I pulled Jesper into my arms and kissed him on his head. "Thank you, piggy." I whispered.

I came to learn to count the days we had been apart ever since he left. It’s been 4 months, somewhere over a hundred days. Sometimes I wondered, were we very far apart? We were 2737 miles away from each other. But once in awhile, we were merely a screen away or a voice call away from each other. Those were the times when I actually felt like he was there, closeby. Or he was there, still mine.

I somehow came to realize how long distance relationships were difficult and many didn’t make it through. Not that LDR hadn’t been bad enough, his tight schedules requiring his full commitment in order to cope up with whatever he left undone when he was on break didn’t help at all while in return, made things seemed even greyer. I couldn’t even remember when was the last time we had a proper conversation, or when I received more than 3 texts from him in one day.

I wouldn’t deny the fact that I really wanted his attention but I also could understand his struggle as well. But what had been troubling me all this while, was his body condition. He started working again a few days after he returned to Korea. Apparently, the company doctor said he was okay to work? I seriously doubt that but nobody knew about his actual condition other than himself. I would assume by norm that he forced those pills down his digestive system a lot more frequent that what we would have all thought just to present himself as nicely as possible in front of the cameras and flashlights.

The last time I saw him, was through a television broadcast that I watched online. That was after I finally finished my thesis and submitted it to my supervisor. It was a short preview of his new drama and a short clip of him promoting it.

“Hello, I am Baek Hyun! My new drama “XX” will be broadcasted on SDC this Wednesday onwards, every Wednesday and Thursday, at 8pm KST! I will be playing the role of XXX. Please give this drama a lot of love and support!” I saw his signature dazzling smile on the screen, his thin lips curving upwards and those tiny eye crinkles when he smiled. Still as beautiful as ever, my favourite boy. I thought.

“I miss you.” I said to my laptop screen, freezing the clip at his smile. I stretched my hand out to touch the screen uncontrollably. “What are you doing right now?” I asked. “Are you resting well? It’s almost 9pm in Korea. Have you eaten?” I let out a small sigh and subconsciously reached out to my phone that was beside my laptop. Unlocking my phone, I found my last used app on the screen.

[ Uhm-hmm, is today fine as well? ] read

Four letters crept onto the screen beside my last sent text after a few seconds. I rose my eyebrow. Wow, surprise, Sally! He’s online! I got a little excited and I typed a long message that went like this:

[ I was just watching your drama preview! As expected, my baby is still so handsome! Will definitely watch it well!! Looking forward to it >< I realize I miss your voice so much ]

I was waiting for him to reply and I would send him that pre-typed text. I got a little angst while I stared at the screen, dreading the reply and I quickly got off the messaging application. I went onto Instagram and found myself something to do - immerse myself in the dungeon full of my little Byun’s face and look for a photo that I felt like uploading for the day. I found a photo of him brewing coffee, taken in my mother’s shop, of course and thought it was really cute. I took my time to edit the photo up to the level of my aesthetic standard and satisfaction before I posted it online. Feeling proud of my masterpiece, I saw notifications of likes popping out on the bottom of my phone. I simply closed the application

Right before I locked my phone for good, I remembered I was waiting for something that never came and that was why I went on Instagram. I quickly clicked into my Kakaotalk, thinking I might have missed the notification or err, so?

Yet, what awaited me was merely disappointment and more doubts. Are we drifting apart…? Am I still important to him? Is he not longer interested in me? I guess I just didn’t trust myself enough. Why would I? We didn’t know each other well enough. We weren’t even together for long. Everything just happened so incidentally. I stopped myself from thinking any further before I started feeling all wrong and panic myself off the again. I shook the my pessimistic mind off and went out of my room.

“Piggie, come here.” I said as I sat down on the mat in the living room. My little boy toasted himself down on me without hesitation. He made a series of funny noises as he twisted in my arms. All the giggles from him made me chuckled with him. I pinched his nose gently in an affectionate way and he stopped, panting after his “vigorous” activity and he looked up at me with his bright smile. “Hehehe, Jia Jia!” Then, he got up and threw his hands over my next, hugging me.

I patted his back softly as he just stayed that way for a couple minutes. “Jia Jia, do you miss Hyunnie?” His childish voice echoed in the room. I didn’t even know when he got learnt to call Baekhyun ‘Hyunnie’ like how he would always call me ‘Jia’ but he had got that habit even before his father left. I nodded my head and he got up to brush my hair clumsily. I smiled and closed my eyes, enjoying his tender touch. I would wonder how this baby grew up to be so sensible sometimes.

“Okay, piggie, time to go to bed now. You have school tomorrow.” I patted his head and declared, carrying him up. Jesper was leaning on my shoulder and he suddenly stretched himself out, saying ,“no, I want to wait for Hyunnie!” I looked at him with a questioning look, “huh?”

“Hyunnie told me to open the computer at 10 o’clock, put me down mommy, put me down!” By natural response, I put him down on the floor and I watched him ran towards my working table in my room, stunned.

“Jia Jia!!!!” I heard him shouting across the room, voice hovering the living room. I came back  to senses and I heard him talking again, “Jia, where is Hyunnie, where is Hyunnie?” I quickly walked into the room, noticing my laptop already . Wow, little brat, you knew how to turn on a laptop already. How the heck did you even talk to your father before this. Holy grail, did that brat just use my phone without my permission? I rose an eyebrow.

Jesper turned back to me, “Jia?” and he jumped down from the chair. “Mommy, here, here!” He pulled- more like dragged me towards the desk as he pointed to the wide dekstop, clueless of what to do next. My skype was signed in automatically as the device was .

[ Byun Baek Hyun is online. ]

A pop-up appeared on the bottom right corner, and Mr Byun Jr. with his sharp eagle eyes obviously saw it. He immediately pushed the mouse everywhere to get across the page and click that pop-up excitedly. “Hyunnie, Hyunnie!” he hummed. The moment he clicked onto the pop up, another pop-up came up.

[ Byun Baek Hyun calling… ]

[ Answer ] [ Answer with video ] [ Decline ]

Jesper immediately clicked on the longer green colour that he briefly understood what it meant. Before it was even connected, not that I bothered if it was connected or not at that instance,