Today was your day off, the first one since more than a year. It felt weird not having to go anywhere and the flat was empty with just you there, even emptier than usual.

With furrowed eyebrows you thought about Kai. It worried you how sad and exhausted he had looked the last few days but you couldn't think of anything to help him.

*He is so stubborn when it comes to his problems.*

You approached the fridge and opened it energetically just to frown a second later.

*Nothing.*

You sank down to your knees, leaning against the fridge and listening to your stomach grumbling. Kai would come home in more than five hours and you weren't sure if you could take it this long.

*I guess I have to go grocery shopping..*

You gulped. You haven't done that since a long, long time. Kai did everything for you, he went grocery shopping, he got you jobs, he rented the flat. Without him you would have been totally screwed and you were aware of the pressure that this thought gave him. But as much as you wanted to reduce this pressure, you couldn't.

You couldn't speak. Just thinking about it let your heartbeat get faster and your hands shake like leaves in the wind.

Taking a deep breath you stood up and searched for money. When you finally found it, half an hour had passed by and you mentally cursed yourself for not knowing its place.

*What do I do if there is an emergency? Aish.*

Whatever, you had to go and with a sigh you locked the door behind you. Luckily you had to walk above the supermarket's parking place every morning so you knew where it was. Otherwise you would have been totally lost now.

The closer you came to the market, the faster your heart beated and when you walked through the entrance you almost got a heart attack.

You got less nervous while you were picking the things you wanted but as soon as you were waiting in line for the cashier, your heart got out of control.

*Ok. Ok. Everything is alright. Calm down, Eun Min, calm down!*

Finally it was your turn and you bit your lips in fear. Beep, beep, beep. The sound somehow scared you and your fears went reality when the cashier told you the price and you didn't understand it.

Your mind turned blank and you starred at him, hoping with every single part of your body that he would repeat it.

“Miss, are you alright? Is there something wrong?“ The cashier looked at you worried but you couldn't make a move.

“Miss.. you really have to pay now. The others are waiting for you.“ He started getting annoyed but you still couldn't do anything.

“I guess she is dumb..“ a young female voice stated and you looked at the owner of the voice in relief, trying to thank her with a look. She encouragingly smiled at you and turned to the cashier.

“What did you say was the price?“ He gazed at you apologizing and told you. You gave him the money to then pack your things. Afterwards, you bowed to the woman and went away, your heart still beating faster as usual and sadness in your eyes.

*I can't even go grocery shopping. How can I help Kai when I am not even able to do this?*

When you had reached your flat, you started crying. You couldn't take it anymore, it was just too much. You had never felt that useless before and everytime you thought about yor brother and what he did for you day by day even more tears started falling down.

*I am not worth his effort. I can see how he gets more and more sick with every day that passes by and I can absolutely do nothing against it.*

When Kai came home, he found you laying on the sofa with your head pressed into the pillow and silently sobbing. Within a second he sat next to you and embraced you in a hug.

“Eun Min-ah, what is wrong? I am here for you, everything is alright. Pshh. I am here, ok? You have nothing to worry about.“

You clinged to him and hold him as tight as possible.

*I love you, Kai. You are the best brother that I could ever have. I am so sorry for causing you so much pain.*

Kai patted your back and looked around. When he saw the bags from your grocery shopping he gasped.

“Have you been grocery shopping??“ He furrowed his eyebrows and sighed inside.

*So that is why she is so sad.. I hope nothing bad has happened to her.*

After a few minutes that seemed like eternity you finally stopped crying. Kai smiled at you and pinched your cheek.

“I am going to cook something now. We should celebrate that both of us had a kind of relaxing day, right?“

He started humming and preparing the dinner and you watched his back with a small smile. You couldn't understand how he managed to be so positive all the time but you loved him even more for that. For the first time since years, you felt secure and nearly, but just nearly happy. It felt like in the good old days with your mother and your father..

Your eyes widened and you shook your head.

*No. Not now.*

But it was too late. A young girl's loud and hurt cry suddenly started playing in your head making you cramp in pain and your fingers clinching unknowingly. Without realising it, you fell down on the floor causing Kai to look up.

He saw you breathing heavily, tears streaming down and how you were desperately pressing your hands against your ears. He knew what this meant and a well-known pain started building up.

“No. No, no, no.“ he whispered but he couldn't stop himself.

He closed his eyes and let the tears fall down, not even trying to hide it.

The two of you would never get rid of it. The sadness that was buried in both of your hearts would never leave you. That day, the worst day in your life, had changed everything. It had made you to two living corpses who never knew if they were able to survive the next day. Who had no hope, no faith, no love.

It had ruined your entire life and just god knew if there was any chance to repair it again.