1 week later

I took deep heavy breaths as I sat down on a nearby bench. A tiny snowflake landed on my hand, as if mocking at how miserable I looked. Yes you, it’s because of you that I came here, because of you that I met him and- my heart tightened. I picked up the flake and squashed it before flipping it away.

No I won’t cry.

“How long has it been?” I asked as the weary looking woman stood next to me outside the ICU room, both of us watching as the little girl inside lies on the bed, hooked onto the ventilator which had become the only source of living for her. I could hear the constant beeping of the electrocardiograph machine beside the bed indicating Sang-mi’s slow heartbeat.

“Since last week. It started only with a small cough, but her weak immune system couldn’t fight off the illness and she started having high fever and breathing difficulties.” Her mum took a deep breath, voice broken and hoarse from all the previous crying.

“I’m sorry.” Yoseob was at the other side of her, forehead creasing, hands patting her shoulder as a form of comfort.

I walked back to Sang-mi’s old ward and sat down on her bed, reaching under the pillow for the photo frame I’m only too familiar with because that little brat never fails to show it to me whenever I come by to visit. Only this time the picture inside wasn’t the one I remembered it to be.

It wasn’t just herself, her mum and Yoseob anymore. I saw myself inside as part of her small family. It was a picture taken when Yoseob first brought me here to visit, how long ago was it already? I don’t know, it feels so far away.

I ran out the building into the busy street outside, and the same old things happened like always. People were rushing here and there, some trying to squeeze up the bus, some waiting for cabs with an annoyed expressions, and some queuing for some coffee in a nearby café.

That’s when I realized that nothing changes. The world doesn’t stop turning even when you left me, cold and harsh, all by myself to face everything on my own.

No, I won’t cry.

“Wrong, utterly wrong.” I bite down on my lips. “Snow isn’t beautiful. It’s evil, cruel, sinister, and it’s the start of everything bad.”

-

“Showcase?” I raised my eyebrows at Yoseob.

“Yeah, in Japan, and we’re leaving tomorrow."

“Oh,” I looked out the window to see a young couple passing by the café and snorted. “Why are there so many couples nowadays?”

“It’s always been this much. You’re just previously too immersed in one yourself to notice it, that’s all.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“And why are you drinking coffee? I thought you preferred hot chocolate.”

“I don’t like chocolate.” Not anymore.

“You know, you don’t have to act tough.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“You , I’m leaving.”

“Hey,” Yoseob grabbed my arm before I could walk out the door. “You know I’m always here for you right?"

“I know.” You’re always here, you’ve always been here, and that’s exactly why I shouldn’t trouble you anymore.

“Good, I’ll be going back to pack for the trip. Call me if you need anything.” He gives me a peck on my forehead and left.

No, I won’t cry.

-

I took a deep breath, taking in the salty smell of Han river as I curled my fingers around the stone wall. My vision blurred and cleared as I felt the wet moisture streaming down my face.

I’ve lost.

I’m not strong, I can’t do everything on my own, don’t you know that? If you knew, would you come and save me? Would you hug me tight and tell me everything is alright, that you’ll always be here, like you’ve always been? I miss you, I miss you so much it hurts so bad. Nobody told me it would be so difficult, nobody told me it feels like that, nobody warned me.

*Tap*

I turned around and-

My stomach clenched.

My head hurts.

I thought my heart was already in pieces, beyond any further damage. I didn’t know it can still break into even smaller pieces like what it’s doing now. Seeing you, just by seeing you right here in front of me, it’s making everything harder than it already is.

So I did the only thing I knew, run. I don’t know where, I just want to be anywhere but here, so I ran like it’s the only thing that can keep me alive.

A long, loud solid horn.

Followed by the screeching of tyres.

I turned my head to the side, seeing nothing but a flash of white.

Something hard smashed into me, and I felt myself being lifted into the air before collapsing onto the hard ground. Shards of glass ripped through my skull and torso, invading into the inner, deepest part of me.

Numbness.

It’s a good feeling, it’s better than pain.

If this is what death feels like, then I’m not afraid of dying.

-

Junhyung-ah,

You always ask me what the best feeling in the world is.

I never once answered.

Not that I don’t have an answer, I do. I just don’t know how to bring it across to you.

People say everyone looks the ugliest when they just woke up, but yours is exactly what makes my heart tingles. When I wake up next to you, when I wait patiently for your eyes to open, and when they do, I feel like nothing can ever go wrong. You would always have that look of lost and innocence but when you finally realize it’s me and a huge grin forms on your face..

That’s the best feeling in the world for me.

A/N: I wrote this chapter in preparation for the sequel which I'll leave the link here so please go and subscribe :)

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/36835

I feel sorry for taking so long but a very very bad thing recently happened to me and I was really affected by it so I wasn't in the right mood to do anything. Right now I'm still recovering from it but I'll try my best to start on the sequel.

I don't know how else to express this but thank you all so much for being with me throughout these 25 chapters.Thank you for all the comments, I really appreciate it :)
 

-

@eunmiternity Don’t cry! I’m assuming you’re one of my new readers eh? Hope you like this chapter although it’s kind of sad. Sorry :(

@imthejoker Oh god please don’t cry! :(

@xiaorui I’ll consider writing about them in the sequel.

@nureen Relax :)

@parkminyoong I won’t make Junhyung such a heartless jerk.

@yong_min_ji Don’t hate him, he has his reasons for doing it. And you’re going to read the sequel right? I’m looking forward to your comments :)

@shine_star Thank you, I hope you’ll read the sequel too :)

@iHEARTjunhyung Thank you, and sorry for making you wait for the update.

@b2utyful08 Don’t cry :)

@kaytbear3 That’s the reason why I wrote about the dream, it’s kinda like a warning for her. Thank you! Hope you’ll read the sequel :)

@aremoyoona But he has his reasons :)

@undesirableme My vocabulary is limited too, but you still supported me didn’t you? Thank you :)

@matterythebattery :)

@ECfanfiction I feel you, we can do it!

@ilikethemuzik I’m going to write it, thank you :)

@dnakaram Please don’t cry :(

@shineekey Thank you :)

@illusionbaby This is the last chapter, I’ll continue it at the sequel. And don’t worry the nightmare won’t come true. I’m from Singapore :)

@anadd23 Yes I’m writing a sequel.