa; Bom loves you so much and I knew somehow, you feel the same with her. I can see that on your eyes. I will never be convinced that you love each other if I didn’t saw how different the way you look on her eyes, I knew you love her as well’

‘chaerin-’

‘Oppa, maybe our fate just needs to end here’

He closes his eyes as he holds my hand. I can feel his pain, same familiar pain I felt before but, this is what we need to do.

‘I am happy for you’

He said looking at me.

‘I knew I’ll regret letting my first love slips away but, I will move forward as you do’

He said giving me his sweet smile before hugging me.

‘You’ll let me punch him if he ever makes you cry right?’

He joked as we end up laughing; I nodded.

‘Be happy with Bommie’

‘You do the same, I love you’

He said as I gave him the farewell kiss.

‘That will be my goodbye, I love you and I will always do’

I said, he releases my hand as I take a step back to leave him with one thing on my mind;

to meet jiyong and tell him everything I feel inside.

--

I took the first flight back the next day; Monday morning. The day I promised to go back.

I took off the small box from my bag, the precious thing he gave me.  I never knew I’ll be able to find the answer for all my questions with nothing but, myself and that his love.

I never thought I’ll be able to learn how to love again; not to someone I knew fully but, to random stranger I met, married and fell in love.

‘Never fall in love with a stranger’,

I disagree because isn’t it everyone that we love was just nothing but a stranger in day one?

Even Romeo & Juliet are.

We are all strangers, it just develops.

I hold the box of the ring tighter as I look outside the plane;

Please, wait for me Jiyong.

I whispered on my every step as I imagined scenes where we are nothing but happy….

not until the moment I arrived on his unit; and my world crashes.

He’s no longer there

He’s gone.

He left me.

Left me alone….

--

‘Alone with our twins’

I whispered as I welcome the tear that starts to run down my face, every day I feel the same pain but, it was never the same pain that I felt before when I am not free. This is the kind of pain where I feel relieved; where I feel free.

It’s been 3 years since I start living my life without him but, I neve