Kangin entered the kitchen to find Eeteuk doing the dishes. The younger man was so deep in thought that he didn’t notice Kangin’s presence. He took the time to study the younger, trying to figure out what was happening between them and why and most importantly: what should happen now? He honestly didn’t know. Though he was certain about his own feelings, he was unsure about what Eeteuk felt and he didn’t know if it was even a good idea to get involved with your children’ nanny to begin with. He saw Eeteuk gently shake his head at a thought that would remain unknown to him before gathering all his courage and walking towards Eeteuk.

“We need to talk,” he spoke quietly while grabbing a towel and beginning to dry off the things Eeteuk had washed. Eeteuk looked up at him with wide eyes, looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Can we agree to be honest with each other?” he asked, thoroughly drying the cup in his hands out of nervousness. Eeteuk nodded slowly before continuing the washing up.

“The last 24 hours have been crazy. We’ve both been tired and anxious and stressed. I’m afraid that I’ve overstepped some boundaries,” Kangin admitted, trying to sound less nervous than he was.

Eeteuk’s head whipped up at that. He had been sure that Kangin would think that it was him who had overstepped the boundaries.

“No, you haven’t, I think we’ve both been a part of it,” Eeteuk hurried to assure, not liking that Kangin took the blame for everything. After all it had been Eeteuk who panicked completely and whatever had happened between them had only helped Eeteuk remain sane in the situation.

They were both silent for a while, both of them completely emerged in thoughts.

“What are we doing, Jungsoo-ah?” Kangin then asked softly, putting the towel down and turning to look at the younger man.

Eeteuk felt the eyes on his back and knew Kangin was behind him, probably expecting him to turn around and face him. Eeteuk found that he couldn’t. He felt tears well up in his eyes in frustration. Kangin noticed how his movements got angrier and felt bad.

“I don’t know,” Eeteuk replied, pouring out his frustration on a plate, scrubbing it furiously. A second later he felt strong arms embrace him from behind and the wall inside of him was knocked down, giving ways to small sobs.

Kangin turned him around and held him tightly, trying to soothe the sobbing man. He had not expected this kind of reaction from Eeteuk but he thought he understood it somehow.

“I don’t know what I am doing! I like you but you are my employer. And I-I have a thing with Zhoumi that I am not even certain about and now I’m acting like a total and I don’t want to do anything that will make me lose this job. I love your boys and I feel so at home here and I don’t want-“

“Hey, hey, hey! No matter what happens after this, I won’t throw you out,” Kangin interrupted.

“My boys already lost one umma; they are not going to lose you unless you decide to leave. In which case I might just lock you in the basement to prevent that from happening,” he tried to joke, causing Eeteuk to giggle slightly.

“And you are not a ,” he added once Eeteuk had calmed down slightly, looking the younger straight in the eyes.

“It takes two to tango and my feelings for you might have grown to something more than just co-worker to co-worker which I have not been able to hide in the last 24 hours. You truly have been heaven sent for me and my boys and I cannot imagine our life without you. You fit in here. You are part of the family. My boys have already experienced too much insecurity and they love you too much for me to jeopardize your position here,” Kangin mused honestly.

Eeteuk wasn’t able to respond. He didn’t know what to say and there were all kinds of emotions raging inside of him.

“I don’t want to lose you, Jungsoo,” Kangin admitted, a hint of desperation sneaking into his voice despite his best efforts to hide it.

“You won’t,” Eeteuk sniffled, trying desperately to sort out his feelings. He only reached one conclusion.

“I… Youngwoon,” he began, using his employer’s real name for the fist time. It added a sense of seriousness and intimacy that both found they secretly liked. “You know I love your boys-“

“I think it would be more correct to say our boys by now, Jungsoo-ah,” Kangin interrupted softly. Eeteuk looked at him with eyes filled with tears and longing. He really did love all four and he would do anything to be able to call them his own. And yet he felt like it was too soon. So much could happen and he could be asked to leave for many different reasons. He felt like the boys’ umma and he would do anything for them to be happy, but he also felt that it was too soon to say it out loud. It didn’t really matter what he felt and thought, it only mattered what the boys’ thought. He knew that Ryeowook saw him as his only umma, but a voice inside his head told him that was because the toddler didn’t remember his real umma. That same voice kept telling him that the older boys didn’t see him as an umma, but as a replacement for an umma. They knew what it was like to have a female umma, and he was just the second best thing because the real deal wasn’t available. Another voice told him to shut up and enjoy it, that this was the closest he would ever get to have his own family; being bound to a family by a contract and nothing more than that.

He