Things soon fell into a routine for the Kim-family. The teacher was replaced by a nice lady who was very strict when it came to bullying and soon the twins loved going to school everyday. Kangin and Eeteuk fell into a friendly routine but were both careful not to overstep the boundaries between friends/co-workers and something more. Before Eeteuk knew what had happened, a month had passed and he found himself rushing to the same restaurant he met Zhoumi at four weeks ago. This time he arrived first but he only had to wait three minutes for the lanky Chinaman to arrive too.

“Jungsoo! It’s so good too see you!” Zhoumi exclaimed animatedly, giving Eeteuk a big hug and kissing each of his cheeks once.

“You too. How was Japan?” Eeteuk asked, a bit less enthusiastic. He still felt bad about the whole Kangin-thing when he didn’t know what he and Zhoumi were.

“It was really fabulous! But more about that later, how have you been? You look tired?” Zhoumi cocked his head to the side, looking at Eeteuk worriedly.

“Well, I’ve been… a bit stressed,” Eeteuk began. When Zhoumi took his hand and gently squeezed it, he ended up telling the whole story of what had happened a month ago and how he was exhausted from dancing around Kangin and not knowing what they were doing, combined with endless apologies directed towards Zhoumi.

“- and I really didn’t think about it, I swear, I was just so stressed when Wook stopped breathing and I didn’t think straight and I-“

“Jungsoo!” Zhoumi broke the rambling, smiling softly at the man who did everything he could to divert his eyes. He grabbed Eeteuk’s hand again, seeing as Eeteuk had withdrawn the hand during his long monologue, and squeezed it, finally making Eeteuk look up at him albeit guiltily.

“It’s perfectly okay, I’m not mad at you,” he smiled broadly. “I was actually kind of expecting something like that to happen, if I have to be honest. And it is fine, that just means we’re not meant to be-“

“But I didn’t say that-“

“I know you didn’t. But really, Jungsoo-ah, it’s fine. It shines out of you that you like him. I’m really happy for you!” Zhoumi beamed, meaning every word. Eeteuk took in the turn of events before breaking the silence after a while.

“I really hope we can be friends,” he admitted in a very small voice, not having much hope.

“Of course we can, silly,” Zhoumi laughed just as their meal arrived.

“So tell me all about Japan,” Eeteuk demanded with a weak smile, needing a little time to transition Zhoumi from “love interest” to “friend” in his brain. Zhoumi immediately started narrating animatedly about how the shows had gone down, how the models there were different from Korean and Chinese models, how some other designer had praised his line loudly while another had criticized it, causing the two to have a regular fight that didn’t end until Zhoumi managed to call the guards.

“So, what are you and Kangin going to do?” Zhoumi asked once he and Eeteuk strolled home, ice cream cones in hand.

“I don’t know,” Eeteuk sighed deeply. Zhoumi caught the unhappy vibe of the sigh and stopped, grabbing Eeteuk’s shoulders gently and turning him so they were facing each other.

“Tell me what you are thinking,” he half begged, half demanded, knowing that Eeteuk probably needed an outlet.

“I just… The kids mean so much to me. Ever since I realised I was gay I’ve thought I would never be able to have my own kids which is why I chose to become a nanny. And suddenly these four beautiful boys stumble into my life and turn everything upside down. I’ve always been able to keep some kind of professional distance to the other families I have worked with but I just… can’t with them. And the moment Ryeowook stopped breathing it was just… it was the worst thing I have ever experienced. Everything in me screamed that my son needed me, that I was losing him.”

A single tear rolled down Eeteuk’s cheek as he relived the moment that had come to present his worst nightmare; losing one of the boys who had somehow wormed their way into his heart and become his sons.

“And they are not my sons,” Eeteuk choked, feeling unable to stop the tears now. “I’m on a contract and one wrong move and I’ll be fired and never see them again. If I act on my feelings and for some reason me and Youngwoon don’t work out, I am out of the picture. I have no rights whatsoever to see the boys; I can only rely on whether or not he will let me.”

“But don’t you think he would?” Zhoumi asked quietly, holding Eeteuk gently and his back. He understood what Eeteuk was saying, but he also knew that fear was clouding his outlook on the situation. “I’ve known him for a while and Heechul has told me a lot about him. If there is anyone who would do anything for their kids, it’s him. I really think that, even if you get together and it turns out badly, he won’t keep you from seeing the kids. Maybe he won’t allow you to live with them anymore, but he won’t keep you from them. From what you and Heechul tell me, they are just as attached to you as you are to them, even Donghae.”

“I know, I’m just scared less at the thought of losing them,” Eeteuk admitted lowly, thankful that he finally had someone to talk to about it. He had deemed Heechul unsuitable to discuss this topic with and had been burning inside with fear ever since he and Kangin had had their talk