- Not now Gongju I’m busy, what do you wan- I heard him say coldly behind my back and loosing his words as I slowly turned to face him. He had stopped on his track as soon as he had laid his eyes on me.  I thought for a second he wouldn’t come when I texted him to meet me at the back entrance of the reception hall not giving him any particular reason, especially after the argument we had but he proved me wrong. He came, as always. That worried expression he bore when it took him one only look at me to figure how much pain I was holding, bearing literally made me feel like my heart was as heavy as a truck. He didn’t say anything. Neither did I.  I didn’t need to. He didn’t need me to. My reddened eyes, shivering lips and livid skin tone were enough for him to run to me without asking any questions and hold me as tight as he could. As that simple gesture, that embrace could magically erase all that sadness that was blocking my lungs to get any air. It worked somehow as I completely let go and sobbed hard in his arms as he was hushing me my hair just like the day my mother died, like the day I broke my leg, like the day Sue ran away leaving us a note where she was asking to never look for her, we were 15. He held me tight just like every time my father would ‘miss’ his flight to attend my birthday until I eventually figured his punctuality had nothing to do with it. Like every time I would watch Hotaru No Haka [1], or listen to Amen Omen by Ben Harper. He held me tight as he’s always done, always do, but never will do again.

♦

She climbed furtively the stairs taking the left corridor where the groom room would be still asking herself if it was a good idea or not, she had told Sunny to take Sue home and asked her to make sure she won’t try to reach Gongju as there was no use of talking to her this evening. She, herself was quite overwhelmed by everything that had happened, everything that was said, she felt vulnerable and wanted to be with them, so they could talk their worries together and think about what they should do, say to fix Gongju’s problem, to fix her.

- Hey…what’s wrong? Why did you call me… she asked hesitantly making sure he was alone and referring to the weird text he’s sent her. He was standing looking at the balcony slightly opened as a very light scent of cigarette was lingering. Weird, she thought for a few seconds, Mino doesn’t smoke. - I don’t think it’s a good idea to be seen toget- she stopped as he was finally facing her. Something was wrong with him. She could see it, feel it, read it all over his face.  – Are you ok?

- No. I am not ok Kim Hana. He told her solemnly as she crooked her head. This was going to take longer than she thought. – What are you doing here? He asked grave.

- What do you mean? She feigned ignorance.   I came to congratu-

- Stop that crap, not with me for god’s sake. He stated annoyed and she looked at him for a few seconds. He was right. He knew her too well. He knew exactly why she has come here. He knew everything.

- I’m sorry Mino. She stated solemnly. She knew as well what he wanted her to say it. Earlier during the evening already he had whispered to her “isn’t that why you came for” forcing her to take that awkward picture indicating that he knew too well about her ‘revenge’ game.

- For what? For showing up to my wedding dressed like that? For flirting with some Chinese in front of me? For running away when I asked you to marry me? FOR DESTROYING ME? Just tell me on earth KIM Hana, what exactly are you sorry for? He finished his voice close to crack, as she stood there, dumbfounded, feeling every piece of herself being slowly shattered. She couldn’t believe what he’d just said. She felt like throwing up or falling to the ground but managed to focus on the little strength left on her legs. That’s how much power he had over her. That’s how weak he made her feel. That’s the reason why she had run away. Why she will always will in front of him. He had always broke the ice she had built around herself since her mother left for a man she had completely fallen for, that leaving behind the family she had created didn’t feel like a crime. Worst, he had made her feel what it was like to actually want to run away and leave everything behind, to give up on her dream of conquering the entire world and prove them that she had been more than fine being raised by a single dad that was not a cold and work obsessed man who had failed his marriage as the entire society had unfairly described him. For a moment she thought of it, she thought of saying yes, that’s how much she loved him. She thought that she could manage to be ‘the wife’ she’s always despised.  That woman of the shadow, always looking forward her husband’s success and living by thousands of rules. If it meant being by his side then maybe, maybe it was worth it. It’s just that she was trying too hard to convince herself that it was, when it should’ve been obvious. That was probably the hardest decision she had ever made. She remembered hating him at the beginning, why would he have to make her choose, why couldn’t he understand her? Understand what she wanted, why among all of the people couldn’t he understand how important her father was to her? Before she eventually matured and understood that what was essential for her wasn’t for him, what was essential for him wasn’t for her. That was part of human’s relationships. That was part of life. A part of her life she was over with. So was he. That was why she couldn’t get his anger and resentment in the present moment. Wasn’t this part of the past, their past?

