It was the Sunday after Hoseok had left for Afghanistan; I didn't sleep at all that night. I sat on the couch with a big bowl of cereal and the gallon of milk and cereal box in arm's reach. Teardrops mixing with the milk as I got choked up over scenes in The Lucky One. I had been watching a list of romantic war movies such as Pearl Harbor, Cold Mountain and next, was Dear John…as you can see, I was a mess. And to top it off, Suran hadn't been home all night either.

I was about to pop in the next movie when I heard the fiddling of the key in the door. Suran crept in thinking I was sleeping; it was now 7am. I cleared my throat and stood there surprised with my hands on my waist. Suran, in turn, gave me a sly smile and it looked as if she was about to explode with excitement.

"Did you just come from Ian's place?" I shook my head, thinking the worst.

"I did…but nothing happened I promise!"

"Suran I'm not your mother, but if you fail to mention any details you're in trouble," I warned her while smiling and pointing at the sofa.

I was looking forward to borrowing some of her happiness for a while. She skipped on over to jump on the couch and we huddled next to each other to exchange secrets.

"Well first off you already know how fond I am of him, he's such a wonderful father and writer and…great listener. Last night we stayed up for hours talking and he just listened to my life story pretty much. He gave me great advice and encouragement."

"So you stayed a while after he got back from wherever?"

"No, that's the best part! He didn't know that my birthday had passed till Conner gave him a picture of me with balloons and a cake. So yesterday he called me over to babysit and when I arrived it turned out to be a surprise kiddie party that Conner decorated for me... with Ian's help of course," Suran gushed.

I was smitten by little Conner's big heart. How thoughtful and sweet for both Conner and Ian to do that for her. I clasped my hands together, holding them close to my heart; I could cry all over again.

"We played games, ate cake and then watched two movies till the little guy gave out. After Ian put him to bed he then offered me some coffee and we just talked for hours. I loved it…and now I'm ready to go back Iseul. I'm ready for nursing school."

"Suran that makes me so happy to hear that you've found your way again; maybe I should go and talk with him and see if I feel any better," I sulked.

"How are you doing?" she paused and saw the answer staring right in front of her.

The milk was almost out, the cereal box empty and the tissues were crumbled on the coffee table, couch and floor. Needless to say, I probably had dark circles under my eyes.

"So did you guys stay up all night?" I continued.

"No, I actually fell asleep. But I'm too embarrassed to remember at what point of the night I passed out at…I just woke up on the couch covered with a blanket," she smiled.

"Less than 7 months and we'll be going back home…I can't wait to see mom, I miss her so much right now."

Suran hugged me, knowing I was going through emotional hell. I laid my head in her lap as she patted my head and acted like a loving sister. As the movie played, my eyes remained moist. I kept envisioning my last conversation with Hoseok, the day he told me the horrid news…the last day I got to see him. It all happened so fast, we had to settle for Skype dates and phone calls. But now who knows what the conditions were over there. Hoseok said it could be anywhere from a week to a couple of months till we could talk again. I wanted his address to write him but he didn't have it yet either; I'd have to wait for him either way.

It was hard to wait. Be patient and wait for that glorious moment my phone would ring with a blocked private number. I couldn't even call him now like I had done before. No way of reaching him…the world was so quiet. My days at the culinary school progressed, and as much as I didn't want it to affect me, it triggered in the back of my mind. Life went on with or without me.

I had finally gotten caught up with Sora and Yoongi. They were doing great as to be expected and her belly was growing, or so I was told. The restaurant was also well, but apparently, I was greatly missed. Namjoon told Yoongi to have me working as the pastry chef when I got back already, but I still wanted to return for next semester…so not yet. Namjoon was getting ready for the big move to China, leaving Yoongi as the new Manager like he promised him.

With that great promotion now, Yoongi was looking into buying a house for his wife and kids. He jokingly offered me his loft and I said "Hell yes!" He better believe that I wasn't joking! As for other news, Taehyung decided to go back with his 'brothers' to live in Daegu and help out with the Church where he got saved at. He sure had a special drive none of us could quite understand but we greatly admired. I was even wishing that he'd find a beautiful woman there and live happily ever after.

As for me, I didn't know the next scene to this movie. Was I to live in fear every hour of every day wondering if Hoseok was alive or hurt. Or should I continue to enjoy life here in San Francisco, cooking and proudly bragging how my boyfriend is out defending the country. Either way, I had to wear a smile for 6-8 months; that's if the tour didn't extend as well.

Seasons were passing and Halloween was around the corner. To avoid feeling lonely I had accompanied Suran on her weekend babysitting gigs. But I didn't understand, if Ian was a writer, where did he go at night? Suran then clued me in that he taught evening writing classes.

