The next chapter will be uploaded after this, feel free if you want to skip this, because this has nothing to do with the story but I just have to talk about this especially now because couple of chapters ago I mentioned this topic and now, days ago we lost someone because of it. You are free to not read this and you are free to read what I have to write, both ways I'm so thankful for your patience with me.

I just can't stay quite about this, I know a lot think it's a sensitive topic and it is, I know a lot don't like to talk about it but people need to understand that sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's so hard that you come to a point where every single thing is empty, every single answer is against you. You feel like your life is like a paper and you are just standing on a small dot, whenever you try to draw something on your life, the pencil will break, over and over again. And you will look around you and find a lot of pencils are drawing squares, circles and so many beautiful shapes but when it comes to you, you are not able to move an inch without the pencil breaking, even though you are using the same exact pencil everyone around you is using, but its still not working.

People keep saying talk to someone, talk to me, talk to your friends, talk to your family, talk to..., talk to..., and so on but they just don't understand that sometimes it is just so god damn hard to talk. It's so hard, that when you open your mouth to speak to someone words won't come out. Or when you decide to talk about it to someone you love, they won't understand. And sometimes when you try to talk to someone, the thoughts and ideas will come to your mind that you talking about things will just bother them, annoy them and that you are becoming too much, even thought they might not be thinking like that but you will think like that. That's why talking is hard.

You'll be told to go see a doctor or something and you will go because you want all that to end, you want the pain to go away, you don't want to live like this forever because death will be better for you than that. You go to a professional doctor and they will start to talk, ask and ask question you don't want to answer but you answer them because you want the change. And then the doctor asks you one last question, do you want to be able to draw a smily face on your life; you get all hyped up and you feel just from that question you are getting better, so you answer them yes I want that. And you start going everyday to them, or three times a week, two, or maybe once a week. And everytime you go it's just about..."you are stopping yourself" "You are weak now" "You should do that for you" "you should allow you", "you" and "you" and "you"

But you take a second to think if it is all me then why don't I end me and that will make me free of myself and in that way my pain will end and I won't hurt me or the people around me...

Which is all funny because the person who has depression, anxiety, any type of mental illness is always the one they blame, and is always asked to talk to someone or see a doctor, go to therapy and yet most of the people that killed themselves they did it because they were told the wrong thing, or they were still being treated the same way, or even tho they talked to someone...NO ONE LISTENED. And if people listened, nobody card. Don't give us pills or therapy sessions, don't force us to talk, when half of the people don't want to listen. Why don't you teach kids in school about depression, why don't you tell them that bullying and hating someone that is a bit different isn't the answer.

Imagin if you wake up one day and thought to yourself I'm not gonna treat someone bad today, I'm gonna smile to every person I see on my way, I'm gonna tell people how much they look beautiful today, I'm gonna call my friends who I didn't talk to for years and tell them let's go out and catch up today.