- Mino…I…I don’t understand…I…I didn’t think that-

- Well that’s the problem with you Kim Hana. You don’t think. In fact, you never did when it came to me. He cut her as she could feel his anger and hurt building within his voice. - You didn’t think that I was willing to give up on everything for you, You didn’t think that I would follow you anywhere to if only you had asked me, you didn’t think that it would drive me crazy seeing you dressed like that, you didn’t think that I would feel pathetic seeing all these dogs staring at you, you didn’t think that I still loved you…did you? She widened her eyes at the last words as her heart was pounding loud in her chest in the same rhythm as the thousands thoughts invading her head. – God Kim Hana, you haven’t changed a bit…always the same clueless girl I had fall for, the same clueless girl I almost died to…she frowned at him as a tear she couldn’t control fall down on her cheek. She felt her breath shorten as his words kept on resonating in her head. Died? What was he talking about? - Did…did you ever loved me Kim hana? I mean I know I never measured up to your dreams…or to your ambition but was there any tiny place of me in that frozen soul of yours?

- How…how dare you…I…Of course I –

- Then why? Why would you do that to me? He cried beating his own heart, as it would help stop that pain burning his chest. She felt dry and her legs close to give up on her. – I…I never meant to hurt you, she insulted my father, I –

- I know...He cut her. - And so what? He asked as she frowned. He knew. She felt betrayed for a few seconds. - Would it have been too difficult for you to bear with it? Would it have been too difficult for you to put your pride aside and suffer a bit for me?

- You knew it? You knew she had insulted my father, you know what my father means to me, you-

- Oh trust me I know. He cut her again as it didn’t seem to be a relevant argument. - More than anyone in the world I think I know…he added referring to the reason why she had run away in London. – I just wish that once in your life you had thought of me. I wish that once in your life you had picked me.

That was it. Taking a bullet wouldn’t have felt any different. Pain, remorse, guilt were slowly but surely eating up every inch of her soul. She slowly walked backward as her legs were terribly shaking and stumbled on a chair almost falling as he still, instinctively tried to catch her before she put her hand in front of him so that he won’t touch her. She was fine. No actually she wasn’t, she needed to leave, she couldn’t stand to see how hurt, broken and pathetic he was. All because of her. She managed to face the door open only to see her standing over there; staring inertly at something.  She had heard everything; she had no doubt about it. She waited for him to tell her something, to apologize to her but he didn’t. She wasn’t looking towards him but she could feel that he didn’t even feel sorry for her.

- My…my father is looking for you. She managed to mumble still looking somewhere else but at him.

- Not now Shinni.

- There’s someone he’d like to introduce to you, they’re all looking for us we should go down-

- I said not now. He repeated coldly, and this time both women looked up to him. How could he talk to her like that? Was that what he became? Was that what she had turned him to? That last thought sent her thousands electroshocks and gave her a strength she hadn’t suspected to be somewhere deep down in herself to run away. Again. She heard him call her, she felt him follow her out of the room as his wife managed to stop him. – Let her go…she heard her begging him. – It’ over…

♦

He really should stop smoking he told himself as he was taken by actions he thought were absolutely not suitable for someone his age, most important his position. Or maybe he should simply break off his engagement. Indeed, in the few times he would meet or run into his fiancée mostly once in a month during meetings perfectly orchestrated by both families, he would have this compelling desire to light a cigarette. She drove him crazy and not in a good way. They had absolutely nothing in common. He tried; he tried hard to find a subject of conversation, an interest in common, any form of bond that could link him to that woman with whom he was supposed to spend his life with, worst start a family with. But failed. Terribly.

