- Sorry I’m late…she told me while I stood to salute her, as I haven’t seen her this morning.

- No don’t be…I was in advance actually… I clarified. I’ve been anticipating so much our encounter that I arrived almost 20 minutes early. I felt like going to a battle. I spent almost two hours to pick up the perfect outfit. Something I would feel confortable in but extremely confidant. I wore a ruffled stretch crepe dress by Alexander McQueen in midnight blue. I feel the most confident when my waist is accentuated and this dress was basically meant to flatter it. Since it was made of a crepe fabric it was elegantly suggesting my curves but hiding them in the same time. I added a label mate laser cut leather waist belt to look more my age as the dress by itself made me look much older and too serious. I added also some gold accessories in my hand and had my hair slightly curled.

- Congdu would’ve been the perfect place for today but you were already there yesterday so I thought we could try this place. She told me as she put herself confortable on her chair. I instinctively looked around even if I had plenty time to observe the place earlier. I’ve never seen a place that took so far the concept of mixing tradition and modernity. The restaurant was at the 31^st floor at the Lotte hotel offering a breath taking view on the city’s four mountains from every single seat. White and off-white were the main colors dominating the sitting room. Thus you had to look twice to notice the several hidden symbols of the traditional Korean culture engraved, hidden on the walls in very bright almost invisible colors. I had found so far the orchid, bamboo, lotus, pine tree and of course Chrysanthemum. My grandmother’s favorite. It meant elegance and high fidelity. - I’ve wanted to come here for a long time but never found the time to, I’m glad we’re discovering this place together. I smiled. As usual she put a lot of effort on the choice of the place and the meaning of it. – Have you met Mrs. Kim, she’s the owner here…

- Her daughter only. She had been expecting me actually and even nicely offered me a visit within the place. It’s very beautiful.

- That’s really nice of her. So you probably have noticed the hidden plants patterns over the walls…

- I did…I even found your favorite…

- I couldn’t expect less from you…she stated smiling. It’s amazing how this place screams modernity from the choice of the location, its furniture, the colors yet when you dig further the high tradition remains in the foundations, the structure…I like it, it reminds me of you somehow…she said all smiling and I started to feel nervous. I sipped on the cup of tea we had been given while the already chosen menu from the reservation my grandmother made was being prepared.

- Well…I must be really expensive then…I joked to what she responded by small laugh.

- Because you didn’t know that already? You’re very expensive indeed not anyone can earn you… she added and I hated were the comparison was going.

- You personally know the owner here? Mrs. Kim? I asked mostly to drift the subject and out of genuine curiosity as I’ve never heard of that woman before.

- I do. She’s a friend of mine…

- A friend? I replied to spontaneously sounding almost septic.

- I do have friends’ darling. She instantly replied and I cursed myself. Control. I needed to be more in control and erase any glimpse of spontaneity.

- I know. It’s just that I’ve never heard of her before; I’ve never seen her in your meetings or anything like that…

- That’s my point; you don’t know any of my true friends because they’re far from these pawns I have to deal with in my high society daily life. I restrained a smile. This woman and her scary structured several lives will never stop to surprise me. Her grandmother was the late cook at my grandfather’s mansion. I’ve known her since we were little. She didn’t need to add more that gentle and caring look she was having was telling everything. The thing with my grandmother is that she was actually born princess from the late Joseon king that had lost everything after the Japanese invasion. That’s the reason why I have to cop with that silly nickname. The time she was born they had already lost everything and were into debts. The poorer they got the closer they got to the court workers. Then there was no palace, no court anymore. For the few that have stayed and had followed them they became one family.

- She was my only friend until I turned 16, then she had fallen in love with a military guy. The government wanted to send him to the US few months after they met. She was two years older than me so she followed him…I remember I cried for a whole week after she left…I thought she had abandoned me, betrayed me…it took me years to forgive her…she said smiling with that nostalgic look, as somehow a hurtful memory became a good one with the years. I could see again why she never spoke about her childhood. I knew she was very introverted. She had suffered a lot from the loss of her mother at a very young age and the presence of a stepmother with whom she never got along. Her father couldn’t do anything about it and she had never been able to blame him for that, as he was sick and weak both physically and morally because of that uncomfortable and burdening position he was born with. He inherited the bankruptcy, decline and humiliation of his kind. He hated it. This hatred towards this unfortunate situation, its consequences consumed him until his death. A death he took by his own will, as he couldn’t stand watch over his people that would remain faithful no matter what would happen. It was too much of a burden.  She loved him heartedly so did he but he wasn’t there for her. He couldn’t. – It has always been my problem you know, if I happen to love someone…then I would make everything on my will so that person won’t leave me…even if that’s against their own will or happiness… that’s what I’ve done to your father…he lost the only woman he’s ever loved…he then lost you…that’s all because of me…

I felt my heart sinking slowly within the deepness of my body.

- He…I swallowed the lump that had formed into my throat. He didn’t lost me Halmeoni, he abandoned me…I managed somehow to mumble trying as much as I could to control my voice and the tears that were threatening to fall.

- No, No Gongju. Don’t do that…don’t hate him because of me, I’m begging you…don’t make me feel more guilty than I already am… I know it’s very difficult for you to understand but he had his reasons…the problem is that he inherited my stubbornness and strange way of loving I was mentioning earlier… I saw it the first time he brought your mother, the way he was looking at her, caring for her…it was so overwhelming that I couldn’t stand to watch it, he was completely crazy about her…she added and I started slowly shaking my head not wanting to hear anymore. He never survived her loss; he’ll never will…she said erasing right away a tear that didn’t have time to go any far on her jaw. My vision got blurry and I tried to control my breathing so I wouldn’t sob. My tears were raining now I couldn’t do anything about it. I bit my lips so they would stop shivering. I was a mess. The more I was trying to suppress that wave of pain building beneath my the more it would grow. So I decided to do something I rarely do. Let it go. I inspired what I could and expired hot tears that made me feel somehow slowly better. She didn’t say anything. She looked between her side and somewhere down. Giving me some intimacy as she knows how I was reserved when it came to expressing. Maybe she just couldn’t stand seeing me break down. I couldn’t understand. She was not the type to keep on harping about the past, especially on our family’s past. It was just too hurtful, unfair, tragic and pitiful. What happened to my parents happened in the past and remained there, forming into a scar each of us, my grandfather, my grandmother and myself are trying to live with. Except for my father, he was doomed to survive with it. The worst part is that I couldn’t feel sorry for him; my resentment was too big for that.

- Why… why are you telling me this? I asked after getting a hold of myself.

- Because… I don’t want you to hate me either… she finally admitted and I hated the glimpse of vulnerability hidden in her voice.

- Why would I?

- For the moment you don’t have any reason to… but this might change in the future, when you do I just want you to remember that I love you… In my own selfish way but I truly do…

She didn’t add anything. We spent the rest of the lunch eating almost silently commenting from time to time on the menu. She asked few quick questions about Sunny’s new wed life, Hana’s work, and Sue’s next exhibition that she said she was excited to discover.

As for the recent past events, my grandparent’s behavior or the strange conversation we started with, it remained as a mystery that I didn’t wish to unveil as I had the strong intuition that it was just a question of days before all that masquerade that had took place since Sunny’s wedding was about to take an end…

Sadly, I was more than right.