6 months later…

I did the right thing…and it all went wrong. Thinking back I tried to find that pivotal moment where I could have chosen differently. Of course, I'm talking about Hoseok and Jungkook. But what I thought was my 'happily ever after' was actually the tornado that took me out of Kansas. I wanted to follow my heart but how to do that when it was divided; so I listened to my head and did what any good person would deem honorable.

I didn't see Jungkook again until I had purposely gone to say goodbye to Jaemi. I decided to head back to San Francisco a week earlier. But before I could go on, I wanted to cut the ties between Jungkook and I…for good. I couldn't go back to my apartment thinking about two men any longer.

I was glad to see Jaemi doing better and talking about Jimin less now that she knew they weren't getting back together. Jimin did manage to talk with her that night at the party but it ended ugly; we took that as our cue to leave.

I hadn't seen Jungkook in my visit with Jaemi yet. It wasn't until I had asked that she told me he was in his room. So I valiantly, or ignorantly, went and knocked on his door.

"Yeah?"

I walked in hoping it wasn't a bad time, "Hey."

"Oh hey. I didn't know you were coming over," he smiled as he was working at his desk.

He wore thin framed glasses I had never seen before. It might not have been the best time since he was typing away at his laptop and had dozens of papers spread out on his desk.

"You're busy, huh? I should've called," I said fiddling with my fingers.

"No, you're good. Come in," he swiftly removed his glasses and placed them on the desk while sliding his chair closer to the bed so that I could sit.

"I came to say goodbye, I'm leaving tomorrow."

Grinning, he slowly nodded knowing more than he led on.

"Why do you always do that?!" I asked in wonder.

"What's that?"

"You always smile like that, like if you didn't believe me."

"Oh, I believe you. But I know that's not the only reason why you're here," he said cocking his head.

"Okay, then I'll get straight to it…I don't know how to just be friends with you. It doesn't work for us."

"Because we're not meant to be 'just friends', Iseul. Just like when we first met. There will always be something strong between us that will either keep us together or be miserable apart."

"Then if you believed that so much why did you date that other girl? Why did you break up with me?" Wow! I really dove right into it, didn't I?

"You really want to start this right now?" his smile faded as he began to look frustrated.

"Yes!"

"How many times do I have to tell you? That was my biggest mistake, Iseul!" Jungkook got up and began to pace around.

"You keep saying that but you never give me a reason."

"You want to know what was really going through my head…have you ever been so confused about something that you literally can't decide what is right?" he said kneeling right in front of me.

"Yes." More than he could imagine.

"I was more confused about my feelings for you than my fictitious feelings for Byul. I used her as an excuse. While I was crazy about you, I often wondered if what we had…was real or not."

"Like a fling? I don't understand. You didn't think what we had was real?"

"This is not coming out like I want it to."

"Then just say it!" I crossed my arms.

"I'm not perfect, Iseul! I thought I was a decent guy but now I see I could've done things a lot different...better. Everything about us...it was fun and exciting, there were no rules. When I was in Japan, I thought the only way I could be there for those 2 years was if you were there with me. I wasn't thinking straight. I wasn't thinking about pulling you away from your family and friends. What does that say about me?"

"I would've come, but you began to pull away."

"Right. I did let Byul's words get to me. I thought I could justify the crazy idea if I proposed or something and she stopped me dead in my tracks and told me I wasn't being realistic. The way she put it, it made me feel like I was being unfair to you... You didn't even know what you wanted to do after high school then…"

"I didn't care at that moment."

"Exactly! But look at what you've accomplished now!"

"But you helped inspire me..."

"What do you want from me, Iseul? Why did you really come here if you're so happy with Hoseok?"

"I came for answers."

"Why? Answers to what?"

"On how to forget you, because I don't know how…and I need to if I'm going to be completely happy with him."

Jungkook jumped to his feet and turned to give me his back. He placed his hands on his waist and I heard him sigh in great frustration. He then took a few steps holding his hands above his head as though he too were searching for answers.

"I can't