Thus, as he ran to her during his best’s friend’s brother wedding, he had to give into the formal talk he hates, and ran to the first floor where Chang wook had took a room for him and his friends to use whenever they would feel like having a break from this long formal and official evening they had to attend. He went to the balcony and felt relieved after inhaling that poison his friends were sure he had quit. Funny thing is that both Ki wong and Ji-hoon smoked all the time in front of him and it have never bothered him. It only takes ten seconds with that woman and he starts itching about it. He looked at the entrance and couldn’t help but smile as he remembered when him and his friends happened to be in that same balcony three hours ago when four particular girls made their entrance. He couldn’t admit it out loud earlier but he secretly thought there was something special about them, about her. ‘Hey (…) why did you call me’ he heard her say as he jumped out of surprise. He looked into the room and felt relieved as nobody was there. Was it his imagination? He could swear he had heard her voice, their voice he realized after getting closer to the second door of the balcony, the one who was leading to another room, the groom’s room. He looked furtively inside and it only took him few seconds to realize that she was in danger, and that he should leave. That he didn’t have the right to witness what he was about to. Unfortunately reason wasn’t strong enough and he found himself hearing every bullet he’s shot at her. He heard her leave in death throes. Worst, he found himself following her, running after her, taking the second stairs so that Mino and his wife wouldn’t see him. As a part of him somehow still knew that it was wrong, that he shouldn’t be looking after her. Yet that part seemed ridiculously quite. Breaking his engagement was not an option; his father would turn him into an orphan in the following hour. As for the smoking part, he really needed to try harder.

♦

- Hana-ya…Hana-ya…Kim Hana…he called a last time forcing her to stop as he grabbed her by her arm so she could finally face him. He widened his eyes as he laid his eyes on her. Her skin went pale, he never realized she could be that vulnerable, weak. He remembered longing for it only yesterday feeling privileged to see her tormented. He now hated it. What a horrible sight…- hey…calm down, breath…he asked her as something seemed to be winding her. She was saying something but he couldn’t hear what, she was talking to herself, mumbling something. He still couldn’t hear what. She seemed to be in some kind of shock and he was willing to get her out of it – Hana please calm down…he begged as her whole body was shivering.

- I need to leave…I need to leave…I’m sorry…I need to leave…I’m sorry…I’m sorry…I need to leave…I need to leave…I’m sorry…he realized she was saying and he didn’t know he could be that empathic as he felt that pain building within him just by looking at her.

- Okay…okay don’t…don’t be sorry. He said trying to stop her from her moment of insanity. - Let’s leave…we’re not staying ok, we’re leaving…he said and felt relieved as she stopped saying ‘I need to leave’ but kept on whispering ‘I’m sorry’. He took her by her hand and felt slightly weird at the contact of her skin but brushed it away as he quickly walked to his car, open the passenger door put her inside, close her seat belt for her, made sure to open the window and drove away. He just drove away. He didn’t know exactly where he was going, he just felt relieved at the fact that she stopped apologizing to a ghost. He thought of taking her to her place, he had dropped her once only but he knew the way by heart Ji-hoon had his favourite combo in the same residential complexes, the Tower Palace. He didn’t know why but he felt like it would be a bad idea, maybe she didn’t want to go home, he never wanted to when he felt bad, he guessed it would be the same for her. Maybe he should take her to her friend’s place. He had no idea where they lived except for one of them and last time he checked; she, as well was in a very bad state. Maybe he should take her to his place he thought for a few seconds before feeling suddenly uncomfortable and refused to acknowledge why as he cleared his throat as he felt her looking towards him before looking back at the half open window from where wind was blowing her hair scent that had invaded his car, invaded him.

- Hana-ya, he finally broke the silence after a 20 minutes silent ride, - where do you want me to take you? He finally managed to ask to put an end to the thousand questions disturbing him. At lease he sounded as his usual self.

- Achasan… Take me to Achasan. She asked as he widened his eyes and looked at her.

- Excuse me? He asked as he thought, hoped he had had heard wrongly.

- You can drop me over there I’ll take cab…

- That’s not what I meant. He rectified putting his eyes back on the road. -God…he said out loud. Maybe he should’ve suggested his place he thought as he took the highway towards the east of the city, in the Mangu area where the Three-kingdom era hill resides, a mountain named Achasan.