On one of those nights, Conner was in his bed as it was well past 9 o'clock. When Mr. Murray had arrived, I began gathering my things but got distracted by his excitement to tell Suran some news. I excused myself to the bathroom to give them some privacy, but please…I was still going to eavesdrop.

"I signed for my book tour earlier today!" I could hear his voice strain to control his emotions.

"Oh Ian, that's wonderful!" I heard Suran cry back along with the ruffling of clothes which led me to believe they might be hugging?

I couldn't take this! I needed a closer look. I was a horrible spy and I don't know why I was so curious to see if Ian liked Suran. Thankfully the hallway was dark and I could slide up against the wall at an angle where I could watch them and not be seen. I saw Ian pull away from the prolonged embrace and even noticed a little awkward tension…my favorite.

"So when do you leave?" Go Suran for breaking the ice!

"They said in a couple of days…but I'm afraid I have some sad news," Ian looked down at her…oh no.

"You're traveling so I can only imagine what you're about to say," Suran lowered her head.

"I'll be taking Conner up to stay with his mother while I go on this tour. I'm sorry Suran. I know how much he loves you."

"I love the little guy too," she responded.

Although Suran's face was still looking towards the floor, I had a full view of Ian's expression. I knew a face that longed for another when I saw one. I notice his restraint and caring eyes take her in.

"Thank you for everything, Suran...but I'm leaving to take Conner tomorrow."

"Wha-at?" I could see that Suran was trying to remain calm and it pained me that now we both were sailing thru the same sea of loneliness.

I don't think Suran nor I saw what was coming but it happened. Ian leaned in and kissed her and I had to cover my mouth from squealing. My eyebrows shot so high they almost touched my hairline and I quickly crept back into the bathroom for a moment longer. Did they forget that I was still in the same apartment or did they think I was doing number 2? I'd suffer the embarrassment for my sister. I made a clatter with the doorknob and flushed the toilet.

Practically stomping down the hallway I came back to the living room to stand in front of the door, Suran had already gotten her bag and was discreetly smiling and walking away. When I walked out the door my phone began to ring and I walked even faster hoping to hear a particular voice. But it wasn't who I was expecting…it was Jimin.

Now listening to Jimin vent about what Jaemi had told him, I could tell he was torn between love and hurt. I really didn't have words of encouragement for my friend. He was bummed that Hoseok wasn't around to talk to; that made two of us. Regardless I listened and agreed with what he had to say, meanwhile, Suran and Ian were still talking in the hallway and he reached over to kiss her once again. Something told me that was the last time I'd see Ian.

"It's good to be back, isn't it Iseul?" Suran sighed in relief.

Finally, after almost 10 hours of flying, we were about to pull up to our house. I had to agree with her, family sounded perfect right now. Thanksgiving week and Mom's best home cooked meals; words couldn't describe. I think I held on to my mother for about 10 minutes before releasing. Everyone exchanged sympathetic smiles regarding Hoseok's absence for the holidays, without the actual need of addressing it. Still, every time I looked at my stepfather, I was reminded of him; you can only imagine how many times in a day that was.

Suran was eager to come with me to visit our friends at the restaurant and it was sure great to see all those familiar faces again. Sora wasn't kidding on how big she was; she said you get bigger faster in the second pregnancy…sure Sora. I honestly wouldn't have minded the idea of staying and working right away, but now with Hoseok gone I thought I would make the best of this next semester. I knew I was strong enough to handle it.

I did get a call from Jaemi to meet up with her; I guess she wanted to tell me her version of how the conversation went with Jimin. All I knew was that Jimin didn't want anything to do with her after that screw-up, not that I would tell that to her in those words exactly. I don't blame him but I wasn't about to stop talking to her. I remembered what it felt like to screw up and how desperate I was for company.

Suran stayed home with her dad while I went to pay Jaemi a visit. I was disheartened by her paleness and guilt. She was so 'down in the dumps'; I didn't know how 'Merry' this Christmas would be this year. We drank tea as we sat in the kitchen. My chin rested in the palm of my hand as I listened to Jaemi repeat the same lines of how 'stupid she was for screwing up the best relationship she ever had'. I wanted to tell her to fight longer for Jimin, but I knew he needed time to cool off.

I heard the door open but wasn't alarmed till Jaemi perked up with a confused look on her face.

"I thought you were coming back tomorrow."

My back was facing the hallway preventing me from seeing who it was, but when I peeked over my shoulder my chest sank in a little deeper. I didn't want to have that reaction. I wanted to remain indifferent whenever I saw Jungkook, but it's like my body never agreed with my mind; as though we were separate entities with my heart caught in the middle. I displayed a flat smile before looking back at Jaemi.

"I…changed my mind," Jungkook answered. I suppose he found it silly to have to explain why he wanted to return to his house earlier.

"Sorry Iseul," Jaemi whispered