The concert was a horrible experience for me. I couldn't even pay attention because I was too caught up wth what I should tell Olivia. I didn't mean to lie to her, but knowinw how much she wanted this, I couldn't tell er the truth. I couldn't understand why I would get in and not her. She dedicated her whole life for this. The only thing I ever think about was getting to live out her dream. She wanted it so much and I knew that she always tried to hold back tears when she thought about how almost impossible it is. I felt so bad. I had to figure out some way to get her through the auditions with me. 

I figured something was wrong when Lily wasn't as excited during the concert. I knew something was wrong when manager hyung didn't even know about Olivia going to Seoul. After the concert, I took Lily aside and asked her what was wrong. She started crying and said that Olivia didn't make it. When I heard those words, my heart broke for Olivia. I knew what it was like to have a dream. But I also knew what it was like to feel totally hopeless and lost when you realized that it would be impossible. 

"We need to do something," I said

"I know! I don't understand!!! It must have been some kind of mistake."

"Don't worry, we'll fix everything."

"Just... Don't tell Olivia ok? It'll kill her."

"Trust me, I won't."

At that moment, both Jongup and Daehyun noticed Lily was crying. They ran over to us and asked what was wrong. I explained them what happened while Lily sniffled at the side. Daehyun looked at Lily, flinched, and then took her in his arms. JongUp glared at them, but they didn't notice. 

"It's Ok," Daehyun said. "We'll help you. All of us will. I promise."

The concert was amazing!! I spazzed through the whole thing. Thinking about it now... asfjk hdui gafjk UGH Amazingg...!!

But for some reason, I had a party pooper sitting next to me. I thought that i don't maybe since we were in Los Angeles, and we were watching a KPOP CONCERT, in PERSON, in LOS ANGELES, and idk we just basically got ACCEPTED INTO TS ENTERTAINMENT, and we were going to KOREA, Lily would be idk just a little bit excited? But no. She sat there deep in thought and I had no idea what was wrong. 

After the concert, Zelo took her aside. OK. I admit I was kinda jealous. But I swallowed it and started talking to HimChan. When Zelo was still talking to her, I moved onto YongGuk. Lily's back was facing me and Zelo looked like he was in a deep conversation with her. That definitely bothered me. He said that I was the only person that he could have really serious convos with. Like was that all a lie? Did he really just flirt with every single fan that was gullible enough to believe that it was possible for him to like me? And with my best friend? How low could he get. 

I saw JongUp and DaeHyun walk over to her too. Now I was really curious with what was going on. And despite my instincts to walk over there and see what was wrong, I didn't want to seem desperate. Instead I talked to YoungJae, HimChan, and YongGuk.  They were so funny! They were like the best oppas anyone could ask for. They were talking about Korea and TS Entertainment. When they were talking about their labelmates, YongGuk could NOT stop talking about Jieun, it was so cute!! I shipped them from like Day 1 of Going Crazy. 

I kept looking up at Lily and them, but no matter what kind of distraction I tried to make, none of them would notice me. Daehyun had Lily in his arms. I couldn't see their faces, but I would've loved to. Speaking of ships, I couldn't decide who would make a cuter couple. Lily and JongUp, or Lily and Daehyun. I knew she liked both of them cuz she's as indecisive as me, but I kinda always thought her and JongUp would be cute because their both so much alike. 

Finally, I swallowed my pride and walked up to the cluster that now included HimChan and YongGuk. So I was stuck with YoungJae Babo. He was so funny and just kept talking... and talking... and talking... Really amusing. Anyways. I walked over and immediately, everyone stiffened up. Including Lily. One look at Lily, and I could tell she'd been crying. I immediately felt bad about being jealous and catty. I knew they weren't talking to her because they liked her more than me. They just were able to tell that something was wrong better than I could. I felt so bad that I didn't even know that she was so upset. But why?

"What's wrong?" I asked

"N.. Nothing" Lily said

"ELLAY, I know you better than that. You were crying weren't you. Is that why you weren't as excited during the concert? What's wrong?"

"Um.. I'll tell you later. I'm kind of tired. Let's go to the hotel."

Everyone nodded in agreement and started pushing me to the door. They were all talking at once and I got this feeling that I got fairly often. So often that I could place my finger exactly on what it was. It was a feeling that everyone understood something that I didn't. I was totally in the dark, and this time, I wouldn't find the light switch for a while.